Leaving Long Island

My experiences growing up on Long Island and the resulting outcome are not unique to me or the southeastern appendage of New York State; from major cities to small rural towns there will always be people who want to stay in their hometown and people who run like hell. Falling into the latter category, I could not get out Carle Place or off of Long Island fast enough. Unlike many people with long lists of reasons to count down the days until their High School graduation, I actually had trouble articulating the motivation behind the desire to flee. Life was pretty good; tight group of friends, close relationship with family, good grades, skip to the beach, short train ride to Manhattan, and somewhat decent levels of popularity. Leaving everyone to go away to college was hard; deciding never to move back was even harder. After nearly 15 years since my departure from the Empire State I still miss my friends and family yet never regret leaving Long Island.

Being the big fish in a little pond does have some advantages; comfort, security, and admiration to name just a few. The thing with fish is they only grow as big as the tank they are in; humans are no different. For some people High School is the best it will get, the glory days, and it is all down hill from there. We all know people whose best moments in life involved scoring the winning points in the closing seconds of a game, receiving a standing ovation in the high school musical or being published in the school newspaper. Twenty years after the fact they still relive those glory days, unable to let go of the past and make something bigger out of their future. While this fate does not happen to everyone, I feared that if I didn’t get away it would happen to me; my personal growth dependent on getting out of my small, comfortable pond. No matter where I grew up I would have wanted to leave, explore new environments and discover things beyond the familiar. Familiarity breeds contempt.

My fear of life peaking in High School was so intense that it was a focus of many conversations with my guidance counselor whose honestly was something I still appreciate. His words of wisdom, that life does go downhill for many people after high school and it was my choice whether it would happen to me or not, still resonate in my head in times of uncertainty and doubt. Progressing through more school, through my career, and through life I am often reminded of this lesson and remember it is my choice whether my best days are behind me or still yet to come.

I am envious of those who thrive in the comfort of a stable, familiar environment. Some people need roots, some need wings. I needed to get out of the pond, try a different pond, jump into a lake, swim upstream, deep dive in an ocean, or stomp in a puddle to experience the world, otherwise I would drown. Even moving to a smaller pond forces adaptation to new surroundings, evolution of new personality traits and defense mechanisms to survive and thrive a new situation. Changing and growing, pushing myself beyond my comfort zone, brings challenges to my career and relationships. Just when I get comfortable I start asking “what’s next;” struggling to strike a balance between stability and freedom, wanderlust always pushing me to look beyond the horizon, to avoid the suffocation of growing into my surroundings.

Ironically when I return to my hometown today I am no longer the big fish who everyone knows, but more like a fish out of water, unable to fit into my surroundings. Carle Place, Long Island and New York have all changed some in 15 years. Oscar Wilde’s famous quote, “Life imitates art far more than art imitates Life,” is all too apparent; people look and act more like the women of Real Housewives of New York City, the boys from Growing Up Gotti, or the Dina Lohan than the Seavers in Growing Pains. What really makes me a stranger in a strange land in has little to do with the place I called home for over 13 years and everything to do with changes in me, the changes from seeing new places, meeting people from all over the world, and discovering new facets to my own personality. The old saying “you can’t go home again” used to confuse me but with each visit to place of my childhood memories the meaning became all too clear; home has nothing to do with physical location but everything to do with state of mind.

Remembering September 2001

Discovering news of the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001 is a defining moment in each of our personal histories, much like the assassination of JFK and the attacks on Pearl Harbor were for previous generations. Everyone old enough to read a paper or watch TV vividly remembers the details of how they found out, where they were, who they called and what they were doing. While I do recall answering the phone call from my fiancée in Minnesota as I was trying to iron out details on a print job I was ordering at a Sir Speedy in Delaware anxiously getting the last things on my list done before taking two weeks off for our wedding, it is actually all the moments the rest of that day and the days to follow that will always maintain vivid clarity in my memories. 

The whole thing did not hit me fully until I made it into the office and was immediately surrounded by colleagues asking me about my family in NY, how my friends in DC were, if everyone was okay and if we were going to move forward with the wedding. Suddenly everything hit me all at once and I was faced with a breakdown or actually doing something. With the help of many of my co-workers, including Heather, Dave, Gregg, Val and Mary Beth, we all went into action like we had a pre-planned disaster recovery plan, quickly discovering that while phones all over the US were locked up in busy we were still able to make calls with great ease. It took several hours, but through the help of my co-workers, we were able to find each member of my family, directing those who were unable to make it off Manhattan to Tobacco Road. My co-workers were impressed that even in times of great tragedy; we could somehow get people assembled at a reputable drinking establishment. There is a certain comfort knowing my family could still find a good bar with the world falling down around them. 

