A League of My Own

Today is the annual fantasy baseball draft hosted (mostly) in our living room. I say mostly as this year the decision was made to continue a live draft, bringing friends together for hours of unhealthy food and beer, but also including friends who no longer live locally through a teleconference and web-ex. It should be amusing especially since I am just an onlooker this year. While my unique drafting strategy is the source of great amusement in our league I realized my participation was nothing more then throwing $40 away each year; I do not have a routine or lifestyle that lends to daily roster checks and injury reports. My team, the Pabst Smears (formerly known as the Multiple Scoregasms), might not be playing but I still put together a fantasy lineup for everyone’s amusement. Using my long standing and legendary drafting strategy focusing on players with suggestive names yielded the following lineup for the 2008 MLB Fantasy season:

Starting Pitchers

• Randy Johnson
• R.A. Dickey
• Rich Harden
• Ben Sheets
• Matt Palmer
• Adam Eaton

Relief Pitchers

• Brian Slocum
• Mike Koplove
• Kazuo Fukumori

Catchers:

• Brad Ausmus
• Rod Barajas

First Base:

• Kyle Blanks
• Richie Sexson

Second Base:

• Scott Sizemore
• Freddy Sanchez

Shortstop:

• Matt Bush
• Jemel Spearman

Third Base:

• Brandon Wood
• Zelous Wheeler

Outfield

• Barry Bonds
• Chris Dickerson
• Quinton McCracken
• Rocco Baldelli
• Jarred Ball
• B.J. Upton

Rather then spending weeks pouring over the countless resources available to assist people with their fantasy draft this method saves time with the end of season results just about the same whether I prepared with stats and spreadsheets or used the juvenile corner of my mind that still giggles at things like sexual suggestive names. It is a much more objective methodology then trying to determine who looks better in their pants and after a few beverages even the gentlemen in the league can appreciate the humor of the suggestive name fantasy baseball draft strategy.

Super Menu VIII

It was inevitable that our 8th annual Super Bowl party, themed to match the host and team cities, would include New England. New England's continuous visits to the Super Bowl make keeping the menu fresh and unique quite challenging. Sick of Boston Baked Beans and Clam Chowder, the New Jersey Giants and Arizona were favored heavily on this year’s menu. We enlisted the help of friends and family in the preparation and presentation of our annual Super Bowl feast and the outcome was far better then any of the commercials that night.

Arizona was well represented this year with our friend Amy assigned the state and enlisting the assistance of our friends Tara, Chris, Sara and Wade. With our brutally cold winter it was nice to warm up with some fine Southwestern faire. Amy made her world famous Enchiladas served piping hot with her homemade Guacamole. Tara’s Corn Salsa presented in a giant margarita glass was both beautiful and tasty. Bottles of Patron Tequila from Amy, Sara, Wade, Chris and Tara made for very tasty Prickly Pear Margaritas. Wade and Sara spiced up the party with Chili Beer, every bottle complete with its own chili pepper. The stadium bundt pan made and appearance; the caramel cake decorated with Vikings purple and yellow (dare to dream!).

New York/New Jersey included many of my hometown favorites. Mom hooked us up with Gabila’s Knishes and Wise Onion and Garlic potato chips, two things I import back to Minnesota every time I visit my family. Like every good tailgater at the Meadowlands we made Italian Sausages and topped them with roasted peppers and onions. We visited Breadsmith the morning of the big game to get fresh hot dog buns for the sausages and discovered they also sell soft pretzels. Even with the frigid temperatures we fired up the grill and cooked all the New York food outside and discovered that nothing beats soft pretzels with a smoky flavor. Tara and Chris provided us with a White Chocolate Raspberry Cheesecake to satisfy our sweet teeth.

New England's presence on the menu was almost bypassed altogether but decided we had to pay homage to the AFC representative in the game. Wade whipped up a Crab and Lobster Dip which he baked in a crusty bread bowl. It would not be a Super Bowl party without me trying to make a funky cheesecake and this year’s entry was a Maple Sugar Cheesecake. It was like pancakes but not as healthy.

