To-Done List

Clinton Inauguration, January 1997

(First Published: 9/2007, Last Updated: 5/2018)One issue with our hectic lives is how much we focus on our everyday to-do lists, feverishly working day in and day out to get things accomplished and forgetting what it actually is we got done. The only time we spend remembering and recording our accomplishments is when it is time to apply to college or write a resume. It is important to have goals to strive for like a 100 things to do before you die list, but it is equally important to reminisce and celebrate everything completed; check off those things on your to-do list and record the unplanned, spontaneous accomplishments. A life to-do list is inspirational; motivating action. A life to-done list is rewarding; a chronicle providing reminders of everything achieved long after the memories become fuzzy and gray. It took months years of talking to friends and family to remember and compile the following list of accomplishments from my first 32 42 years; sad how easily we can forget vacations, concerts, celebrations and life experiences. Hopefully the following “to-done” list (by verb, not date accomplished) will spark inspiration for your to-do list or memories of what you need to record for memoirs:

Attended:

• a wedding overseas
• numerous bachelorette parties in New York City
• Bill Clinton's second inauguration from the VIP section and sat behind Dr. Ruth and in front of Michael Bolton (photo above)
• the Minnesota State Fair
• Jazzfest in New Orleans
• the Cherry Blossom Festival in DC
• the Virginia Wine Festival
• a Polo Match
• a Soccer game in Spain (Real Tenefrie vs. Real Oviedo)
• St. Paul's Winter Carnival
• the St. Olaf Christmas Festival
• Regensburg Dultfest
• Rothenburg Imperial City Festival
• Rhein en Flames
• Oktoberfest in Munich
• Taste of Chicago
• a movie premier and walked the red carpet
• the Minnesota Marriage Amendment signing and party
• numerous Minnesota State Fairs
• Diner en Blanc, Twin Cities

Celebrated:

• Yankees 1998 World Series victory parade in Manhattan
• Christmas in Sydney and Walt Disney World
• Independence Day on the Mall in Washington, D.C., in Disney's Magic Kingdom, in New York City and Philadelphia
• the King's Birthday in Bangkok, Thailand
• New Year's Eve in Paris, Disney World, Sydney, DC, Minneapolis and New York City
• the Statue of Liberty’s Centennial
• Breaking the Snuggie Guinness World Record in Anaheim, California

Cooked:

• Dad’s Tomato Sauce and Beef Stew
• Mom’s Stuffing
• Magnolia Bakery Cheesecake
• James Beard's "Chicken with 40 Cloves"
• in Iron Chef competitions as "Iron Chef Finnish"
• 52 new recipes a year for lots of years

Danced:

• the luau at the Old Lahaina Luau
• at the Waldorf Astoria
• the Flamenco in Madrid
• on top of the bar at Red Rocks West
• at the weddings of too many friends and family members to count
• as an extra in "Spandex, The Musical"

Dined:

• at Boudro's on San Antonio's Riverwalk

  

  A memorable meal with a perfect view in Capri, Italy

• at Emeril's in New Orleans
• Wolfgang Puck’s Chinois in Vegas
• at Ghiradelli's in San Francisco
• at Le Bec-Fin in Philly
• on Pizza at Geno's East in Chicago
• on Beignets at Café DuMonde in New Orleans
• on Cheesesteaks at Geno's, Jim's and Pat's in Philly
• on Eli's Chocolate Dipped Cheesecake on a stick at the Taste of Chicago
• in Lidia’s kitchen at Becco NYC
• on ice cream while sitting on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial (ala In the Line of Fire)
• Cabana Las Lilas in Buenos Aires, Argentina (although La Brigada was much better)
• at the South Beach Food and Wine Festival
• Mario Batali's OTTO Enoteca Pizzeria and Carnevino
• on a meal made by me at a cooking class
• on Pizza and Gelato in Italy
• Dumplings in Shanghai
• Peking Duck in Beijing
• Sichuan Hot Pot in Chengdu
• 1789 in DC



Mai Tai, Honolulu, Hawaii

Drank:

• beer at the Hofbrau House in Munich
• Frosty drinks at Sloppy Joe's in Key West
• Mai Tai's at the Princeville Resort Bar in Kauai and the Pink Palace in Honolulu (photo on right)
• Vodka at The Astoria and Katherine's Palace in St. Petersburg, Russia
• Hurricanes at Pat O'Briens in New Orleans
• my way around the World Showcase in Epcot Center
• wine in Sonoma, California; Willamette Valley, Oregon; Missouri River Valley, Missouri; Hunter Valley, Australia; Marlborough, New Zealand; Mendoza, Argentina
• High Tea at Lady Mendls Tea Salon at New York's Inn at Irving Place
• a Celebrity Cruise ship out of Champagne with friends
• Wine in the homes of two Tuscan Vinters in Italy
• The Beer Trail in Germany
• Scotch in Scotland
• Wine at a vineyard that shares my last name

Experienced:

• true friendships
• driving on the wrong side of the road in Ireland, Thailand, Australia, New Zealand, and Scotland
• delivering the farewell address at the Carle Place High School Class of 1993 Graduation
• delivering the farewell address to over 5000 attendees at the Mary Washington College Class of 1997
• a Cuban Cigar (or two)
• brownies in Amsterdam
• serving as a Capitol Hill, Gubernatorial, and White House intern (before intern became a bad word)
• serving as Class President in High School and College
• serving drinks as a bartender
• living on my own
• asking a stranger out on a date
• toilet papering school grounds
• bonfire and sleeping on the beach
• eating a meal, seeing a movie and taking an overseas vacation… solo
• dating a much older man
• making beautiful music with a violin
• marching half-naked in a gay pride parade
• the very chilly David Letterman studio for a show taping
• flying through the Costa Rican rain forest on a zip line
• riding a mechanical bull
• Zion National Park
• Bryce National Park
• Couscous cooking class in Morocco
• Curling

Hosted:

• Thanksgiving dinner for 18 26
• Royal Wedding Celebrations for William and Harry

Purchased:

• a townhome before my 25th birthday
• a brand-spanking new single family home
• a pair of earrings (or necklaces, my new passion) on every foreign trip
• an authentic Coach purse (and so started the obsession)
• a hot pretzel on Fifth Avenue
• Christmas decorations at the Christkindlmarkt in Munich
• lederhosen 
• my dream car; a purple Jeep Wrangler

Read:

• The Iliad
• Great Expectations
• The Scarlet Letter
• The Pit and the Pendulum
• A Christmas Carol
• The Little Prince
• The Catcher in the Rye
• To Kill a Mockingbird
• The Glass Menagerie
• more books on the politics of the US, England, Germany, Italy, France, The Former Soviet Union and many other countries then anyone ever should

Received:

• my High School Diploma with honors
• my Bachelors Degree in Political Science
• a few promotions
• a big raise (that should remain a to-do as well)
• an ancient Thai Massage at the Wat Po
• a lap dance
• a princess cut engagement ring from a good looking blond (along with the matching wedding band)



Mary Washington Commencement, May 1997

Rescued:

• 2 people from drowning
• 2 dogs from choking
• many lost dogs find their humans
• a stranger from a bad blind date
• people through donating blood

Disney World, 1978

Rode:

