It's Not Easy Eating Green

People on average weigh more today then they did in decades past. Experts blame everything from larger portion sizes to more sedentary lifestyles; valid reasons for the waistline explosion. As any person who has ever tried to “do the right thing” with eating and exercise can to attest to, sometimes efforts just don’t work. Whether the weight just doesn’t come off or cravings and emotions sabotage any ability to drop poundage, our best efforts are often thwarted. Even after working with a dietician, I ended the day hungry, craving sweets and junk with such rabid intensity it was wise for friends and family to stay out of the way or they could lose an appendage. As part of my effort to live a healthier life, I began focusing more on what was going into my body and the result it had on my mood, feeling, and waistline. Aspartame is a known enemy and eliminating it from my body yielded incredible results. Could other man made substances be the cause of an appetite that far outweighs my caloric need?

“French Women Don’t Get Fat,” “You on a Diet,” “Animal, Vegetable, Miracle,” and “In Defense of Food,” are just a few books that inspired me to stop dieting and just eat healthier. Each chapter of these books led to a greater understanding of human physiological, psychological, physical, emotional and cultural eating habits, and issues in our food supply chain. If I were to sum up each of these books with a theme they would be:

• French Women Don’t Get Fat: Enjoy the passion of good food (and wine!) with all your senses.
• Animal, Vegetable, Miracle: Think Globally, Eat Locally.
• In Defense of Food: Better living through nature, not chemistry.
• You on a Diet: If you filled your car with crap and drove it everywhere in first gear it would break down and so do you.

Creating a “diet” based upon the principles of a healthy, natural, organic lifestyle led to the “Lean, Mean, Green Eating Machine” eating plan (maybe I should trademark this). The Green Eating Machine does not consist of eating twigs and berries or moving to Colorado with the rest of the granola-heads (disclaimer: I love granola and the people who eat it). It is possible to get tasty, amazing, flavorful, and enjoyable meals that are rich in vitamins, nutrients, and antioxidants. The overall guidelines for the Lean, Mean, Green Eating Machine diet are:

• Focus organic eating on “the dirty dozen:” Eating everything organic is almost impossible due to availability issues and cost. Several publications have listed 12 types of foods most affected by pesticides and poor farming practices so consumers can make smarter organic decisions. Essentially the list is meat, thin skinned fruits and vegetables, and coffee. Honestly, if you haven’t eaten an organic heirloom tomato or free-range organic chicken you haven’t lived.
• Buy Locally: Food transported over thousands of miles is engineered to survive the trip. The genetic engineering and travel compromise the taste and quality of the food. Buying locally also supports farmers in your region, bringing more dollars to the people who actually do the farming rather than multi-national food companies. This also cuts down on the use of fossil fuels in food transportation, saving gas for our own cars.
• Reading is Fundamental: Only consume ingredients that are pronounceable and made by nature, not a scientist. For the most part this means reading labels for unnatural and unpronounceable components. These fake foods and ingredients are stealing people of what their bodies need to thrive. Large corporations make money on feeding us crap they can manufacture and getting us to eat and buy more; our health and wellness is not a factor in their bottom line.
• Eliminate High Fructose Corn Syrup (HFCS): We have to import sugar in the United States but can manufacture plenty HFCS with our corn supplies in the US, making it a cheap option for American food manufacturers. This chemical “food” is used as a sugar replacement for a large percentage of foods and beverages in the United States but is left out of foods in overseas markets. Perhaps that is how the French (and everyone else) stay so thin despite a diet rich in cheese, cream and animal fat. Many researchers claim that HFCS prohibits brain receptors from receiving the message that you are full, leading to overeating. There is a great debate whether HFCS leads to obesity with some studies reporting it does and others refuting it. All I know is rise of obesity rates happen to mirror the rise of HFCS use in our food supply. Coincidence? I think not.
• Fresh is best: Pre-packaged and pre-prepared foods are loaded with ingredients and calories none of our bodies wants nor needs. Start off with real, fresh ingredients and food will taste better and be better for you. When shopping, stick to the farmer's market or the outer aisles of the grocery store to keep it real and fresh.
• Keep it Real: The diet industry and food manufacturers are trying to get us to eat substitutes for the foods we really want, leading us to keep eating (and spending) more until we actually “break down” and eat what we want in the first place. Stop using substitutes that are unsatisfying and taste awful. A little real ice cream, butter, chocolate, beer, and cheese is more satisfying then tasteless cardboard.
• Cut Down on Bottles: Environmentally friendly and a way to consume fewer calories in the alcohol format. We are either the best recyclers on our block or we produce the most beer and wine bottles for our blue bin, and my guess is we might produce a bottle or two more then our neighbors. Either way my goal was to have more AFD’s (Alcohol Free Days) than AD’s to cut down on the bottles and the empty calories. With fewer then 3 AD’s a week it takes a lot less to get the job done, also saving calories.
• Use less gas: Walking, biking, and skating to get to the store are great ways to reduce carbon emissions and use of fossil fuels. Added bonus, burning more calories!