Friends in Pennsylvania opened their home to me that night, taking me out to eat at a very empty restaurant and ensuring our table was no where near the television surrounded by the servers and staff. Knowing my immediate family and close friends were all safe and sound, Victor and Diane helped me deal with the next order of business; deciding whether to call off my wedding in NY the next week. 

There were so many pros and cons to each decision, most of the wedding party, including the Groom, were 1000+ miles away, our guest list spanned over 20 states and 4 countries and it was obvious that my plans to return to Minnesota prior to flying to NY with my fiancée were not going to happen. Yet, as any bride can attest to, the thought of having to plan the wedding all over again was overwhelming and after weeks of wondering if I was “marrying material,” the turmoil in the world made me realize once and for all that I wanted to make wadE an honest man. Our friends and family received word on our decision on an email appropriately subjected as “Love Conquers All.” 

Even through the overwhelming hours glued to broadcasts of bad news and sad stories, each day brought us new reasons to celebrate. Bridges in NY were eventually opened to the general public I was able to get to my family on Long Island, never so happy to see my family. My fiancée made it on the first flight from MSP to New York that allowed non-stranded passengers to fly. One bridesmaid, unable to make the wedding as she waited on word whether her husband would be shipped overseas, mailed her dress which arrived on time and fit a long-time friend like a glove. Battling a rough case of bronchitis contracted from the soot in the air from the smoldering twin towers I somehow lost 10 pounds in one week, causing the need for emergency dress alterations in the right direction.

With all these memories and all these moments, there is one evening that stands out above all else; my bachelorette party and youngest sister’s 21st birthday party on the evening of September 19th. We debated whether our pre-9/11 plans of committing multiple acts of debauchery in downtown Manhattan would now be considered in bad taste; drunken women in feather boas parading their wares in the former shadow of the World Trade Center. We were encouraged to move forward with our plans by a cousin who stressed the need for business as establishments in lower Manhattan were suffering. 

Ten well dressed women ready to have fun descended upon Manhattan in a white stretch limo and were clearly the only women around. The bars were not empty; instead they were packed with firemen from around the country; with roughly 12 firemen for every one of us, we took full advantage of the attention that evening. Around Five O’clock in the morning, our driver informed us that we were going to go over our time which in turn made the firemen to realize they were late for their shifts. Presented with an opportunity to serve our country and perform our civic duty, we piled 10 firemen in our limo and headed to the World Trade Center, passing police barricades and descending upon ground zero as the first rays of morning light rose above Manhattan. Half the crew was due at the Trade Center while the other half needed a lift to the rescue staging grounds at Shea Stadium. Firemen hanging out our sunroof brought us the attention of the NYPD, who soon realized we were carrying special cargo and gave us a full police escort all the way to Shea. Already well over the time in our rental agreement, we were unable to entertain all the men who poured out of a city of tents at the staging grounds to offer us hot dogs and beer (at 6am!). Our driver rewarded us for our good deeds; he did not charge us for the two hours we went over and actually thanked us for an experience he would never forget. We never did get to formally thank the generous heroes from the Oak Brook, Illinois; San Diego, California, Columbus, Ohio and all the other fire departments who made for a very memorable evening ;-) 

Every wedding has a set of issues and ours was no exception. The yacht club where our wedding was located asked us if we would be so kind to open the club prior to our photos for a funeral lunch of a friend lost in the towers. We of course said yes to discover it was an Irish funeral with mourners ready to join our wedding celebration. Many of our guests were late, stuck in traffic on bridges as each car required inspection to cross. Even our flowers were a reminder that the wedding was not business as usual; wilted flowers from a florist unable to get a shipment in since the attacks. All that did not matter as we were married under a beautiful blue sky surrounded by the love and support of friends and family, the wedding serving as a joyous celebration of life and love and reminder of what is beautiful about the world (although the world would have been much more beautiful with live purple flowers rather then dead pink ones- oh well).

The day following our wedding, we had dinner reservations at the famed restaurant Windows on the World, atop the World Trade Center. It was very sad to think the person who months before took our request for a romantic table by a window might have perished in the attacks. After a very empty flight, we closed September 2001 on the lovely island of St. Lucia, empty of travelers; we practically had the entire resort all to ourselves. Six years later I can say the experiences and lessons of 9/11 restored my faith in the greater humanity as people far and wide came together to heal a nation and each other. It reminded me of the kindness of strangers, the goodness of friends, the comfort of family, the power of love, what is truly important in life… and that sexy firemen are the best gift any bachelorette can ask for.