• Space Mountain at Walt Disney World, Florida
• Matterhorn in Disneyland, California
• Space Mountain at Disneyland Paris
• Tron at Shanghai Disneyland
• Coasters at Busch Gardens Tampa and Williamsburg
• Coasters at Canada's Wonderland
• Copenhagen's Tivoli Gardens
• Not Shamu Sea World Orlando
• Back to the Future at Universal Studios, Orlando
• Coasters Six Flags Great Adventure and Great America
• The killer rides at Action Park
• Sesame Place
• Chocolate at Coasters Hershey Park
• Coasters at Paramount Kings Dominion
• Little ridesat  Storytown
• The London-Eye
• San Francisco Cable Cars
• The Cyclone and Wonder Wheel at Coney Island
• a Segway through Prague

Saw a ball game at:




Yankee Stadium, September 2001

• Yankee Stadium in New York (old and new)
• Legend's Field in Tampa
• Cooper Stadium in Columbus
• Metrodome in Minneapolis
• Wrigley Field in Chicago
• Fenway Park in Boston
• Oriole Park at Camden Yards in Baltimore
• Coors Field in Denver
• Miller Park in Milwaukee
• Safeco Field in Seattle
• ATT Park in San Francisco
• Rogers Centre (aka Sky Dome) in Toronto
• Veterans Stadium in Philly (RIP)
• Shea Stadium in New York (RIP)
• Angel Stadium in Anaheim
• Target Field in Minneapolis
• PNC Park in Pittsburgh
• Chase Field in Phoenix
• CitiField in New York
• Nationals Ballpark in Washington, D.C.
• Petco Field in San Diego
• MLB All Star Home Run Derby at Target Field in Minneapolis

Saw:

• the Mona Lisa at the Louvre
• Neuschwanstein Castle
• Burg Eltz
• Nightwatch at the Rijksmuseum
• Seurat’s "A Sunday on La Grande Jatte" at Chicago’s Art Institute
• Sunflowers at the Van Gogh Museum
• the Vasa at the Vasamuseet in Stockholm
• exhibits from every Smithsonian
• the Liberty Bell in Philadelphia
• the Hoover Dam
• the grassy knoll from the Sixth Floor Museum in Dallas
• the floating apples at the Museum of Glass in Tacoma
• the Anne Frank House
• Las Mininas at the Museo del Prado in Madrid
• animals at the Bronx Zoo, San Diego Zoo and Central Park Zoo
• the Southern Cross
• Coliseum in Rome
• Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree lighting
• stars arriving on the red carpet for the Oscars in Hollywood
• Fairy Glen in the Isle of Skye
• Pandas in Chengdu, China
• the Terracotta Warriors in Xi'an, China
• the bunkers in Albania

Took in a show:

• Billy Joel, Elton John, Prince, Paul McCartney, U2, Madonna, Tina Turner, Edwin McCain, Dave Matthews, Poison, Warrant, B-52s, Sugar Ray, Mighty Mighty Bosstones, Bare Naked Ladies, Live, Semisonic, Lenny Kravitz, Melissa Ethridge, Bryan Adams, Lady Gaga, Motley Crue, Guns n Roses… in concert
• Matthew Broderick and Sarah Jessica Parker from the front row in Broadway's "How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying" (and Matthew's fly was down half the performance)
• Matthew Broderick on Broadway in "Night Must Fall" (Front row: "I was christened in the spattle of Matthew Broderick)
• Nathan Lane in "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum"
• Donny Osmond in "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat"
• "Beauty and the Beast" at the Kennedy Center
• "Shear Madness" at the Kennedy Center
• Carol Channing in Hello Dolly at the Kennedy Center
• Original Cast Rent on Broadway from the front row
• Oliver on London's West End
• Avenue Q in Minneapolis and London
• Sebastian Bach as Riff Raff in "The Rocky Horror Show" on Broadway
• Sara Bareilles and Jason Mraz in "Waitress" on Broadway
• Tony Shalhoub in "A Band's Visit"
• Cirque Du Solei's O and Zumanity
• a ballet and a show at The Sydney Opera House
• Alton Brown and Anthony Bourdain Live

Skated:

• Northshore Inline Marathon (5 times)
• Wolman Rink in Central Park



Sydney, Australia, December 2006

Stayed at the:

• Grand Hotel Intercontinental Paris
• Hotel Westbury in Dublin
• Hotel de la Reconquista in Oviedo, Spain
• Sydney Hyatt (photo on right)
• Jefferson Hotel in Richmond
• Opryland Hotel in Nashville
• Hotel DuPont in Delaware
• Grand Cypress in Orlando
• Cavalier in Virginia Beach
• Park Hyatt Los Angeles in the Penthouse Suite
• Hotel Del Coronado
• New York Marriott Marquis
• Buenos Aires Palacio Duhau
• Opreyland Hotel
• Castle Hotel Auf Schoenburg
• Desert Luxury Camp in the Sahara
• Li River Resort in China

Survived

• being rear ended at a high speed
• my car rolling into a ditch
• being hit by a 40MPH car as a pedestrian
• falling out of a moving car when I was 4 1/2
• being dropped on my head as an infant (darn cousins!)
• learning to drive on a stick shift
• a broken heart
• getting 2 puppies through potty training
• picking up and moving half way across the country
• Mary Washington's Politics of the Soviet Successor States
• a rave in Pamplona, Spain
• my 10 year High School and College reunions
• my 15 year College reunion
• my 20 year High School reunion
• my 20 year College reunion
• NYC Flying Trapeze School
• sinking a jeep on a Mexican beach
• hitchhiking in Mexico
• Costa Rica Zip Line Tour
• Zip Line over the Mississippi River
• blind dates
• Alcatraz
• being laid off
• The Tough Mudder
• Memorial Day Murph
• air pollution in China
• eating street food in Marrakesh 
• Padleboard pub crawl

Swam:

• Atlantic, Pacific and Indian Oceans
• Mediterranean and Adriatic Seas
• the University of Mary Washington fountain
• in the Caribbean on horseback
• under a waterfall
• on a deserted beach on Ko Phi Phi, Thailand

Traveled:

• in a European Sleeper Car
• in a Chinese Sleeper Car
• on the Maid of the Mist at Niagara Falls
• Kauai’s Waimea Canyon by Helicopter
• to the floor of the Grand Canyon by helicopter
• Australia’s Great Ocean Road to see the Twelve Apostles
• the Baltic on a cruise ship
• first class
• down Abbey Road barefoot
• by private car through Mendoza wine country in the Andes foothills
• through the Panama Canal
• 125 MPH on the Autobahn in the driver's seat
• Route 66 through the desert in a convertible
• On a camel through the Sahara



St. Petersburg, Russia, August 2005

Visited 40 Foreign Countries:

• Canada
• Mexico
• Spain
• France
• Luxembourg
• Germany
• England
• Australia
• Netherlands
• Thailand
• St. Lucia
• Ireland
• Denmark
• Sweden
• Finland
• Russia (photo to left)
• Estonia
• Norway
• Aruba
• Bahamas
• New Zealand
• St. Martin
• Puerto Rico
• Belgium
• Argentina
• Honduras
• Costa Rica
• Panama
• Columbia
• Cayman Islands
• Italy
• Vatican City
• Austria
• Czech Republic
• British Virgin Islands
• Croatia
• Albania
• Scotland
• China
• Morocco

Visited 34 US States (and DC):