The food and the game both turned out better then expected and we look forward to next year when the menu will include items from the host city, Tampa, and whatever teams are lucky enough to play in Super Bowl XLIII.

• Super Bowl XLI Menu

Patriots Arrested by Karma Police

In any sport there are unwritten rules of etiquette for players, coaches and fans. Sports are introduced to us at a young age to teach the concepts of fair play, sportsmanship and personal character. Each player, coach and official who engages in activities that violate the ethical and moral standards of the game hurt the public’s perception of professional athletics and the game itself. But in our world where increasingly winning is everything there is little keeping all those involved in sports from lying and cheating their way to the top. The New England Patriots, with all the reports of foul play surrounding them, came close to giving the values of morality and sportsmanship the middle finger with the first undefeated season since 1972. But what the team, and the world of sports, forgot is what goes around comes around and it all came right back at the New England Patriots.

The Patriots suffered a monumental collapse in their historic season with a loss to the New York Giants in Super Bowl XLII; ending their quest for a perfect season and bid as the greatest team of all time. Sports fans, writers and commentators all have their own opinion on how the mighty fell, blaming everything from injuries to the officiating. There are as many reasons the Patriots lost as there were people watching the big game but all those reasons align to one major theme; the Karma Police finally caught up with New England.

Don't embarrass your opponent: Running up the score, making insane play calls just to show off and over-celebrating a touchdown when the score is already 52-0 is unnecessary and classless. Tom Brady, Randy Moss and the rest of the team have forgotten how to be good winners; they all need little rubber bracelets with WWLD, What Would Lombardi Do, as a reminder to take success graciously.
Remove starters in the fourth quarter when you have a commanding lead: It is not only good to remove your starters to keep them healthy and to give your second line some much needed playing time, it also allows the opposing team to survive a difficult game with their pride intact. The Patriots were penny wise and pound foolish with their starters; they broke records but with some rest they might have more hardware on their fingers.
Never call for an onside kick with a big lead: I cannot find an example of the Patriots engaging in this heinous play call, but honestly wouldn’t put it past them.
Punt: Going for it on fourth and 2 with a 38 point lead does nothing but rub salt in the wounds of players and fans alike and is unnecessarily greedy.
Always take a knee at the end of a game that is already decided: Even if you have a team that is on the verge of breaking scoring records and has the ability to score a 76 yard touchdown in the final seconds of the game it is a mark of class and maturity to take the knee if you are already pummeling your opponents.
Never steal another team's signs or plays: There are many accusations against the Patriots for taping their opponents practices and play calls. The Patriots were fined (albeit barely) for this cheating behavior and many in the league brushed off the practice as something all teams engage in and the real crime was getting caught. As our mother’s used to say if all your friends jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge would you do it too? Just because “everyone does it” doesn’t make it right. To further insult fans the NFL commissioner had all evidence destroyed.
Deliver a firm and sincere handshake: Anyone who has participated in team sports knows the end of every game requires a receiving line where opposing teams congratulate each other for a “good game.” Sometimes this practice is hard but it is always done. One major complaint about the Patriots and their head coach is how they come off as pompous and arrogant during and after the game and are poor winners. After the Super Bowl Bill Belichick showed that he is a poor loser as well, walking off the field prior to the game actually ending, the most classless thing a team or coach can do at the end of the biggest game in sports.
Always remember your humble beginnings: It is amazing how quickly history is forgotten, and how often it repeats itself. It was only six years ago that the Patriots shocked the world of sports by beating the St. Louis Rams in a huge Super Bowl upset. No one gave the Patriots and their young starting quarterback Tom Brady a chance. Sound familiar?
Dress to Impress: The Karma Police are often assisted by another member of the force; The Fashion Police. If the old saying “clothes make the man” has any validity then Bill Belichick is a bum. Even with the NFL rules dictating that all attire must be from Reebok there has to be options dressier then the baggy, sleeveless sweatshirt Belichick wears week after badly dressed week. An NFL head coach is a highly paid professional and their clothes should reflect this high ranking status. Imagine if your head bosses dressed more casually then the rest of their staff. Good clothes command greater respect and managers should always dress better then their employees and the red dress hoodie he donned in the Super Bowl does not count as dressing up.

