Friday, August 22, 2008

Pick on Someone Your Own Age

It would be unfair to critique how the ladies of 1975 are aging and ignore the gentlemen born in the Year of the Rabbit. It is well documented that as men age they become more distinguished whereas women just get old. I don’t know if one can be distinguished by 32 or 33 years old, however I do know that many of the gentlemen from 1975 are fine specimens of human being; guess that’s why I ended up marrying someone born the same as me!

Besides analyzing looks, it is difficult to ignore the caliber of Hollywood talent the women of 1975 control. Hollywood powerhouses like Charlize Theron, Kate Winslet, and Drew Barrymore win awards and box office dollars. The men of 1975 are less influential in the movies, but certainly dominate ESPN headlines.

Chris Moneymaker: Made famous by the rage of televising poker on cable, this World Series of Poker phenomenon has obviously taken advantage of the free booze and food provided in Vegas to high rollers. On a good day I would guess he’s in his forties, but that’s an insult to all those people in their forties who look years younger than him (and that’s a lot of people). You think staying in the sunless, oxygen controlled environment of a casino would help, but he’s the poster child for avoiding booze, smoke, stress, and buffets.

Alan Iverson: He’s aged poorly and looks so terrible that blogger wouldn’t let me upload the photo. No joke. Go to this weblink to see how all the money in the world can’t counteract aging.

David Ortiz: Maybe he should have stayed in Minnesota where the air is clear, pure, and crisp, but “Big Papi” looks old enough to be my papi.

Matt Hasslebeck: Normally I love bald men, but this Seattle Seahawks Quarterback should consider some sexy facial hair to balance his cue ball cranium. He looks older, but any man whose brother (editor's note: I apologize for originally mixing Tim and Matt Hasslebeck up) married the no-talent, whiny, unintelligent, air-headed blonde Elizabeth Hasselbeck is going to age exorbitantly faster then the rest of the population.

Jamie Oliver: Britain’s celebrity chef, also known as “The Naked Chef,” has lost some of his boyish good looks with age but still looks smashingly young. Perhaps his fountain of youth is found in his commitment to eating fresh, organic meals; I could only hope.

Enrique Iglesias: This singer of Latin and Pop ballads looks about his age, which is a little disappointing as he was hot like fire in the late 90s and early this decade. His signature mole had to be removed due to a skin cancer scare, and he lost a little of his signature style losing the mole. Of course, he could age all he wants and lose half of his face and still be the envy of men worldwide because of his longtime relationship with tennis player Anna Kournikova.

Casey Affleck: Ben’s younger brother, although not as well known, is fast becoming one of the most sought after, respected young men in Hollywood. He looks young now, but with how quickly his brother suddenly started to age is family history going to repeat itself?

Alex Rodriguez: A-rod made many women nationwide pay a little more attention to the national pastime. Early in his career there was no one in sports better looking then this baseball slugger. Playing for the Yankees, with all the media attention, pressure, and sacrifice of personal life that accompanies playing in New York, is aging this poster boy.

Michael Buble: I always thought this baby faced big bang singer was younger due to reviews exclaiming how rare it is for someone so young to have such a mature singing voice.

Tobey Maguire: Spiderman appears much younger than his age of 33; perhaps that spider bite is also the fountain of youth.

Zach Braff: Geeks often age slowly and this actor from Scrubs and Garden State is no exception. His role on Scrubs as an insecure, goofball doctor makes him appear even younger.

Tiki Barber: The former NY Football Giants star and now NFL commentator is hot like fire with a smile that could light the top of the Chrysler Building. I cannot judge whether Tiki looks older or younger because I knew before researching he was the same age as me. We were both seniors in college in 1997 when he and his brother got a photo shoot with the Governor of Virginia… and I was a lowly intern getting them water.

David Beckham: It is a real shame this international soccer superstar is married to such a scary, botoxed Spice Girl; there are so many women more deserving of Becks. First and foremost, soccer players rank very high in the “best athletic body” competition. Then there are the dimples. Unfortunately, David Beckham is a prime example of the early wrinkling that can happen with too much sun exposure. Wear sunscreen on the futbol field Becks!

Tiger Woods: Unarguably one of the best golfers of all time, Tiger Woods is blessed with amazing genes that allow him to spend way too much time in the sun and still look amazingly young. The only reason to think he’s older than his current age of 32 (he’ll be 33 in December) is his amazing success and longevity in the spotlight.

9 comments:

Steve and Stepher said...

TOTALLY agree about Matt Hasslebeck. How he's still alive being married to that - to that - ummm, woman is BEYOND me.

I think most of these guys peaked n their 20s which is sad b/c by the time they're 40 to 50something, they'll probably be botoxed and/or nip/tucked into some freakish man creature.

This proves that money can't buy you everything!

Colleen Uuereb said...

Okay...as a Seahawks fan, I must correct your statement about Matt being married to Elizabeth. She is actually married to his younger brother, Tim. So, no more dogging him on his choice of partners, please.

Ronald said...

I'm one of those who is blessed/cursed with looking 10 years younger than my true age. Chalk it up to a combination of Asian genes and lack of height. :) I guess generally it's a good thing, except in situations where I don't get the proper respect because people think I'm too "young"... heh.

SeahawksFan said...

No more dogging on Matt HASSELBECK!! His younger brother Tim, married Elizabeth HASSELBECK, not Matt. Also, the reason he doesn't have any hair left on his head is because he is the smartest QB in the NFL and his cranium can't hold all that knowledge and folicles at the same time. SEATTLE SEAHAWKS, BABY!!!

Explosive Bombchelle said...

Colleen and Seahawks fan: I apologize for the mix-up on Tim vs. Matt but I still stand behind my assessment that Matt is not aging well. Note to white guys everywhere: unless you have the perfect shaped head it is important to grow facial hair after deciding to shave the cranium bald.

Claire said...

I have no opinion on most of these guys...but I do like Jamie Oliver. We watched an episode of Iron Chef America that we had recorded, & he was on it. Funny guy!

Oh, & Michael Buble...gotta love him.

Nursedude said...

Chelle, I should show you the
"Dieux du Stade" calendar that my daughter got in France last year-the professional rugby players in that calendar look pretty good(but some of the poses are REALLY kind of odd, and in some cases homo-erotic, must be selling the calendar to both sets of fans)

You know what? When I went to my 25 year HS reunion a couple of years ago, I really thought my female classmates GENERALLY aged better than the guys. (With one real glaring exception, a former swimmer who was HOT in HS looks like she is in her 60's-no exaggeration)

Explosive Bombchelle said...

Nursedude, do you think the women at your reunion generally looked better, or did the women who looked awful skip the reunion?

Nursedude said...

I think that that is a valid question, but I think overall, the gals really did look better-but then, as a straight male, maybe I was a bit biased.

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