• Alabama
• Arizona
• California
• Colorado
• Connecticut
• Delaware
• Florida
• Georgia
• Hawaii
• Illinois
• Indiana
• Iowa
• Kentucky
• Louisiana
• Maryland
• Massachusetts
• Michigan
• Minnesota
• Missouri
• Nevada
• New Jersey
• New York
• North Carolina
• Ohio
• Oregon
• Pennsylvania
• South Carolina
• Tennessee
• Texas
• Utah
• Virginia
• Washington
• West Virginia
• Wisconsin

Visited the top of the:

• Eiffel Tower
• Empire State Building
• Arc d'Triumph
• Sydney Harbour Bridge
• CN Tower in Toronto
• Sky Tower in Auckland
• Space Needle in Seattle (photo below)
• Washington Monument
• John Hancock Building in Chicago
• Statue of Liberty
• Jefferson National Expansion Monument (aka, the Gateway Arch)
• St. Paul’s Cathedral in London
• St. Peter's Church in Munich
• Chitzen Itza Pyramid
• Great Wall of China



Seattle, Washington, July 2006

Witnessed:

• the Northern Lights from an airplane
• three Space Shuttle launches (including the first)
• the Changing of the Guard at Arlington National Cemetery, Buckingham Palace and Stockholm's Royal Palace
• a Volcano Eruption
• Cal Ripken not play a ballgame on September 20, 1998, ending his consecutive games streak
• the sun rise and set over both the Atlantic and the Pacific
• friends become one of the first Gay couples in Minnesota to marry
• a total solar eclipse
• the Women's March on Washington 2017
• Prince Memorial Street Party on First Avenue in Minneapolis the night of his death

Won:

• the second grade spelling bee
• a few creative writing awards
• high school shot put and triple jump medals
• a jalapeno eating contest
• an arm wrestling competition
• wadE’s heart, said yes, and "I do"

New Year's Resolutions: Minnesota Style

Minnesota is a state rich in natural and cultural beauty, brimming with so many places to go, things to see, and people to visit that it's hard to squeeze it all in. If I had a dollar for every time I muttered "I want to see that" to a billboard or an add in the paper or magazine... and then not followed through, I'd have enough money to pay for the first thing on my ten eleven things I want to do in Minnesota in 2013:

1. Eat at La Belle Vie: It is possible that I am the only foodie in Minneapolis who hasn't been to our most acclaimed and highest rated restaurant. I will fix that this year and let you all know if it's worth the hype.
2. See China's Terracotta Warriors at the Minnesota Museum of Arts: Seriously, the Terracotta Warriors are here!!! In Minneapolis!!! Only till the end of January!!!
3. Explore the Hmong Market in St. Paul: St. Paul has the largest concentration of the East Asian Hmong group than anywhere in the world... and a place to experience the culture and food.
4. Tour a Minnesota Brewery: There are so many to choose from now, it's hard to pick one. Maybe I'll have to hit a few. And then take a field-trip to Wisconsin for a few more.
5. See an outdoor Movie or Show: Minneapolis, and many of the suburbs, have a fantastic lineup of outdoor entertainment, including the very popular showing of the Twins World Series winning games in '87 and '91.
6. Food Truck Gourmet Meal: Take an afternoon off, head downtown, and sample my way through a few of the mobile eateries.
7. Historic Minnesota Tour: Do one of the Minnesota Historical Society tours (preferable one of their historical pub crawls!)
8. Do the Zoo: I've lived in MN for over 12 years and still haven't visited the Minnesota Zoo. I love animals and need to see the Polar Bears Penguins this year.
9. Classic Date: I played the violin for 10 years and dabble on the strings from time to time and really enjoy a good concerto. Hopefully the musicians' labor dispute is resolved so I can go support the Minneapolis Orchestra.
10. Embrace Winter: Do a winter activity, outside, rather than just hibernating. Learn to snowshoe, cross-country ski, see an ice castle, attend an outdoor beer festival, just do something outside.
11. Throw it in Park: There are nearly 80 state parks in Minnesota; I've been to one. Me and my dogs or bike need to take a day trip to visit one of these local treasures.

What's your favorite Minnesota experience? I'd love to add to my list!

Top Eleven Things I Learned in 2011

• I could switch jobs and still be very good at what I do for a living.
• Avis disables the Four-Wheel drive on their Jeeps in Cozumel, Mexico.
• Champagne Sabering is just about the coolest way to open a bottle of alcohol.
• Nothing brings 60,000 people together like a good concert in the pouring rain.
• No matter how many body builders and athletes I meet the strongest person I know is my two-year-old niece.
• “Boy push-ups” aren’t just for boys.
• 175 pounds of lean muscle is smaller and sexier than 169 pounds of flab.
• A dog’s Achilles tendon is called the Superficial Digital Flexor.
• Dogs can have Orthopedic Surgeons, Physical Therapists, Acupuncturists, and durable medical equipment.
• The most beautiful words in the English language are, “it’s benign.”
• You are never too old to make new friends.

Terrorized by the TSA

The United States is land where all are created equal and all, in theory, should be subjected to the same airport searches and screenings regardless to race or religion. Many believe that racial profiling shouldn’t be used as a means to identify people for screenings or detentions. In an effort to avoid law suits and bad press the TSA agents are supposed to randomly choose individual travelers for increased security measures such as bag inspections and pat downs. As a long time frequent traveler I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt that in my experience there is nothing random about who is chosen for these increased screenings but race and religion has nothing to do with who is chosen.

The new full body screenings are just the latest in a long, nine-plus year battle I have with airport security. Beginning shortly after 9/11 I spent every Thursday afternoon receiving a full-body pat down at the Philadelphia airport, including a bra strap and wire inspection, for my weekly flight back to Minneapolis. Even at that time of heightened security and fear when it was typical to wait in over a two hour line to clear security, only a small number of people were plucked out of line for this extra special treatment. Statistically speaking, I broke the odds week after week with what we started jokingly referring too as my Thursday massage appointment.

In the past 3 weeks I was “randomly” chosen to pass through the new full body scanners 4 times out of 4 trips through security. On the fourth time, this past Sunday in Minneapolis, I finally declined. When asked why I declined I referred to reports on groups recommending pilots bypass this technology because of increased radiation and privacy concerns. The response from the TSA agent was of disgust, calling newspapers and reporters “liars who are threatening national security.” I was then escorted for a 15 minute pat down, bypassing not only the full body scan, but also the metal detector. I don’t know if this is standard operating procedure when opting out of the scan, but somehow I didn’t feel any safer knowing that a body pat-down was used INSTEAD of a metal detector, not in addition to one.

The type of attention I get from security is so frequent there is no way it can be random begging the question; am I being profiled. I am not a Muslim man, or a religious zealot, or even in any way shifty. There is nothing about me that screams “suspicious” or “security threat.” I am a tall and curvy blonde with big blue eyes and an even bigger smile who has been informed by friends and strangers alike of her above-average looks. Others have noticed the frequency of my special security “perks” so this isn’t a matter of paranoia; I am purposely being selected for additional screenings.