The Patriots learned how cruel the Karma Police can be in their loss to Giant underdogs. Their “perfect” season will now be remembered for the single loss that happened in the biggest game of the year, and it couldn’t have happened to a more deserving team.

Hearings like deja vu all over again

How many countless hours have our political leaders focused on the issue of steroids in baseball? It is an election year where the United States is involved in a winless war, the “American Dream” of homeownership is turning into a mortgage crisis nightmare, our economy quickly slipping into recession territory, public schools churning out thousands of children who cannot read or write, and residents of New Orleans are still living in FEMA trailers over 2 years after Hurricane Katrina and congress is holding yet another round Major League Baseball hearings. With all the issues that are plaguing our country are another round of steroid hearings the best use of Washington’s time and taxpayers’ money?

The Committee on Oversight and Government Reform is the main investigative arm of the U.S. House of Representatives with jurisdiction to probe any federal program and matters with federal policy implications. To begin investigating the MLB and players congress had to devise a way for this non-federal program to fall within the definition of “matters with federal policy implications.” The website for the Committee on Oversight and Government Reform published the following statement to “justify” their focus on the issue:

“Steroid use among teenagers is increasing rapidly, with some experts estimating that nearly half a million teens have used steroids and other performance enhancing drugs in recent years. The related health risks can be devastating: heart and liver damage, infection, changes in sexual characteristics, violent rages, and even severe depression that can lead to suicide. Because of the influence of professional athletes on teen behavior, the Oversight and Government Reform Committee is investigating steroid use in professional sports and the adequacy of efforts by the Major League Baseball, the NFL, and other professional sports leagues to eliminate their use.”

Essentially the excuse used by congress to waste their time and your money on this issue is because teenagers are easily impressionable and take steroids because they see ball players doing it. While I see the logic behind this train of thought I still question whether this issue is within the jurisdiction of the federal government or whether there are other reasons behind the decision to pursue these matters within the walls of the US Capitol. If there is an “Impressionable Teenager” litmus test for determining the need for a congressional investigation will Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton and the Spears girls be brought before congress to testify on their impact on teenage drinking, drug use, pregnancy rates, spending and eating disorders all of which impact far more then the half million teens estimated to use steroids. Is congress just as “star-struck” as teenagers that when presented with the opportunity to meet, subpoena and question baseball players they had to take it?

Baseball did permit, and by some accounts encouraged, the use of performance enhancing drugs and that is certainly an employee abuse issue that warranted examination by the department of labor, not congress. Even the Mitchell Report concluded “that everyone in baseball is responsible: the owners, the commissioner, the union and the players." Major League Baseball has a serious Human Resources personnel issue, not a federal one. Congress should stop wasting their time and our money investigating frivolous nonsense and “play ball” on issues that really effect US citizens.

SK8RGRL

My fitness routine this summer revolved around my goal to skate the Northshore Inline marathon in under 2 hours, something I was unable to accomplish in my previous 3 races. This goal was set for two major reasons; to lose 10 pounds through focusing on body strength and endurance and to ensure I was not beat by my friend’s 65 year old father. The bad news; none of my goals were accomplished. The good news; I am completely satisfied with the race, the results of my performance and the lessons I learned through the experience.

Basic Biology: In order to lose weight, it is essential to remember the following; your calories burned must be more then your calories used. While it is important to eat enough calories to lose weight at a healthy rate, carbing up like it is race day everyday is counterproductive in achieving any weight loss goal. Using my training schedule as an excuse to eat anything I wanted, I had actually put on 5 pounds by the end of the summer (and muscle weight was really not an excuse). After realizing I was sabotaging myself, I refocused and lost 10 pounds (for a net loss of 5) before race day.