There are some downsides to eating green; if there weren’t, everyone would be doing it.

• Expensive: The short term expense of switching to organic or locally grown and produced food is apparent with each item costing a little more then foods from industrial farms. I could go into length on how industrial farming causes long term damage, actually costs society more, etc. etc. None of those things would have convinced me to pay more for a tomato, but then I thought about it in different terms. We have no problem spending more money on electronics, games, health and beauty products, clothes, and other material consumer items. It is a shame that Whole Foods is on a mission to demonstrate their competive prices. Food actually goes into our body, affects our chemistry, influences our mood, impacts our overall heath, and contributes to our longevity. Is this not worth a little bit extra money? Long term you actually save money going more organic with fewer illnesses driving costs of doctors and medicines. It takes a little bit to notice, but green eating is so much more nutritious that you actually end up eating less quantity, therefore saving money.
• Seasonal: Embracing the true meaning of eating green, and experiencing the intense flavors lacking in imported fruits and vegetables, means understanding the seasonality of produce and when certain foods are available. This is a difficult proposition for Americans who are used to getting and eating anything they want, whenever they want. There are certain things I love that I can never get locally, like pineapples, and I try my best to make sure those items are at least from the United States. Since King Crab has yet to be harvested from the Lake Superior it remains an exception to my new local rule; hey, someone has to support the Deadliest Catch guys! Asparagus is available year round, but is really only at its peak for a short period in early spring. Enjoy foods while they are in season; the flavors are more intense and worth the wait.
• Time Consuming: It takes more time to cook healthy meals then popping a Lean Cuisine or Stouffer’s meal in the oven or microwave. People have gotten so busy in their lives that the “joy of cooking” and eating has shifted to the bottom of people’s priority list. Good food takes time, and meals should be enjoyed and savored at a table, not in a car or hovered over a sink. People who think they don’t have enough time to cook or enjoy a good meal at least once a day should consider reprioritizing their calendars. Some of my most cherished memories in life are family meals, a dying ritual for many families. Cut out some of the television time and make a healthy meal to share with family or friends instead.
• Palate retraining: We have all heard people talk about certain foods or drinks as “acquired tastes.” Our bodies adapt to new flavors and textures and learn to like or dislike foods. Many fast foods and pre-packaged and processed meals contain man made compounds that actually make things taste better then they actually are, and trigger the craving mechanism in our brains. People who stop eating something like McDonald’s for a long period of time often report it tasting different or bad then they remember from the past; the palate and brain untrained the desire for fast food. Introducing healthier foods often takes a little bit to get used to. For me, the big challenge was natural peanut butter, which is not nearly as sugary sweet as brands most of us grew up on. After a few weeks (I eat a lot of peanut butter sandwiches!) my body started to appreciate the simplicity of peanut butter that contained nothing but peanuts. I ran out of real peanut butter and made a sandwich with the sugary stuff and had to throw the sandwich out. After a few months of eating the natural version the ingredient heavy manufactured stuff tasted awful. This same palate training is the basis of so many children’s cook books, like The Sneaky Chef, that call for hiding the healthy stuff into food. Not only do you slip extra nutrients into meals, but eventually this helps train the palate of the eater to be more accepting of vegetables.
• Limitations: Start reading labels and you quickly learn how many things on our store shelves contain unpronounceable ingredients and high fructose corn syrup. The quest to eliminate man made chemicals from your diet is challenging and it takes some time at first to learn what foods are okay. Certain foods that you expect to be “healthy” are actually packed unnatural and sometimes harmful ingredients. Some discoveries are actually heartbreaking; Special K, Triscuits, bread crumbs. Forget about a microwave meal! One of the happiest moments in food shopping history was seeing the words “Now Made Without High Fructose Corn Syrup” on a package of Thomas’ English muffins.