As the polar opposite of those who typically try to blow up planes, am I being used to offset any racial profiling being employed at checkpoints? “Look here, how can you accuse us of racial profiling? We just strip searched the Nordic girl next door!” Or do agents “randomly” select people based upon their preference to look at unclothed images of and pat-down people with some personal appeal? Or do they just want to cop a feel to settle a bet whether my chest is real or not? Whatever the reason, I am the continued victim of government approved harassment as I traverse our nation and the globe. What recourse do I have? None. If I want to see my family or keep my job I have to fly. The TSA made it very clear that if you want to fly the friendly skies you need to put up with some procedures that we normally leave to only those who are more than just friends.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want the airplane I am in blowing up in midair, but this process is not making me feel any safer. Airports worldwide use personality screenings and profiling to make more educated choices on who deserves some extra special love and attention from security personnel. Yet here we are in the USA, watching the TSA frisk four year olds. Have we let fear and stupidity blur common sense? In our effort to protect the rights of those who look like a threat we are in turn threatening the rights and security of everyone? I don't know what the right answer is, I just know it's impossible to feel protected from terrorists when watching several suspicious looking men breeze through security as I have a pair of gloved hands down the waistband of my pants.

Memorable Meals

It is estimated we spend 7 years of our life eating. For those of us who love and savor our food, that estimate is probably low. Out of the 60,000+ meals we will each consume in the average lifetime, how many do you remember? Most of us can’t remember what we ate last night let alone years ago, but even as time passes and years blur together certain meals make a lasting impression on us. These meals are often memorable not just because of the food, but the friends, stories, and experience behind the meal. Smell and taste serve as excellent reminders of a point in time, an experience, a pivotal moment in our lives. As a self-professed foodie I can recall many “food moments” because a good dinner is just as memorable as seeing a concert or Broadway show. The list below is a snapshot of my memorable meals. Some were remarkable because of the food, but most were memorable because of the senses the meal satisfied other then taste.

Ivy Cottage “Risotto of the Day” Seafood Risotto
My mother, sister Renee’, and I decided to enjoy the process of choosing a bridal shower location and visited several local restaurants for a glass of wine and a shared appetizer. This allowed us to assess the service and experience the food. We sat at the bar at the Ivy Cottage and ordered a bowl of Seafood Risotto with 3 spoons. After taking a bite we each had the same physical reaction; we placed our spoons down in utter amazement and let the flavors envelop us. While the Ivy Cottage didn’t win our shower business (too small for our group) it did win a place on this list.

Manny’s Scallop Benedict
Perfectly seared scallops, salty bacon, and creamy hollandaise sauce; what more can you ask for in an appetizer?

Cinderella’s Royal Table Beef Barley Soup
Soup is among my top comfort foods and is a staple in my diet. We frequently visited family in Florida and never missed an opportunity to see Mickey Mouse and his friends. After a long day of running from line to line we would have dinner in Cinderella’s Castle and the first course was always the thickest beef barley soup served in a pewter bowl. I hold that soup as the standard for beef barley and have yet to find another that matches its flavor.

Umberto’s Sausage Pizza
Umberto’s of New Hyde Park is one of the last pizza joints in NY who hasn’t messed around with their recipe to save a buck. The crust is perfect for folding the pizza and eating it like a New Yorker. The sauce is rich, thick, fresh, and not over sweet, and the toppings plentiful. I don’t often make it to Umberto’s because Alfredo’s of Westbury is closer and nearly as good, but I will always remember the pizza and Italian food served at our Rehearsal Kegger, er, I mean "Dinner" the night before our wedding. The food at our wedding at The Harbor Club was to die for (the Long Island Seafood Bisque was amazing, but unfortunately the only thing the bride and groom had time to consume that evening). We had plenty of time the night before our wedding to relax with our family and out of town guests and savor the tastes of a fine pizza pie.

Lamb Burgers at St. Leonard’s Vineyard Cottages
Idyllic weather, gorgeous location, amazing company, fresh and local ingredients, and perfectly paired wines transformed an evening meal at a bed and breakfast into a night I will never forget. After a long day visiting the wineries of New Zealand’s Marlborough region my husband and I decided to hit the grocery store and take advantage of the grill outside our cottage (technically the stables if you are interested in visiting these accommodations). The lamb was full of flavor and perfectly seasoned with rosemary, salt, and pepper, served atop a freshly baked bun with tzatziki. Just thinking of that meal I shared with my husband overlooking the countryside makes me smile.

Café Runtz Pork Roast with Sauerkraut
Parisians take their food very seriously; even a one star restaurant serves meals to write home about. Not that Café Runtz is a hole in the wall, but it is a very modest establishment and not mistaken as one of the city’s glitzy and glamorous restaurants. Serving specialties from the Alsatian region of France, the German influences on the food make the meal a much hardier affair then the smaller dishes in many cafes. The Pork Roast melts in your mouth and the sauerkraut is expertly prepared to complement the meal rather than overpower it. If you are visiting Paris make a point to visit this restaurant; you will not be disappointed.

The Natural Resort in Ko Phi Phi
I can’t remember what we ate, but nonetheless this was a meal I will always remember for the setting. Ko Phi Phi is a remote island off the coast of Thailand and we stayed in a little bungalow at The Natural Resort. One evening the wait staff set a private table down on the beach right on the waterline for us, complete with candles and tiki torches for mood lighting. The servers anticipated our every need and went about their business virtually unnoticed, leaving us to focus completely on the moment. Whether we had the Pad Thai or the Thai Dumplings doesn’t really matter; no meal will ever top the romance factor of that dinner on a beach in the middle of no where.

Amy’s Café Paella, Leicester Square Market, London
I don’t know if it was at Amy’s Café or if it was just a stand set up outside the café, but we entered the market and could almost taste the paella in the air. Head downstairs at the market and don’t be shy to order the large size. My husband and I could argue about the best paella ever (the now closed Café Havana in Minneapolis being his favorite) but the paella in the Leicester market is not only delicious, it will be fondly remembered as a dish enjoyed while sitting on the ground that saved me and my friends from an impending hangover disaster.

Coin de Mer Mussels Gratin
Upon entering the Coin de Mer in Brussels, Belgium we began thinking we might be suckers who walked into the first restaurant that offered us a free drink on the Rue Des Bouchers (aka Beenhouwers Straat). Our fears were quickly diminished upon the arrival of a tray of mussels under a sea of molten cheese; two of my favorite things! The rest of the meal (consisting of more mussels!!) was incredible, but nothing compared to that tray of cheesy goodness.

Amy’s Flank Steak with Tarragon Potatoes
My friend Amy has a signature dish, one that she expertly executes for her friends and family. The meal is simple but delicious, but these dishes are remarkable because they are always eaten with a glass of fine wine in a room filled with the chatter and laughter of loved ones.

Sunday Dinner at Grandma and Grandpa’s House
My Grandfather made meatballs with so much garlic and onion that even those with the most iron constitutions would suffer indigestion. Grandma usually served pasta swimming in tomato sauce with a side of ricotta cheese (cavatelli my favorite). Crusty Italian bread accompanied the meal for slopping up the sauce or making meatball sandwiches. This same meal, with some variation on the pasta course, fed my body every Sunday for the better part of my childhood. Through the years I have managed to recreate those meatballs (secret ingredients: paprika and lard) and even managed to perfect the tomato sauce (gravy to those of us with Italian roots). But alas the meal was special not just because of the food served, but because the fun we had playing games, laughing, and spending time with our family. It makes me sad to think how little people appreciate the importance of a slow, traditional meal with their family; I would not be the same person I am today without these Sunday dinners.