The Joy of Joints: Joints take on a whole new meaning when training in your thirties. Joints are not things that people smoke, or places they hang out, but the areas of the body that suddenly hurt with each and every workout. Advil is no longer used to treat a headache after a late night, but as a survival tool necessary to walk up a flight of stairs or sit for an hour without excruciating pain. The biggest discovery of the summer was how my fluctuating weight effected how my body ached. Being overweight in your teens and twenties is unhealthy, but you never really understand what carrying the extra tonnage is doing to your body. By thirty it becomes increasingly apparent what a few extra pounds does; joints literally protest the extra weight they carry around. Knees are the first thing to go on an athlete, and mine have been going for years, but this summer it was my hip joints that were causing training setbacks. Taking just 5 pounds off my joints helped me through the race.

Be yourself: Not everyone is built to compete in the Iron Man triathlon, run the Boston Marathon, bike in the Tour de France, swim the English Channel, climb the Himalayas or hike the Appalachian Trail, yet we are each guilty of taking on activities that are completely wrong for both our physique and lifestyles. For years I did the fitness equivalent of fitting a square peg in a round hole; running miles and miles and miles, destroying my body both physically and emotionally. Severe pain and the lack of passion for running led to many skipped workouts. Long-term health and wellbeing requires finding a sport or exercise that is both enjoyable and doable. There is no sense in being in tip top shape in your twenties and thirties if you can no longer move in your fifties.

Goals are meant to be modified: A few days before the race I declared that I was ready both physically and emotionally to break the two hour mark… as long as there was not a severe headwind. Up until the day of the race, I thought nothing could be worse then last year’s rainy inline marathon. Mother Nature has a sense of humor, and racers quickly learned what was worse then rain; an unseasonably cold and blustery day. The official temperature at the start of the marathon was 28 degrees with a 10 MPH headwind. The temperature did rise enough to curtail the number of hypothermia cases, but the whitecaps on Lake Superior provided a visual display of what every skater felt happening; the headwind picked up to over 20 MPH. Around the ten mile mark I was no longer able to “race my race,” forced to reassess my 2 hour goal and establish a new goal; just get to the finish line. Angels on wheels were all around; leading drag lines of 30 or more people, helping everyone fight the brutal wind. It was impossible to catch a break, even downhill; everyone who tried to coast immediately learned that the wind would actually push them backwards. People were cramping from the cold temperatures and a few were throwing up on the side of the road from extreme fatigue. By the time I made it to my cheering section at the 23 mile mark, Lemondrop Hill, I was physically spent and had nothing left in the gas tank, almost unable to make it up the famed slope. Somehow I made it up the hill, the site of the Duluth Aerial Lift Bridge bringing a tear to my eyes. 3.2 miles later I was crossing the finish line, never so happy to hear my name grossly mispronounced by the announcers.

"There is a beer at the end of this wind tunnel."
- Explosive Bombchelle at mile marker 16

Celebrate your strengths: I am not the best skater with the prettiest stride or the best times, but after completing the 2007 NSIM I can feel perfectly comfortable saying I am a skater. My early days of skating were on city streets and hockey rinks and the strengths I developed then came in handy during the race; bobbing my way through crowds who were unable to handle the conditions, mentally fighting the urge to drop out through my competitive spirit, and overcoming extreme pain and fatigue to finish the race like my previous three; strong and fast over the finish line. Until this year’s race, I always discounted skating, being quick to correct people who thought I ran marathons, declaring I was not “that athletic.” Surviving the rain of the 2006 NSIM and the brutal wind and cold of the 2007 NSIM finally made me realize that I might not run marathons, but I should not be ashamed that I skate them. The race was the hardest thing physical thing I have ever done and challenging my body like that is among the most amazing things I have ever accomplished; better then any size 10 I ever starved myself into. Whether you can complete a marathon, walk the Breast Cancer 3 Day, Bike a 100-miler, climb a Colorado 14er, or complete a workout tape, it is so important to set a physical goal and work hard to achieve it.

I survived the 2007 Northshore Inline Marathon and am already looking forward to racing next year. Although my time this year was slower, the stats below show improvement; I should actually move up a heat with my posted time! I still want to complete the race in under 2 hours and hopefully Mother Nature is kinder next year; but just in case, I will pack my snowsuit.