Going to NY?

My co-worker and cube-neighbor Mark asked me this morning if I had any suggestions on where to stay and what to do when visiting New York. My list of old haunts and must-dos is below, but I would love comments and suggestions from others to broaden even my narrow list of locations (especially hotels, I rarely stay downtown and instead take the LIRR into the city when visiting my family). Please leave comments with further suggestions.

Where to Stay:

• Marriott Marquis (Midtown)
  Not only a good place to stay, but also has "The View", the only revolving restaurant in NY. Hit the bar and get a drink (expensive, but the one drink minimum is worth the view).
• Abingdon House (Greenwich Village)
  I've never been, but I've heard it is a really nice B&B like setting.
• Grand Hyatt (midtown)
  I've stayed a few times... it’s a nice hotel, good location, a little pricey but if you are a Hyatt Gold Passport points whore like I am, you’re willing to pay a few extra bucks to get those points.
• Milford Plaza (midtown)
  The lullaby of old Broadway.

Where to Eat:

• Becco (Midtown)
  Love, Love, Love this restaurant. For those who watch PBS, the owner of this restaurant is Lidia of Lidia’s Kitchen. Make reservations!
  Caesar Salad
  Becco's version of the classic Caesar salad
  ~ or ~
  Antipasto Misto
  An assortment of marinated & grilled
  vegetables with assorted seafood
  
  ~ followed by ~
  Our renowned unlimited table side service of
  our Chef's three daily pasta preparations
  $21.95
• Carnegie Deli (midtown)
  Some people will tell you to go to the Stage Deli, I'm more about Carnegie. The location, the kitsch factor and the pastrami are quintessentially New York.
• Trailer Park (Chelsea- downtown)
  This has become one of our favorite bars/cheap eateries in Manhattan. You can settle down in the bowling alley seats section and people watch everyone walking by. The theme of the food is comfort; mac and cheese and tater tots are very good. Very kitschy.
• Waters Edge (In Queens, but there is a complimentary Water Shuttle from midtown (34th)
  I've never been, but if you are looking for a romantic view, this is your place.
• ESPN Zone (Midtown)
  If you are lucky, you might catch a show being taped.
• Mariella Pizza (Midtown)
  Very good pizza, although most little pizza joints in the city are going to give you a good slice at reasonable prices. This place is actually recommended by Oprah, for those who want a connection to fame.

What to Do:

• TKTS Booth(midtown- Times Square)
  Same day play/musical tickets at 50% off face price. Worth waiting in line
  Visit Playbill Online to see what is playing right now.
• Yankee Game (Bronx)
  If you are fortunate enough to visit while the Yankees are in town, you must take a subway up to the Bronx and take in a game. Be prepared to pay top dollar for scalped tickets.
• Empire State Building (midtown)
  Worth the view (get there early!
• Golf at Chelsea Piers (Chelsea- downtown)
  What better way to fight off stress then driving golf balls over the East River.
• David Letterman (Midtown)
  You must request tickets in advance or wait on line the day of to see if you can get in. Very fun to see a taping. Bring a coat; he keeps the theatre very cold.
• St. Patricks Cathedral or St. John's the Devine
  St. John the Devine is the world's largest cathedral and is never expected to be fully completed due to its size.
• Red Rocks West(Chelsea-downtown)
  Might not be your thing, but it is coyote ugly without all the tourists. If you've ever want to see the lady in your life dance on a bar, this is your place.
• Culture Club (West Village, SoHo)
  Want to dance like it's 1989? This is the place. It has great people watching, bachelorette parties. No cover on Fridays ($25 on Saturdays).
• Live Music
  It is all about who is playing, but places my (very hip) sister swears by are The Continental, The Bowary Ballroom and Roseland. (I know nothing of the Luna Lounge, but it certainly has a great name!) (O'Neill's Irish Bar is also known as Brady's (and Aidan's) Bar on Sex and the City)

Getting Around:

• Handsome Cab Ride (midtown)
  Take a horse cab ride through Central Park. Very romantic.
• PATH Train
  Just in case you happen to want to visit New Jersey you can get there via the PATH.
• Circle Line Sightseeing tours
  What better way to take in Manhattan then to sail around it.
• Double Decker Bus
  It is worth doing a tour once to get some of the history and background stories of the city.
• JFK Airtrain
  It is a pain in the butt to get luggage through subway turnstiles once you get into the city, but the airtrain is much cheaper then taking a cab.