Dad’s Beef Stew
Loosely based off of James Beard’s Beef Bourguignon recipe, this meal was a winter staple in the Trombetta household. My sisters and I would help Dad by peeling potatoes and carrots and dumping them practically whole into the broth to simmer for hours and hours and hours. This soup that eats like a meal is best served by the crustiest loaf of bread from Cardinali Bakery in my hometown. I told my father all I wanted for a wedding gift was the recipe and I have tweaked it slightly to make it my own (change number 1: actually cutting the vegetables to bite size!).

Mom’s Thanksgiving Stuffing
American Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays and much of that is because it is the one meal a year where my Mother opts to cook rather then call for takeout. Every stop is pulled out and it is an amazing meal shared with our family complete with well over 10 different dishes. The standout dish on the table for me is the stuffing (aka dressing). Mom inherited the recipe from her mother and it is not only delicious but is responsible for a few family members being born right after the holiday (can gas build up actually blow a kid out?). There have certainly been other memorable Thanksgivings in my life. A 5 star chef in Luxembourg cooked an elaborate American Thanksgiving meal for me and my co-workers since we were away from home (and not remembering the name of this fine establishment started my habit of taking a photo of the sign of every restaurant I eat at on vacation). I once celebrated Thanksgiving in Sydney, Australia with a meal consisting of nothing but pie. Last year I hosted a gourmet Thanksgiving for 24 with my husband and Amy. However, nothing beats giving thanks with my family over a plateful of Mom’s stuffing.

Wade’s Chili
My husband’s chili is never the same twice but it is always delicious. Sometimes he uses buffalo, sometimes beef, but his absolute best batch ever was completely vegetarian. My sister visited us and wanted to taste some of this award-winning chili but didn’t eat meat. Wade took time to read every single ingredient and make a completely meat and fish free batch. The chili is award winning and disappears so quickly my Mother gifted Wade with an 18 quart slow cooker so he could make larger batches!

The Food Network ran a special on favorite foods which sparked the interest in writing on this topic (as my husband references in his “The Best Thing I Ever Ate” article). To me favorite food and favorite meal are two totally different things. My favorite food is subject to a different set of criteria than my favorite meal. A favorite food is something that one never tires of, can be eaten every day, and is always satisfying. If someone asks the question “If you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be” the answer would probably not be some random food item from a meal on some vacation but something both satisfying and familiar. My favorite meals above range from simple to somewhat elaborate, but my favorite food is something so basic almost every American child (barring an allergy) has subsisted on it at one time or another; the peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Organic, natural, smooth peanut butter. Strawberry or blueberry preserves. Whole wheat bread. Delicious!

ROL

Money and I have a decent but fleeting relationship; we have fun together but often part ways very quickly. I am incredibly responsible in many aspects of my life with a thriving career, well-cared-for dogs, strong personal relationships, (somewhat) good eating habits, and a healthy exercise schedule. However, when it comes to managing money I am a complete moron. I am sure if I really put my mind to it I would be half decent in the realm of saving and investing but the whole process is rather boring and time consuming. For years I felt guilty about my poor saving habits, made excuses about how little I contributed to my retirement plans, and had various financial advisors frown at my monetary choices. But, after looking at my recent statements I no longer feel guilty; I feel vindicated!

The lack of enthusiasm for all things financial actually makes my plummeting profile easier to handle. Math is not my forte but upon a quick examination I have lost just about 20 cents of every dollar I’ve put away since 2000. Essentially if I would have just shoved that money under a mattress rather than be responsible and put it into my 401K, mutual funds, IRA, and stocks I would have 20% more than I have right now. Finally my monetary irresponsibility worked in my favor! Had I listened to the “experts” and been more “responsible” with money through the years my investment losses would be even more devastating. One could argue that all the money I spent rather than saved is also a financial loss but I disagree. I opted to invest in other things through the years. Although the ROI on these “investments” cannot be calculated by an accountant the ROL, Return on Life, cannot be disputed.

Many of my friends and co-workers followed a savings strategy that they believed would allow them to retire early so they could enjoy life. Taking the “responsible” route meant working like dogs, squirreling away every dime they earned so they could retire while they were “still young enough to enjoy life” and do things. Even before the economic downturn this logic didn’t work for me; we don’t get any younger and life should be enjoyed now. Dreams of retiring by 45 required sacrificing the here and now for the possibility of enjoying life later. People forget that later on might not come, that every day of life should include some level of enjoyment, and that we are young once and should take advantage of that youth. People are now realizing just how possible it is to work hard and have nothing to show for it when investments sour. I am glad I have more to show for years of labor than my now worthless 401K; a healthy ROL.

Perhaps ROI is easier to quantify than ROL because the calculation for ROL is different from person to person. Most people, although adept in understanding the return they get on their monetary investments, don’t understand or appreciate that the money they spend can have a good, or bad, ROL. People often spend money on stupid things that do not yield good ROL while bypassing those things that do. I am just as guilty of making worthless purchases that yield little to no benefit while bypassing those things that bring me measurable joy.

Through the years I realized I have a great affinity for shiny things, fine wine, good meals (and the kitchen items that make those meals happen), leather purses, camera equipment, fuzzy puppies, books, and quality bath and beauty products. I love to spoil dogs, family, and friends to make them smile. Cheap, processed food will never again pass my lips. Group fitness is worth every penny beyond cheap gym memberships. The world is a vast and beautiful and there is nothing I enjoy more then traveling to exotic destinations and staying in the most posh hotels. My house might be worth less then what it was purchased for nearly 4 years ago but it is still the home to many of the most amazing and happy memories I share with friends and family.

Many people might find my “investments” wasteful, not sharing the same ROL I get from seeing the world, entertaining friends, wearing nice jewelry, buying organic for my family and animals, eating, drinking, looking nice, and making memories. Conversely I have trouble understanding the ROL others get from spending their money on things like cars, electronic gadgets, nick-knacks, and raising children. ROL requires figuring out what makes you happy and focusing your disposable income on those things. If you can afford to buy a new car every year, understand it yields negative ROI but makes you very happy then it is a wise investment in your ROL.

Do I wish my retirement savings were at their pre-economic slump levels? Absolutely! But I am incredibly appreciative that I have more to show for the past 12 years of employment besides a depleted retirement account.

Gossip Girl

In our household we pride ourselves as intellectuals bordering on full-out geekdom. Our bookshelves are filled with well thumbed novels from a variety of genres; everything from history to mystery providing hours of entertainment and mind expansion. The ginormous television in our living room is primarily tuned into the History Channel and the Discovery Network. Playing Trivial Pursuit is a favorite evening pastime and it drives us both crazy that our Scrabble skills are not superior to many of our friends who beat US Weekly. The Best Week Ever would certainly include hours of reading, a trip to a museum, an American History marathon on TV, and a trip to our favorite watering hole to play NTN trivia. Our focus on gaining knowledge and desire to learn as much as we can about the world around us are traits we share with many of our friends who are truly Extra-ordinary; incredibly well-read, well-traveled, and educated. Sharing our lives with such intelligent People is inspirational, and drives my personal desire to continue growing intellectually and emotionally. Relationships with some of the best minds around do come with a certain set of challenges; fear of inadequacy, humbling conversations, and moments of topic confusion. My ego learned to deal with not being the smartest or most knowledgeable person in the room, but the confession I am about to make has me questioning whether I am as smart as my friends, or just a source of their Entertainment Tonight.