By the Numbers:
2007 Results:
Number of Finishers: 2559
Average Time: 2:22:54 (slowest average of the 12 year history of the race)
Place Overall: 1587
Division Place (F 30-34): 51/115
Gender Place: 435/1063
Total Time: 2:28:52
Pace: 5:41

2006 results:
Number of Total Finishers: 2275
Average Time: 2:02:38
Place Overall: 1697
Division Place: 69/115
Gender Place: 530/940
Total Time: 2:16:24
Pace: 5:13

Field of schemes

One of the fundamental lessons we learn growing up from our parents, teachers and coaches is that winners never cheat and cheaters never win. This lesson is foundational in learning the values of honor, hard work, determination, perseverance and respect. Lying and cheating are the cornerstone of more serious crimes and usually among the first offenses children commit against their parents, their peers and their communities. Enforcing a code of honor and teaching the values of fairness early in their development is crucial for children to learn the difference between right and wrong and to grow into strong, law abiding pillars in our society. Unfortunately, families and educators face a myriad of barriers limiting their abilities to grown and shape children into upstanding adults and one major obstruction comes from pro-sports.

We look for athletes to serve as role models, people for children to learn from and emulate as they grow into adulthood. In the past the role of athlete serving as hero and role model to a nation’s youth was a major factor in children learning valuable life lessons such as the importance of teamwork, the need to study and train, the desire to achieve, and how to keep the eye on the ball. Those lessons, and others learned through sports, can be applied into every life situation whether it is in school, at home or in the workplace. Players’ questionable activities and links to horrific crimes in recent decades have made it increasingly difficult for parents and communities to consider them the strong role models they were in the past. When players are caught murdering girlfriends, selling drug and involved in drunk driving accidents the leagues and players argue that athletes remain stellar examples to children through their actions on the field, still demonstrating the valuable lessons available through team sports.

The past few years have brought headlines reporting numerous scandals on the field. What do children learn through the lack of actions against lying baseball players; cheating through steroid use is tolerated, it is acceptable to manipulate a ball for a better pitch and perfectly okay to cork a bat. Colleges far and wide are accused of allowing athletes to cheat on exams to ensure their grade point average allows them to play. The NBA is investigating referees charged with throwing games. We even hear of horses drugged by their trainers for better racing results.

In the most recent news we learn that the best way to become a football franchise of historical proportions, winning three of the past six Super bowls, is to stretch the limits on rules governing the use of technology. The NFL is accusing the New England Patriots of violating league rules when their video crew was caught taping the defensive signals of the New York Jets and potentially broadcasting them immediately to the coaches. For those who do not follow football, this is the equivalent of someone sitting behind a poker player, telling everyone what is in his hand. We must now wait and see how hard the NFL comes down on this storied team, their golden child quarterback and winning coach. If they get nothing more then a slap on the wrist, it is just another message that cheating is perfectly acceptable so long as you win. At least this gives fans of other AFC east teams, like this Buffalo Bills fan, another excuse to why we were unable to win the division in recent memory.

Many argue that cheating has always been present in athletics. While this might be true, the extensive coverage and subsequent lack of disciplinary action is making it impossible to use sports and athletes as methods to teach children that hard work and dedication, above all else, is how they will succeed in life. Children, and adults, are exposed to those who they admire and emulate engaging in deceitful activities in their livelihood and children are fast learning a dangerous lesson; it is okay to cheat so long as you win. It must be very difficult to raise an upstanding child in a culture that accepts cheating as part of the game and makes excuses for player indiscretions.

Quote of the Week

Are we ready for some football?

One of the great disappointments of a football game is that the cheerleaders never seem to get injured.
- Author Unknown

Don't Hate Me Because I'm a Yankee Fan

There are two types of people in the world, those who love the Yankees and those who hate the Yankees. For the most part, there is no gray area for how people feel about the American League ball club from New York. What always amazes me is just how many people don the blue cap and pinstripes and root whole heartedly for the team, even if they have never stepped foot in New York. Equally remarkable are those who hate the Yankees even if their team of choice never faces them during the season. This nation (if not world) wide passion is especially evident when seeing the Yankees perform in their away uniforms. No matter where I see the boys from the Bronx play, I am surrounded by throngs of fans and haters; forced to defend my loyalty for the team and explain why I am a Yankee fan.