Where to Shop:

• Fifth Avenue (Mid to Uptown)
  While you are our shopping, stop by St. Patrick’s Cathedral to repent.
• Century 21 Department Store (downtown)
  Designer labels at discount prices.
• Macy*s Herald Square
  The original!

Don't Hate Me Because I'm a Yankee Fan

There are two types of people in the world, those who love the Yankees and those who hate the Yankees. For the most part, there is no gray area for how people feel about the American League ball club from New York. What always amazes me is just how many people don the blue cap and pinstripes and root whole heartedly for the team, even if they have never stepped foot in New York. Equally remarkable are those who hate the Yankees even if their team of choice never faces them during the season. This nation (if not world) wide passion is especially evident when seeing the Yankees perform in their away uniforms. No matter where I see the boys from the Bronx play, I am surrounded by throngs of fans and haters; forced to defend my loyalty for the team and explain why I am a Yankee fan.

These days, despite the amount of success the Yankees have experienced, it is actually difficult to be a Yankee fan. Try and be taken seriously when their very triumphs and victories become a source of content. First and foremost is the number of fair-weather fans success breeds. Yankee haters verbally attack fans by declaring their allegiance fake; one that jumped on the bandwagon sometime in the early to mid-90s, avoiding the heartbreak of the drought in the 1980s. As a lifelong fan, these people annoy me as well. Chances are they at one point rooted against the Yankees, softening up to the team after a few championship rings. These new fans cast a shadow on those who weathered the storm of failure and stuck with the team during the dark times; they make longtime Yankees fans appear less genuine. You are not a fan unless you survived verbal bashings in 1986 and were forced to root for the hated Boston Red Sox or a comet to hit the stadium and wipe out the teams, anything to avoid a Mets victory. To those who try to mock the length of my loyalty there is only one thing I say; “I am from the Bronx.” Amazing how 5 small words can get people to back off so quickly, like I am packing heat or carrying a crowbar.

Money, and the Yankees use of it, is definitely a major source of contention for Yankee haters. If I had a nickel for each time I heard someone complain about how much money the Yankees spend on their team, I could probably personally purchase the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. The Yankees do spend a great deal of money for their team and I do not always agree with their business model of purchasing the “best” team rather then building it. Only the people who discover the cure for cancer, how to run a car on water or even the formula for world peace deserve the exorbitant amount of money made by baseball players. Money and greed, today’s centerpiece of professional sports, are ruining the pure joy of the game with the Yankees a focal point of the issue. With this being said money does help build a successful team, but is not the only part of the winning equation; just look at the Baltimore Orioles who spend a ton on their team with abysmal results. There are plenty examples of successful teams with small payrolls and terrible teams with huge payrolls; it takes more then just money to build a successful team. Additionally, teams from smaller markets now benefit from baseball’s revenue sharing model, allowing them larger operating budgets based upon the spending of larger market teams.

Each time the Yankees announce the trade/purchase/acquisition of a big-name player, I cringe. While the team was successful in the past with bringing on superstar players to win titles, there does come a tipping point when this managerial philosophy becomes catastrophic. Baseball is like any business where a team with a diverse range of talents, personalities and backgrounds is the recipe for long-term success. At some point having too many superstars in the boardroom leads to serious organizational issues where competition is no longer friendly and the goals of the team are superseded by the power of the individuals, leading to overall failure. The Yankees failure to appear in the World Series the past few years and win one since 2000 demonstrates that money does not necessarily buy happiness and too many cooks may have spoiled the Yankees proverbial broth.

The revolving door of players also brings difficulty to following professional sports. Baseball is just not the same without the ability to cling to a player for their career, following them from farm league to hall of fame. There is almost a need to keep players at “arms length,” developing distant relationships to avoid the heartbreak of their trade. On the flip side, the deep rooted hatred for opposing teams and their players, the keystone to any good rivalry, makes it quite difficult to embrace certain players when they are suddenly on your team. To me, Roger Clemens is still a Red Sox, no matter how many World Series rings he helps the Bronx Bombers win. It is hard to be truly passionate about a team like the Yankees when the roster is full of people who once were the object of distain.