My ambivalence to the output of Hollywood is not a secret to those who know and love me. During the course of a year I might make it to the movies once or twice. Most nights of the week the television is off or tuned to programs geared towards both entertainment and personal enrichment; Good Eats, Modern Marvels, and Mythbusters fill our DVR queue. Turning my back on conventional entertainment like Blockbuster movies and sitcoms makes confessing to my love of trashy entertainment shows and publications much more embarrassing to admit. Stopping short of actually subscribing to the trashy and expensive tabloids that make paparazzi rich, I limit reading gossip to online sources and doctors’ offices. The only time I actually spend money to learn what Hollywood’s heartthrobs are up to is if I need a mindless read on an airplane. Even then I am known to hide the People magazine inside the cover of the in-flight magazine so those around don’t judge me by the crap I’m reading. There, I said it. I admitted it. I love celebrity gossip, but why does someone who couldn’t care less about entertainment have any interest in the entertainers?

My understanding of high fashion is so out of step with trends that my clothing purchases focus on the classics; those people who never seem let me down: Calvin Klein, Ralph Lauren, and Ann Taylor. Even sticking to a few select designers, with more loyalty then a Labrador Retriever I expertly study the clothing of models and actresses as if I’m suddenly going to inherit millions of dollars and switch my wardrobe to Dolce & Gabbana. The Oscar pre-show on E! is celebrated like a national holiday even though I rarely see even one movie nominated for the Academy Awards. As I screech with laughter at each fashion victim, there are no fewer then a dozen phone calls to my mother to discuss what they are wearing, not who is winning. I love a good fashion disaster!

While the breakout of baby rabies, loosely translated as an obsession with having or raising babies, in Hollywood is nothing short of obnoxious, there is something inherently satisfying about watching female celebrities get fat. The only thing more satisfying then watching these size zeros blossom into women with curves is when they discover motherhood is not all Prada, Prams, and Playdates. Does anyone feel sorry for a moment that Angelina is overwhelmed with her 6 children? Even with nurseries filled to the brim with eco-friendly baby bottles, 1000 thread count crib bedding, and an expert staff of nannies and personal trainers we read of celebrity struggles with sleep, weight, child behavior, wandering husbands, and varicose veins. Look how well Brittany handled motherhood. Even more pleasurable than reading about starlets realizing motherhood is a hard job is reading about the beauty, happiness, and success of professed childfree actors and actresses like George Clooney, Dame Judi Dench, Kim Cattrall, Rachael Ray, Bill Maher, Kathy Griffin, and Oprah Winfrey. These stars stand by their childfree convictions despite the negative impact it could have with the media and its obsession with baby bumps. Bravo!

Perhaps my love of all things gossip is just a bit of Schadenfreude, the German term made famous in the Broadway musical Avenue Q (see, I am cultured, I go to musicals!) . Schadenfreude is translated as happiness at the misfortune of others. These stars who seemingly have it all with their looks, money, and fame have their own set of issues too; adultery, depression, divorce, health woes, break-ups, and breakdowns. I cannot be the only geek in the world that gleans a little pleasure from the fact that even the most beautiful people in the world lead less than perfect lives. For a reminder that we’re all a little bit dysfunctional, nothing beats a good celebrity train wreck.

I might not know why half the people in celebrity news these days are even famous, but that doesn’t diminish the way I devour this trash. A ravenous appetite for celebrity news and gossip might not be the most intelligent material to ingest, but ultimately it’s probably OK! to have this mindless diversion to my everyday stresses.

Land of the Free?

During a recent trip to Europe I couldn’t help but notice the number of people engaging in life threatening activities. No matter where we went people were taking their lives in their own hands, risking their safety and well-being with no one protecting them from the perils they faced. How could the government and law enforcement just sit back and watch these people commit unspeakable acts like riding a bicycle without a helmet or, *gasp*, drink beer with alcohol content higher than 6%? The opportunity to live on the edge is so incredible overseas there is no need to do crazy things like sky dive or bungee jump. Who needs extreme sports when you can risk life and limb eating at a restaurant that doesn’t use latex gloves? If I wanted to drop a hairdryer into the bathtub there was no warning against that. Not one of the many coffees consumed advised me of the possibility of scalding. Essentially my ten days in London, Amsterdam, Brussels, and Bruges served as a reminder of the everyday freedoms that we in the United States somehow lost through the years.

Laws in the United States often focus on protecting us from ourselves, assuming that people are too stupid to make sound decisions on their own. Rather than provide some education on the dangers of an activity or expect the populous to have an ounce of common sense, our lawmakers and courts have formed a land where we can’t get a good, scalding hot cup of coffee, run barefoot through a park, or get a juicy, rare hamburger. Common Sense dictates that coffee might burn your mouth, broken glass could be stepped on while running barefoot, and eating undercooked meat could cause illness. People should be permitted to make their own decisions on such trivial matters based upon the amount of personal risk they are willing to take on. Will there be people who make bad decisions, take on more risk, and end up hurt or dead? Yes. But maybe letting Darwinism do its job and weeding out some of the idiots among us isn’t a bad thing.

We know that bike helmets can prevent brain injury but sometimes you just want to feel the wind rushing through your hair during a good bike ride. Shouldn’t this be a personal decision? Shouldn’t parents determine whether their children should wear a bicycle helmet, sit in a car booster seat until the age of 10, or have railings on the edge of their beds? Yes, each of these safety measures has proven benefits but what if a parent can’t afford these items? They should be able to make the decision about the amount of risk they are willing for their child to take. In Amsterdam, where the bicycle is the preferred method of transportation, I witnessed several women biking through the city with more than one child accompanying them on the ride. These children were not wearing helmets in fancy trailers behind the bicycles equipped with mechanisms to disconnect the trailer from the bicycle in case of a fall. Nope, these women were riding with one or two children in little wooden contraptions built on the front of their bikes, another metal seat attached to the handlebar, and an infant strapped to their chests in a carrier. The kids were having the times of their lives, the mother was getting a heck of a workout, and they were avoiding car transportation for their simple need to get from here to there. Think about it, these women would be arrested for neglect in the United States and have their children taken from them. Is that freedom?

Even without official laws, today’s companies and small businesses protect themselves from frivolous lawsuits. One of my favorite things in the world is a hamburger mooing right back at me and most places won’t serve it for the fear of giving me food poisoning. If I’m willing to take the risk, give me the damn cheeseburger! This is the same for my love of coffee, extra hot. The coffee in Europe is to die for and one major reason is the nuclear thermal temperature; the coffees were piping hot and delicious since baristas were not protecting themselves from stupid lawsuits. There are even restaurants that refuse to serve over easy or sunny side up eggs because they might get you sick. Leaving my house might make me sick too, should I live in a bubble instead of living life?

What makes these dumb laws protecting us from ourselves so infuriating is how little attention is given to real dangers that each of us are unable to control. Our right to bear arms makes the topic of limiting access to guns a hot topic of debate. If laws provide any indication as to what our government sees as our biggest threats, fireworks are banned in more places then firearms. It is easier to go out and buy a gun than it is to get un-pasteurized milk, grain alcohol, a hot cup of coffee, or a freaking rare cheeseburger. Guns have certainly been the cause of death for more people then raw milk, but I could get a gun at the local sporting goods store but cannot transport raw milk cheese into the country or across state lines. About 300 people got sick from raw milk cheese in 2001 yet it is somehow treated as a bigger health threat against our health than a revolver or rifle. We can make the decision whether we want to ingest these banned food/drink products, but for most people murdered or killed in accidents the decision to have a gun draw on them was not theirs to make.