These days, despite the amount of success the Yankees have experienced, it is actually difficult to be a Yankee fan. Try and be taken seriously when their very triumphs and victories become a source of content. First and foremost is the number of fair-weather fans success breeds. Yankee haters verbally attack fans by declaring their allegiance fake; one that jumped on the bandwagon sometime in the early to mid-90s, avoiding the heartbreak of the drought in the 1980s. As a lifelong fan, these people annoy me as well. Chances are they at one point rooted against the Yankees, softening up to the team after a few championship rings. These new fans cast a shadow on those who weathered the storm of failure and stuck with the team during the dark times; they make longtime Yankees fans appear less genuine. You are not a fan unless you survived verbal bashings in 1986 and were forced to root for the hated Boston Red Sox or a comet to hit the stadium and wipe out the teams, anything to avoid a Mets victory. To those who try to mock the length of my loyalty there is only one thing I say; “I am from the Bronx.” Amazing how 5 small words can get people to back off so quickly, like I am packing heat or carrying a crowbar.

Money, and the Yankees use of it, is definitely a major source of contention for Yankee haters. If I had a nickel for each time I heard someone complain about how much money the Yankees spend on their team, I could probably personally purchase the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. The Yankees do spend a great deal of money for their team and I do not always agree with their business model of purchasing the “best” team rather then building it. Only the people who discover the cure for cancer, how to run a car on water or even the formula for world peace deserve the exorbitant amount of money made by baseball players. Money and greed, today’s centerpiece of professional sports, are ruining the pure joy of the game with the Yankees a focal point of the issue. With this being said money does help build a successful team, but is not the only part of the winning equation; just look at the Baltimore Orioles who spend a ton on their team with abysmal results. There are plenty examples of successful teams with small payrolls and terrible teams with huge payrolls; it takes more then just money to build a successful team. Additionally, teams from smaller markets now benefit from baseball’s revenue sharing model, allowing them larger operating budgets based upon the spending of larger market teams.

Each time the Yankees announce the trade/purchase/acquisition of a big-name player, I cringe. While the team was successful in the past with bringing on superstar players to win titles, there does come a tipping point when this managerial philosophy becomes catastrophic. Baseball is like any business where a team with a diverse range of talents, personalities and backgrounds is the recipe for long-term success. At some point having too many superstars in the boardroom leads to serious organizational issues where competition is no longer friendly and the goals of the team are superseded by the power of the individuals, leading to overall failure. The Yankees failure to appear in the World Series the past few years and win one since 2000 demonstrates that money does not necessarily buy happiness and too many cooks may have spoiled the Yankees proverbial broth.

The revolving door of players also brings difficulty to following professional sports. Baseball is just not the same without the ability to cling to a player for their career, following them from farm league to hall of fame. There is almost a need to keep players at “arms length,” developing distant relationships to avoid the heartbreak of their trade. On the flip side, the deep rooted hatred for opposing teams and their players, the keystone to any good rivalry, makes it quite difficult to embrace certain players when they are suddenly on your team. To me, Roger Clemens is still a Red Sox, no matter how many World Series rings he helps the Bronx Bombers win. It is hard to be truly passionate about a team like the Yankees when the roster is full of people who once were the object of distain.

Despite all my concern around the Yankees they are still my team. The Yankees have an amazing history filled with triumph and tragedy. True Yankee fans are among the nation’s best, with an unparalleled understanding of the game, the history, and fan etiquette. I was born in pinstripes, mere miles from the stadium affectionately known as “The Bronx Zoo.” I support and root for my favorite team, but acknowledge their role in forever changing baseball from an enjoyable game to a cut-throat business. History shows that dynasties topple without a balance of power, money, popularity and fair leadership; hopefully Yankees management, players and fans understand what it takes to maintain their position Major League Baseball’s greatest dynasty.