Despite all my concern around the Yankees they are still my team. The Yankees have an amazing history filled with triumph and tragedy. True Yankee fans are among the nation’s best, with an unparalleled understanding of the game, the history, and fan etiquette. I was born in pinstripes, mere miles from the stadium affectionately known as “The Bronx Zoo.” I support and root for my favorite team, but acknowledge their role in forever changing baseball from an enjoyable game to a cut-throat business. History shows that dynasties topple without a balance of power, money, popularity and fair leadership; hopefully Yankees management, players and fans understand what it takes to maintain their position Major League Baseball’s greatest dynasty.

I Left New York

There are things I love about New York, but it is obviously not enough to still live there; as much as I miss my family, friends and a good sausage pizza, nothing would get me to move back. I am a Long Island native, so my view of the very large state is limited to the region I’m from. While simple to express the things you like about a place, it is extremely difficult to write the negatives. This list is not intended to offend but to enlighten those who cannot fathom why I became a New York transplant, moving the moment I turned 18. Leaving those you love behind to search for a better life is the hardest thing I ever had to do, but here are the top 10 reasons I had to leave NY:

Traffic: “They” say that by the year 2012, New York will experience rush hour like gridlock 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Imagine never knowing how long your drive is going to take because there is always traffic. Expect blood-pressure related deaths and road rage to skyrocket. Every time I drive on the Belt Parkway, I experience an overwhelming desire to ram into the line of cars in front of me and cannot imagine sitting in that kind of traffic to go to work everyday.

Expense: Houses, taxes, cars and groceries; all of life’s basics are so expensive it is hard for even the most successful person to make ends meet. It is not unusual for people to live with their parents well into their 30s, even if they are married with children, just to save enough to get a place of their own. This is unheard of in most other places in the United States. The American Dream is defined by some dictionaries as “the widespread aspirations of Americans to live better lives then their parents did.” Long Island’s out of control real estate market meant my American Dream needed to move to another city. Additionally, there are very few free options for fun and entertainment. Where many places have free museums, parks and gardens open to the public, free outdoor concerts and plenty of options for those who cannot afford good entertainment, New York nickel and dimes their residents, leaving fun to the elite who can afford it.

Rudeness: There is a fine line between assertive honesty and pushy obnoxiousness. New Yorkers not only cross the line, they almost take pride in their ability to catapult themselves over the line to pure offensiveness. In our world of political correctness the honesty is sometimes refreshing, but sometimes it is very important to pick your battles rather then be rude over every little thing people do. While it is perfectly acceptable to blow your horn and give a guy who cuts you off the finger, telling a 90 year old lady off at Waldbaum’s for having 13 items in the 10 item lane or taking a call at the movie theatre is completely rude and unnecessary.

Dog Unfriendliness: The Pet industry is the second fastest growing industry in the United States with over $41 Billion in sales last year. While most towns and cities in the United States are becoming increasingly dog friendly to align with this growth, Long Island seems to be decreasing the options available to dogs and their owners. State beaches were once a place where dogs could run and play October through April. Now they are completely off-limits to our four-legged friends. Fenced parks for off-leashing dogs are popping up across the nation yet they are not to be found in New York outside of a few tiny parks within the city limits. After experiencing the joy of seeing my dogs running freely over acres of fenced land, swimming in lakes and rivers and falling down exhausted afterwards, how could I possibly live someplace without an extensive network of dog parks?

Xenophobia: New York is often referred to as the center of the world, and no one buys into that more then a New Yorker. While most outside of the state think New Yorkers are incredibly worldly individuals and New York the hotbed of cultural diversity, for the most part, New Yorkers really have a very narrow view of the world and think they are culturally diverse simply because they have a wide variety of ethnic cuisines available to them. Many people from New York stay close to home, go to a local college, marry someone from the area they grew up in, send their kids to same school they went to and expect their children to follow the same patterns. Some of this is cultural, with many coming from traditional Southern European or Catholic families who expect their children to remain close to the nest. Economics is also a factor, as the exorbitant cost of living in New York prohibits people from experiencing other parts of the world through travel. The end result is a large number of people who somehow look down upon people from different places even if they have never experienced those places themselves.

Chauvinism: Machismo, the exaggerated sense of masculinity where men display attributes like aggressiveness and domination of women, oozes from the pores of far too many men on Long Island. Men spend time prepping and preening with hair gel and gold chains to look good for when they get into stupid fights with other men to display how strong and tough they are; and this actually impresses some women. When men capture the attention they are often sweet and romantic for a short time until showing their real feathers and begin exhibiting their sexist and prejudiced views of females, acting like they have a god given superiority over women. This attitude is perpetuated through the generations mostly by women who raise sons to believe they are god’s gift to the world and no woman is good enough for their son.