What is the essence of America? Finding and maintaining that perfect, delicate
balance between freedom "to" and freedom "from."
- Marilyn vos Savant, in Parade

Don’t get me wrong, I do love the United States and the life that I have. What I don’t enjoy is being babysat by the government and lawyers who spend more time protecting us from unimportant things and less time focusing on the real dangers facing each of us everyday. Attempts to save us from germs, disease, and accidents are keeping us from enjoying some of the finer pleasures in life and freedoms while Europeans eat, drink, and are merry. Lawmakers should focus on crime, global threats, economic stability, and ensuring our water supply is safe and air is clean enough to breathe and stop limiting personal, enjoyable freedoms.

Dolby Stereotype

As hard as I try to be open-minded and practice a certain degree of political correctness, there are certain thoughts that routinely go through my head that make me think I have a very long way to go in my path to worldly and cultural tolerance. My issue is that many stereotypes applied to particular races, religions, cultures, or social classes are perpetuated by the very people within the group. My judgments and thoughts are not aimed at particular group, but at any single person engaging in a practice or behavior that I find unacceptable and would question regardless of background. It is important, and legally wise, to practice equality in the workplace. I am passionate about workplace equality, myself a victim of “old boys club” sexism, which makes admitting my own form of bias all that more difficult. The cause of my prejudice might seem catty, but I am not alone in assessing people based upon a decision they make in their closets each morning.

It might seem unfair or old-fashioned to judge people by their fashion choices but “Dress for Success” is not just a kitschy little phrase but a ground rule for being taken seriously in work and in life. Outward appearance is our cover letter to the world and if people are uninterested or offended by the cover letter they will never read the attached resume; the personality, intelligence, and experience that lies below the surface. “Never judge a book by its cover” is a nice lesson we’re each taught by our parents, but in reality everyone and everything is critiqued in one way or another at how it is presented. If the cover of a book was unimportant publishing companies would not focus time and energy on determining the best colors, fonts, photos, and illustrations needed to sell more copies.

Costume design is as important to a movie as a powerful actor or a well written script. Moviegoers can instantly assess the historic time period of a film, the location and season of the scene, and the age, social class, profession and personality of a character simply through the attire. Producers, Directors, and Costume Designers put intense thought into every aspect of a person’s costume; costume design is a powerful tool in selling the believability of a character and the film. Wall Street Tycoons don’t wear jeans and tee-shirts in the movies.

Style is important to the image we each want to portray to the world and fashion choices should reflect the character you want to be in the world. Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis is a prime example of a person who communicated her personality, grace, strength, and charm through her choice of clothing. Without the use of provocative clothing Madonna might be recording memos in an office rather than platinum records. If you are trying to be successful in the adult entertainment industry then it is perfectly acceptable to dress for work in plunging necklines and daisy dukes.

Climbing the corporate ladder in a mini-skirt might work for Ally McBeal, but anyone who has climbed a ladder in inappropriate attire knows the risk of exposing too much. If a woman known for push up bras and stiletto heels somehow moves up in a company, most people are going think it is because she’s going down on the boss, no matter how smart or driven she is. In my career I have seen too many intelligent women “over sex” themselves at the office and guess what; no one thinks they are very intelligent.
Style in the workplace is not just for women. There are plenty of men who think black Chuck Taylors are the perfect dress shoe and ironing is optional. It is hard to take a man seriously when he looks like a childish, sloppy mess.

Clothing is one way we each assess a person outside the workplace as well. Many argue that you shouldn’t judge a person by their attire, but without judging outward appearances how would we each know who is okay to approach in a bar, or to ask directions. People make snap judgments to establish safety, comfort, and security. If you don’t want people thinking you are a thief and a murderer you should consider not dressing like a thug. If people treat you in a way you don’t like, analyze the message you are sending them.

It is hard not to judge people on their appearance, but especially hard not to judge a person by their clothing since that is something we can each control. You don’t need to be a fashion icon, lord knows I’m not. Nor am supporting the mindset that women “asked to be raped” due to their fashion choices. What I am saying is people make their initial judgments on the personality, intelligence, strength and character of a person by how they appear. This might not be right, but it is reality; you never get a second chance to make a first impression. We are each actors in our own life screenplay, making decisions everyday to further develop our script. Ensuring costumes match the script is an important step to have your story taken seriously.

Balloon Legislation a Big Bust

Happy Birthday, Get Well Soon, Congratulations, Over the Hill, Farewell, Happy New Year, and I Love You; all simple well wishes. But like the band Extreme says, sometimes we want, we need, more than words. We each need to see how much we are loved and appreciated; and nothing transforms simple words into displays of affection quite like a shiny Mylar balloons. Whether they float high above an office cube alerting coworkers of an important birthday or as the exclamation point declaring the purpose of an otherwise mundane bouquet of flowers, a single Mylar balloon can send a deeper and longer lasting message than other methods of occasion communication. A law proposed in California aimed at banning the use of Mylar balloons might help the environment, but how much would we lose in exchange for Mylar-free landfills?

California is often the frontrunner in environmental laws, so a law here would soon trickle and affect the rest of the country. First California will lead the charge banning Mylar balloons for electrical safety (if someone electrocutes themselves with a foil balloon we should thank Darwin)and environmental concerns, then legislation will certainly balloon out of control (pardon the pun), leading to a ban on all balloons. What a travesty! Balloons are as American as baseball and apple pie. Banning balloons is like banning turkey at Thanksgiving. Can you imagine birthday party, a circus, a trip to Disneyland without balloons? The landscape of Main Street USA just wouldn’t be the same without bursts of color flying high above a “cast member” defying the laws of physics, somehow remaining grounded despite a fist full of helium filled Mickey Mouse ear balloons. Latex balloons are already banned in most hospitals nationwide, ban Mylar and fewer people will gain the therapeutic benefits associated with a get well soon message.

It is estimated that the sale of foil balloons generate $100 million in sales each year in California alone. Add the add-ons that come with Mylar balloons; flowers, cookies, pretty little weights, and suddenly foil balloons generate $900 million in California sales. Opponents to the balloon legislation argue that the banning these balloons will cost jobs and tax revenue for the state. Ban balloons and the balloon guy at Disneyland will lose his job; someone has to protect the balloon guy’s career!

Balloons help us learn valuable life lessons from a very early age. We begin to understand disappointment when the balloon we begged our parents for floats away due to our own carelessness. We learn the importance of holding on to something tight when it is important to us; never let go of the things we love. We combat stage fright and fear of public speaking by sucking in helium and singing “Lollipop Guild” from The Wizard of Oz in front of all our friends. Tying the ribbon with a square knot around our wrists is the first step in earning scout badges, an early lesson of how to tie stuff to the top of our cars, and if we are lucky, priceless in the bedroom.

I am happy to report that foil balloon supporters and opponents reached a compromise in their fight, but it is important to remain vigilant in protecting our fundamental right to say it with helium. People who oppose the sale of helium balloons are not environmentalists; they are communists who threaten the very fabric of our culture. Save the balloons.

Celebrate the Road Taken

You’ll regret it someday. This sentence is one everyone hears at least a few times in their lives, often muttered by friends or family after life changing decisions like getting a tattoo, dropping out of school, or joining the circus. The childfree hear “you’ll regret it someday” from friends, family and perfect strangers who believe the decision to remain childfree will lead to a bleak future of sadness and regret. Rarely do people point out to a parent-to-be their possibility of future regret yet the decision to have children is filled with more struggle and sacrifice then remaining childfree.