It may not be easy eating green, but it sure makes a difference in body and mind. During the first 6 months of this green eating journey I have noticed so many changes. The most obvious; my weight, 21 pounds lost without really “dieting;” I pretty much ate what I wanted; so long as it wasn’t crap. My sugar cravings, a huge part of my struggles with calories, disappeared. My hair grew stronger and shinier. My skin cleared up; issues with cyst-like acne on my chin no longer a problem. If all this was not enough to convince myself and those around me how much better eating fresh and local was for my body, how I feel right now might. Family and career stress of the past six weeks sent me right back to some old habits; eating store processed foods, not reading labels, imbibing in adult beverages way too often. This brief jump off the healthy wagon and onto the chuck wagon served as a reminder that eating green made a noticeable difference in my health and well being. After six weeks of abandoning the Green Diet I am 8 pounds heavier, terribly lethargic, achy, taking longer to recover from a workout, experiencing acne breakouts, and constantly hungry. Writing about this “diet plan” is not meant to be preachy; it is an exercise to document what made me healthy and successful earlier this year so I can get back to business. Read the books I mentioned above, they are inspirational and eye opening. If you decided to try the green diet let me know how it goes. The diet industry is worth billions…

Forbidden Fruit

Most diets have a laundry list of foods you can or cannot have and, as a recovering serial dieter, I had to admit my food fears and address whether avoidance of certain foods is justified. Many of these avoidance habits were picked up from the fad diets found in supermarket magazines claiming to have the magical formula for “Losing 2 dress sizes before Memorial Day!” With years and years of dieting, we add new items to growing lists of what not to eat and never take the old ones off that list. After avoiding anything with taste to drop a few dress sizes with little to no success, I now realize everything I missed out on by banning certain foods from entering my mouth.

Fruit: Weight Watchers devotees often avoid fruit since it has points. For years the only fruit I consumed were the wedges of lime and maraschino cherries in my happy hour cocktails. With the large number of people on the Atkins diet and Weight Watchers I am surprised we do not have a rampant scurvy outbreak in the United States. After the nearly decade long fruit hiatus it was actually difficult to bring myself to eat even the smallest apple for fear the high sugar content would make me fat. When I confessed this issue to my health coach she pointed out how hard pressed I would be to find one person on this planet suffering from obesity because of their fruit consumption habits.

Granola: It never dawned on me that granola must be good for you otherwise the healthy granola heads of Colorado and Oregon would have a different nickname. Granola is higher in calories, fat and sugar than other breakfast options like Special K or a breakfast bar so it never made a rotation in my diet. Upon the encouragement of a nutritionist I introduced granola into my morning routine and saw amazing results. Unlike cereals puffed with air, granola is not only tasty but managed to keep my tummy from growling well past 10:30 in the morning.

Yogurt: Through the years I have consumed plenty of the tasteless, fat-free garbage with an almost gel like consistency but avoided “real-deal” yogurt. Eating nasty diet yogurt was not done for eating enjoyment, but simply out of dairy and enzyme needs. Real, creamy yogurt is a rich and beautiful thing full of flavor, incredibly filling and satisfying. My personal favorite is Stonefield Farms Vanilla, although their plain yogurt with crunchy granola is perfect for breakfast or dessert. The combination of granola and yogurt is so filling the clock tells me it is time for lunch, not my stomach.

Eggs: The jury keeps changing their ruling on eggs, some studies they are good and others they should be avoided more than a pit bull in heat. Since there is a bit of truth to any study eggs demonstrate how important it is to enjoy a bit of everything in moderation to get the health benefits of the item while limiting the risks.