Divas: What do Lindsay Lohan, Mariah Carey, Rosie O’Donnell, Taylor Dane, Jamie-Lynn Sigler, Howard Stern and Flava Flav have in common? They are all divas from Long Island. There are many definitions for Diva, but most agree it is a person who is self-centered, vain, arrogant, high-maintenance, moody, difficulty, demanding, confrontational, and overly dramatic. Long Island is like a Diva factory. There is tremendous pressure to look like you came off of the cover of In Style magazine. If your hair, nails, makeup, clothes and body are not impeccable you will certainly be a hot topic of conversation among the ladies at the local nail salon. Although many women are intelligent and well read, the obsession with looks dominates conversation, and most discussions are void of real ideas and content, making women sound completely vacuous. Additionally the pressure to be toothpick thin is higher in New York then in most other cities (except Los Angeles I would imagine) and I know many New Yorkers who suffered with eating disorders at one time or another. How anyone has the time, money or patience to keep their looks and wardrobes up with the Jolie-Pitt’s is amazing.

Drama: Unfortunately the passion and zeal of New Yorkers that I love so much yields an awful side effect; drama. Mix the chauvinists and the divas; add a small misunderstanding and next thing you know there are couples and families screaming, fighting, crying and tossing belongings out second floor bedroom windows declaring the person is "dead to them" or "their life is over." It is no surprise that there are so many actors and actresses that are New York and Long Island natives, with drama in your everyday life, it is easy to get all the training you need for the silver screen.

Crime: Although violent crime rates have declined since the 70s, "small" crime is still significantly higher then in many other locations in the United States. Most people I know in NY have been the victim of some crime; car theft, home burglary, vandalism or assault. Long Island could be the only place where crime can be perceived as embraced as demonstrated by the somewhat successful reality TV show about a famous organized crime family who lives on Long Island; Bringing Up Gotti. Now New Yorkers have to deal with a different type of crime; terrorism. The treat of the next terrorist attack looms over the head of every New Yorker and everyone knows it is not a matter of if there is going to be another attack, but when.

Difficulty: Everything is just so hard. It is grueling to get from one place to another, challenging to make ends meet, difficult dealing with threats and crime, demanding staying on top of fashion and trends, and tough to handle the stress that this all brings. Just leaving Long Island will lower your blood pressure. Life is hard everywhere, but in New York it is often impossible and unbearable. People often complain about how hard it is to live in New York but no one ever really leaves. Guess they like the pizza too much.

"I hated Long Island and I had to get out." - Peggy Lipton, actress

Carpe Vita

During disasters we are naturally drawn to the stories of those who lived to tell their tales of survival; our instinct to celebrate human triumph over tragedy. Personal accounts of those narrowly escaping death, fighting to live and rescuing strangers, narratives of human strength, perseverance and fortitude, act as the coping mechanism necessary to move on with life. We each move on. Remember the days following the events of September 11th when no one thought the world would continue to spin? It did; we all did. We all spun right back into the routines of our everyday lives without learning the most important lessons these catastrophic events can teach us.

Last week, many around the world asked themselves “who do I know in Minnesota” and if their answer to that question was anything other then “no one” then they placed a call, sent a text or wrote an email. We instinctively reach out to those we know to ensure they are okay, even if eons passed since the prior conversation. The phone is picked up and dialed without hesitation; no thoughts on the amount of time the call might take, if the other person will be mad for the number of years since you last spoke, worrying of bothering someone during time with their family, or the countless other excuses we routinely use to avoid calling our friends and family. Bad news means we have no excuse to reach out and show we care. After the news becomes old, we return to the hustle and bustle of our lives, forgetting once again to keep the communication channels open with those we care about.

Whether you were in or around New York after the terrorist attacks, lived the path of a natural disaster, felt the tremors of California, resided in Minnesota after last week’s bridge collapse or been anywhere by a terrible world event, you learned the experience of being on the receiving end of the “are you okay” call. We hardly take the time to reflect on the importance of these phone calls as their numbers become as overwhelming as the experience that brought them on. Calls and messages of concern come out of nowhere as people we may forget show us they did not forget us. Through all these messages of concern and relief, we miss the biggest message of them all; the impact made on someone’s life that makes us important enough to call.