For many parents the thought of regretting their children is a completely foreign concept, but some parents express quiet frustration of their irreversible decision. Parental dissatisfaction must be quietly expressed; it is less acceptable for a parent to show anything but infatuation with their children than it is to be childfree. Anonymously, parents acknowledge their trials and tribulations on True Mom Confessions and True Dad Confessions. People post about their loss of freedom, lack of time to themselves, decline of sex, and deterioration of their marriages. Parents express breeder’s remorse on being unable to complete more education, travel the world, learn a foreign language, or enjoy an evening out. These sites serve as excellent reminders that regret is not reserved for the childfree.

Regret comes from decisions you can’t take back: that tattoo of an ex’s name, a one night stand, the nose job, or mutually exclusive decisions (e.g. I couldn’t backpack Europe after college and afford an apartment with friends in DC, go to Georgetown and Mary Washington for my undergrad, continue my career in consulting and have dinner every night with my husband). Bypassing a European backpacking adventure after college was a tough decision, but lead to a career path that brought financial security, the opportunity to travel extensively, the dream of living in the DC area, and the chance meet my husband. Attending a large university might have brought a broader business network and potentially greater riches, but my decision to attend a small, liberal arts college offered me a wealth of experiences and opportunities that no large school could ever provide. Every choice requires a sacrifice; if you get hung up on what you missed out while pursing something else, life will be filled with nothing but regret.

“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.”
- Alexander Graham Bell

Life is filled with tough choices, we all give up something in pursuit of something else and the choice to have or not to have children is just another in a long list of life decisions. Admitting to the potential of regretting the choice to forgo motherhood is blasphemous in the childfree community and could open up a can of worms with my hopeful family, but let me make this clear; potential for regret is no reason to bring a child onto this planet. Sure I could regret not having kids, but chances are I would regret giving up everything a good parent sacrifices when children come into the picture. When presented with a fork in the road we can take one road and obsess where the other road went or make a directional decision and keep moving forward, never looking behind. Either we regret the road we didn’t choose or celebrate the path we did; we cannot “have it all” due to a lack of time, resources, and competing priorities. Rather than dwell on what life doesn’t have shouldn’t we each focus on everything it does have? While I will never have children, I have plenty of time to pursue hobbies, advance my career, travel the world, enjoy a full night of sleep, and retire early. Who could regret all that?

Sunday Bumday

A pot of coffee brews in the kitchen, the sweet smell of onions and peppers waft through the air as breakfast potatoes sizzle to a golden brown. Allison Young of NPR’s “Classical Music” presents a condensed biography on the composer Handel and before long the room is filled with a relaxing concerto. Lazy Sunday mornings are one of my simplest but greatest pleasures in life. As a naturally early riser, Sunday mornings provide a rare time of peace and serenity in our over-populated and stressful world; this time as one of my most treasured assets.

At 6:30 in the morning the outside the world is calm and still. A few finches and a cardinal the only sign of life, and most of my neighbors are still sound asleep; even the church goers still hours away from their ritual services. Luna and Solei, my energetic Schnoodles, seem to enjoy our quiet morning together as they nap nearby, rising only to look out the window when the sound of a woodland creature or the wind interrupts their slumber. Most mornings the dogs are hyper and anxious, ready to explore the outside world. On Sundays their animal instincts somehow know if they allow me to write and enjoy a cup of coffee in silence their morning walk through the neighborhood will be especially long.

As a type-A personality normally focused on an ever growing to-do list, the sheer pleasure I get from quiet Sundays might be surprise those who view me as being wound up tighter than a top. In the past I too would view such a weekly ritual as lazy; a waste of precious time. I am not a lazy person, I am a person who just enjoys, craves and requires some quiet moments. Somehow through the years I have come to embrace the importance of quiet me-time; perhaps a sign that with age does come a shred of wisdom. Time really is our most precious commodity and we are each granted the same 1440 minutes every day; how we use those 1440 minutes are what makes us each different.

Those with young children might find the concept of lazy Sunday mornings foreign. My enjoyment of me time is one of the major reasons I have chosen a childfree life. Just the thought of beautiful silence being disrupted by the need of other human can trigger feelings of anxiety. My whole day ahead of me is full of endless possibilities of my choosing. With the decision to have children comes the ultimate sacrifice of time, and it perplexes me how many choose to devote all their time to others, no longer able to enjoy time for relaxation or reflection on their thoughts and feelings.

Many people use Sunday morning minutes on less noble things then families. Some utilize the time to prepare for the upcoming work week, checking emails and voicemails, even sending emails to key people as if proving their level of commitment through a non-work day communication. They don’t have to give those minutes to their jobs but they still do; either not understanding or caring how precious that time is for themselves or the people they love. How we spend our time is forever etched in history and we cannot go back and take back all the minutes we gave to someone else.

“You don’t have kids so what do you do when you are not working?” There is a perception that the time of the childfree can be endlessly devoted to career, like tending to children is the only valid reason not to be working. There are plenty of noble callings and hobbies beyond work and children that people do in their spare time; volunteer work, music, art, and gardening just to name a few. The real challenge is accepting that it is okay if time is just spent being and living without an end goal or purpose and overcome any guilt associated with doing nothing. Somewhere along the line lazy became a new deadly sin and it recently hit me that this shift is reflected in the ultimate gauge of human behavior; commercials. Commercials no longer show people sitting on porches, under a tree, or in their yard doing nothing. Even Country Time Lemonade changed their advertising strategy, the gentle rock of a porch swing replaced by exercise in the lake. If the lazy lemonade of summer cannot relax how can the rest of us?

Because we live in a society that rewards people for handing their lives over to their careers or children, the love of quiet me-time has some negative consequences. Colleagues slowly move ahead a rung or two on the corporate ladder because they are willing to sacrifice their time and give it to “the man.” They too are awake now in the wee hours of Sunday, sending emails, constructing PowerPoint documents, and preparing for early Monday meetings. They, and unfortunately many executives, see this as the ultimate dedication to the company and their careers, and in years past I would agree with those thoughts. Each Monday morning I read a slew of emails sent the previous day, wondering what was so important that it could not wait 24 hours. Spending Sunday working from home is not dedicated, it is sad and pathetic; sad people feel like they have to spend all their time working and pathetic that they have nothing more important to do then work. Corner office be damned, there are some things in life not worth sacrificing for so called success.

Ironically, those of us who have lives outside of work and learn to find a balance are more efficient and effective then those whose time scale tips completely towards their careers. Quiet time allows us to relax and recharge, to expand and broaden our minds, to spend time making ourselves happier and healthier which makes us better people inside and outside the office. Personal time actually extends our longevity. All work and no play might be a good short-term solution to move up the corporate ladder, but when a stress induced heart attack cuts a life short that actually nets out to less time given to work. We might all get the same 1440 minutes in every day, but we’re not all given the same lifetime allotment of those minutes. Life is a marathon, not a sprint, and we each need to find something to keep us in the race. The smell the Sunday coffee, classical music, a good book, warm puppies, and hours spent with myself are now necessities making it to and living well past retirement. The only thing better than a lazy Sunday morning is a lazy, sunny, warm Sunday morning and today there is a hammock with my name on it.