Friday, September 21, 2007

Love. Friendship. Marriage.

Planning a wedding is an exercise in extreme project management, where the bride and groom must try and balance their requirements with that of their family, friends, officiant, caterer, florist, photographer, musicians and others to make the day run smoothly and deliver an end result that is more then just the marriage license, but also a lifetime of memories. Six years ago today, I vowed to spend the rest of my life with my husband. While every moment of that day had our personality weaved into the details, it was the ceremony that was uniquely ours. As I have written before, too many people neglect to focus on the actual reason for the wedding; the marriage. They place all their focus on the reception and forget to put thought into the ceremony. We firmly believe that the wedding ceremony, the reason for the celebration, should be memorable and meaningful to the couple. Music should be moving, readings should be touching, and vows should encompass the love and lifetime commitment the couple is taking on… while laying out a ground rule or two. While we had other events during the ceremony that made it memorable; the loud airplane flying overhead, the driver laying on his horn and screaming FU on the street, and the bird who decided that out of the 120 people in attendance at the ceremony, it was the bride he should poop on; the readings we chose and the vows we wrote will always be special and remind me of the commitment I made. The following readings were delivered by my cousins Nicole and Karen, and my husband’s cousin Julie. The words reflect the path our relationship took; Friendship, Love and Marriage.

Friendship - Anonymous
What is a friend? I will tell you. It is a person with whom you dare to be yourself. Your soul can be naked with them. They seem to ask of you to put on nothing, only to be what you are. They do not want you to be better or worse. When you are with them, you feel as a prisoner feels who has been declared innocent. You do not have to be on your guard, you can say what you think, so long as it is genuinely you. They understand those contradictions in your nature that lead others to misjudge you. With a friend, you breathe freely. You can avow your little vanities and envies and hates and vicious sparks, your meanness, and absurdities and, in opening them up, they are lost — dissolves on the white ocean of their loyalty. A friend understands. You do not have to be careful. You can abuse them, neglect them, tolerate them. Best of all, you can keep still with them. It makes no matter. They like you. They are like fire that purges to the bone. They understand. You can weep with them, sing with them, laugh with them, pray with them. Through it all — and underneath they see, know, and love you.
Love- Anonymous
Love is a friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad. It settles for less than perfection, and makes allowances for human weakness. Love is content with the present. It hopes for the future and it doesn't brood over the past. It's the day-in and day-out chronicle of irritations, problems, compromises, small disappointments, big victories, and working toward common goals. If you have love in your life, it can make up for a great many things you lack. If you don't have it, no matter what else there is, it is not enough, so search for it, ask God for it, and share it!
Marriage- Anonymous
Why Marriage?
Because to the depths of me, I long to love one person, with all my heart, my soul, my mind, my body...

Because I need a forever friend to trust with the intimacies of me, who won't hold them against me, who loves me when I'm unlikable, who sees the small child in me, and who looks for the divine potential of me...

Because I need to cuddle in the warmth of the night with someone who thanks God for me, with someone I feel blessed to hold...

Because marriage means opportunity to grow in love in friendship...

Because marriage is a discipline to be added to a list of achievements...

Because marriages do not fail, people fail when they enter into marriage expecting another to make them whole...

Because, knowing this, I promise myself to take full responsibility for my spiritual, mental and physical wholeness. I create me, I take half of the responsibility for my marriage. Together we create our marriage...

Because of this understanding the possibilities are limitless.

The Vows
  • Do you promise to be the best yourselves and ask of no more than the same
  • Do you promise to respect eachother as individuals and realize that your spouses desires and needs are no less important than your own…
  • Do you promise to share your time, thoughts and attention to bring joy, strength and imagination to your relationship
  • Do you promise to grow together, to be willing to face changes and challenges in order to keep excitement in your union
You are my best friend, my partner and my soul mate. Today, I vow to you in front of our family and friendsvto love you as my only for a lifetime. I promise to love you in good times and in bad, with all I have to give and with all I feel inside, completely and forever.

Wishing everone the type of happiness that can only come from sharing an equal partnership and marrying your best friend...


3 comments:

NeeNee said...

You should also have the Pastor Speak in German, KLASSY with a K!!!

Happy Anniversary!!!

Amy said...

Happy, happy anniversary!!!

Diane said...

When we think back on ceremonies we have attended, we never remeber the vows. Your post and the publishing of your vows remind me that this is something we as guests should pay more attention to. If you had asked me last week (or even yesterday) if I remembered any part of your vows, I would have honestly said do. Re-reading them has broght them back to mind. Yours is one of the few ceremonies I can honestly say that I paid attention to the readings and vows during the ceremony. I hope you continnue in your path of love and have many more anniversaries to celebrate.

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