After devastating events, we recognize the real fortunes we have in our lives; our friends and family. It is not our possessions or careers that define our place and path in the world; it is our relationships and experiences. For a short time we remember to spend time with those we love, to let others know they are on our minds, and to accomplish things we want to do before we die. These are the times when we often quote an unnamed friend of Paul Tsongas, "No man ever said on his deathbed, 'I wish I had spent more time at the office.’” Unfortunately, this lesson is very short-lived. Time marches on and so do we; falling back into our routines and forgetting what we learned in the face of disaster. We begin putting work over family, stop calling friends, forget birthdays and anniversaries, neglect to tell people they are loved, forgo traveling, put off reading a good book and make excuses for putting everything ahead of the people in our lives.

If you watched TV this week, you heard the stories of human survival, but the most important lesson we can learn during these times is never delivered; life is not about surviving, it is about living. Most will never need the lesson we were delivered on surviving a sinking car, but we all could use but we all use a refresher course on how to live life:

• Pick up the phone and call your friends and family in good times and in bad.
• Know the people who care about you, and put them all at the top of your priority life.
• Carpe Vita... Seize Life!
  

I ♥ (some things about) New York

Just after I turned 18, I left my home on Long Island for college in Virginia and have never considered moving back. Despite choosing to leave my home state, bad mouthing it often and now living over 1000 miles away, there are some very good things about New York. Unlike the famous slogan, I do not love New York, but there some things about New York that I love.

My family and friends: They are my backbone, my strength, my roots to this world and the number one reason I visit home time and time again. I appreciate their honesty about my attitude, my weight, my career and my relationships; the kind of brutal frankness that could only be delivered by a New Yorker. There is no such thing as passive-aggressiveness in a typical New York household, something I know it has taken my loving husband time to get used to. Everything is direct and delivered with enthusiasm. Arguments are loud, grief is all-consuming and joyous times are celebrated. Highs are high, lows are low, we love, we hate and there is really no middle ground; we like to refer to this characteristic as “passion.”

Jones Beach:The smell of salt water, sound of crashing waves, feeling of the sand and the boardwalk under your feet, taste of Manhattan Clam Chowder and big ice cream cones and sight of umbrellas and sunbathers dotting the never-ending strip of sand; a visit to Jones Beach is a feast for all the senses and summer does not feel the same without it.

Yankee Stadium: Even with the renaissance in classic stadium construction, nothing compares to the House that Babe Ruth built. Often referred to as the “Mecca of Ballparks,” entering the hallowed field is a moving experience even for those who are *gasp* Boston Red Sox fans. Whether it is the massive size of the stadium, the memories of historic moments on the field or the passionate fervor of Yankee fans, there is something for everyone to experience in the ballpark and I mourn the day our boys in pinstripes play on a new field.

Food: Many of the best five star restaurants in the US are in New York, but those are not the focus of the eating binges that dominate every visit home. It is the little places, often tucked away on side streets or hiding in a strip mall, that offer the best local dining. No trip to see my family would be complete without a slice of Alfredo’s sausage pizza, King House hot and sour soup, an everything bagel with cream cheese or a black and white cookie. Bringing and empty suitcase is always necessary to return with several loaves of Cardinali meat bread, Gabila's Knishes, hot Italian sausages, Wise garlic and onion potato chips, Sabrett Onions and Cake Mate festive fixings sprinkles.

Delis: The concept of a good deli is lost anywhere but the Northeast. Where else can you go and get a newspaper, 6-pack of beer, pint of potato salad, hot heros, lighter fluid, tampons and ice cream all in one little stop. I love visiting the Ed Woltmann Deli in Carle Place and screaming my order for a Pepperoni on a roll over the counter and getting a sandwich that is filled with a pound a meat piled high. Couple that with the best German Potato salad on the planet and you have yourself the quintessential Deli meal.

Christmas: New Yorkers love a good party, and nothing gives them more reason to have fun then a big holiday. While every holiday, from Easter to Columbus Day, is cause for celebration, nothing brings people together like Christmas. It really is the only time of the year to visit New York City; a walk down Fifth Avenue is a treat for young and old whether your best friends are stuffed animals at FAO Schwartz or diamonds at Tiffany’s. Christians and non-Christians alike are impressed by the beauty of St. Patrick’s Cathedral, and nothing says Christmas like the tree and ice-skaters at Rockefeller Center. Everything in New York is done big and over the top, and this permeates into everyone’s home. Walk into a New Yorker’s house around the holidays and you would swear you are entering the Christmas Display at Macy*s.

Shopping: While most marvel at high-end stores like Prada and Tiffany, the real enthusiasts know New York is the best place to bargain shop. Whether you are looking for deals on high end merchandise at sample sales or Century 21, or knock-off purses in back alleyways, you can fill up your suitcase with great items without emptying your wallet. New York is also the place to find rare items or odd stuff. Our favorite place to look for random things is Fortunoff. We always said if you couldn’t find something in Fortunoff, chances are it didn’t exist.

The Bronx Zoo: After visiting the San Diego Zoo, which is often touted as the best zoo in the world, I still stand by my conviction that the Bronx Zoo deserves all the prizes and accolades. It is the premier facility for wildlife conservation, saving more endangered species then any other zoo in the world. The habitats are amazing and offer visitors, young and old, the most intense and amazing educational experiences. Part of the draw is the juxtaposition of this beautiful zoo with its incredible landscapes against the backdrop of New York’s “toughest” borough. Living my earlier years just blocks from the Zoo’s entrance is a major factor on my love and passion for animals.

Broadway: I can hardly sit through a 2 hour Hollywood blockbuster, but would see a Broadway show every day of the week if I could afford to. Nothing beats the theatre for true entertainment. Thousands of talented actors pour their hearts and souls out for audiences daily without the fallback of the re-take or benefits of magical editing. I will remember the power of “Phantom of the Opera,” the hilarity of “A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum,” and the music of “Rent” long after I have forgotten the latest major motion picture.

Camaraderie: The rest of the world was amazed at the kindness, strength, spirit and determination displayed by New Yorkers on the wake of September 11th. The images and stories captured by the media are the people I know; those who would jump into a burning building to save someone, would offer their couch to a person in need, would pull over to give a stranded motorist a jump (even if they are a Met fan) and would drop everything they are doing to help a child in need. New Yorkers have a rough exterior to survive the difficulty of living in a city that has survived it all; crime, pollution, corruption and terrorism to name just a few. At their core, New Yorkers are the most generous and thoughtful people you will ever meet. It is hard to crack their exterior and fully gain their trust, but once you do, you have a friend for life.

More then just sex in the city

Carrie, Miranda, Samantha and Charlotte had more then just sex in the city, they had meals and drinks at many of New York's finest spots. Here is a short guide of some places seen on the show if you want to follow in the footsteps of these characters on your next trip to the big city.

Old Town Bar
45 East 18th Street
"Take Me Out to the Ballgame" Episode 13, Season 2
Carrie bumps into Big at this historic bar while on a date with the New Yankee.

Bowlmor Lanes
110 University Place
"Four Women and a Funeral" Episode 17, Season 2
Carrie slums it and goes bowling with Big.

Magnolia Bakery
401 Bleeker Street
"No Ifs, Ands or Butts" Episode 35, Season 3
Carrie admits to Miranda that she has a crush on Aidan while dining on cupcakes at New York’s newest culinary institution.

Cowgirl Hall of Fame
519 Hudson Street
"Cock a Doodle Do" Episode 48, Season 3
Carrie and Miranda bump into Aidan and Steve, immediately thinking the boys are talking about them think are talking about them. Carrie and Miranda soon learn that Aidan and Steve are on dates with their new girlfriends. The Frito chilli and pitchers of margaritas are must haves!

Onieals
174 Grand Street
"Ghost Town" Episode 53, Season 4
Home of Steve and Aidan's new bar in it's Grand Opening episode.

Slate
54 West 21st Street
"Belles of the Balls" Episode 58, Season 4
Billiard Hall where Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, Charlotte and Aidan take Steve to celebrate being cancer free. "Only one ball left!"

Ben's Pizza
177 Spring Street
"Just Say Yes" Episode 60, Season 4
Carrie asks Aidan to move in with her at the greatest pizza parlor in SoHo.

Meet
71-73 Gansevoort Street
"Luck be an Old Lady Tonight" Episode 68, Season 5
A blind date stands Carrie up at this hot restaurant in the Meatpacking district.

Two Boots
Pizzeria 201 West 11 Street
"Great Sexpectations" Episode 76, Season 6
Pizza joint where Miranda and Carrie go for a slice after finding a Raw food diet leaves them hungry.

Horseshoe Bar (aka 7B, aka Vazac's)
108 Avenue B
"The Post-It Always Sticks Twice" Episode 81, Season 6
White Trash bar where Charlotte the second time bachelorette joins in on another party, Samantha kisses another woman's boyfriend and Carrie is almost arrested for smoking pot on the street corner and gets out of trouble because her boyfriend broke up with her over a post-it note.

Pete's Tavern
129 East 18th Street
"The Ick Factor" Episode 88, Season 6
Miranda and Steve get engaged at this legendary tavern.

For more ideas, visit HBO's 50 Memorable Sex in the City locations to create your own experience.