Regular Bread: Through the years bread became nothing more then a cold cut delivery mechanism. Only on special occasions did I enjoy good bread with any hint of flavor. Most of the time “lite” cardboard like slices were the only baked good passing through my lips; low in calories, carbs and flavor. When I did have good bread I often over-indulged which led me to believe I couldn’t be trusted in a bakery. Food should be savored and enjoyed, not just stomached and there is really nothing enjoyable about lite bread. The smell of bread from our oven or local bakery now fills our home and it is possible to enjoy a single slice of good bread without going over the top when it is no longer forbidden fruit.

Oils: Any person “watching their fats” avoided fatty foods like salmon, nuts, and bottled oils for years. The concept of good fats and bad fats was either undiscovered or unadvertised and the message in magazines and many health journals was loud and clear; all fats are bad fats. We now know that “good-cholesterol,” clinically known as HDL, controls bad cholesterol to maintain healthy levels. Salmon is an essential food in delivering fatty acids crucial in raising good cholesterol which is necessary to fight bad cholesterol. Salmon also provides a huge range of health benefits beyond the heart healthy including brain, skin and joint functioning. The one thing to look out for is farmed salmon; wild caught salmon is healthier. Medical reports claim that people who eat nuts are less likely to develop diabetes than those who don’t. Studies worldwide indicate that cultures with diets rich in healthy oils like Olive or Safflower enjoy greater longevity (and are probably happier since they get to eat Olive Oil!). Avocadoes are another food that diet aficionados would never dream of eating, I heard so many times at Weight Watchers how people would not touch guacamole because of how fatty it was. Eat up everyone, avocados might be high in fat but it is the good monounsaturated fat. Avocadoes also deliver more potassium than a banana, are an excellent source of vitamin B and have more fiber than any other fruit, beats taking Metamucil. Without fat skin dries up and hair falls out; carrying a little extra fat is certainly prettier than those options.

Cheese: Wine and Cheese, Cheesy Pizza, Grilled Cheese, Cheese Omelets, Crackers and Cheese, Cheese Steaks, Queso Dip; the list of yummy things made of or with cheese goes on and on and on. If you have ever attempted to include fat free cheese in your diet you discovered it is made of some strange rubbery material that tastes like crap and doesn’t actually melt. I tried and tried to convince myself that this was a necessary substitute for the battle of the bulge but each package of fat free singles felt tasted more dreadful than divine. The true test came when Luna, my dog who would sell her soul and toys for Tillamook Cheddar, spit out the Kraft Free cheddar after performing a trick. If a dog spitting something out is not evidence enough that something tastes bad then I don’t know what is.

Ice Cream: Does anything say summer more than a soft serve ice cream cone? Ice Cream is a major player in food substitution marketing. You want nothing more then a Blizzard but instead get some low-fat or no fat substitute from your local grocer’s freezer, momentarily tricking your brain into thinking it actually got some ice cream. Hours later it becomes impossible to resist the thing you wanted in the first place and rather then just having one real ice cream treat in your stomach you actually have a full box of the fake ice cream AND the real stuff. Cookies also fall into this bad substitution scenario. One cookie from Mrs. Field’s oozing with warm chocolate chips is a lot better than a full box of snackwells.

Regular Beer: Drinking light beer is basically resigning yourself to give up on flavor and taste in return for a slight buzz. It is possible to get used to light beer, and many people claim they cannot taste the difference but this is delusional at best; good beer is far superior to its watered down cousin. After Amstel Light, my skinny beer of choice, started giving me unexplainable headaches I started drinking regular beer again and was reminded of the beauty of a good beer on a warm summer day. A few okay tasting light beers like Sam Adams are found in my fridge, but these are reserved for consuming later in the night when taste buds disappear anyway.

Chocolate: Yeah, right. Like I ever tried to give up chocolate.

Potato Chips: This could be the one item I should avoid but life would be dim and no longer worth living. The crisp, saltiness of a good potato chip is one of the most simple and beautiful food pleasures around. My problem with potato chips sounds much like a Lays commercial; I cannot eat just one. Often I snap awake from a binge coma to find my hands layered in greasy crumbs at the bottom of an empty bag. Sure I could just avoid the temptation all together, but we all need our vices, don’t we?

Moderation is the key to enjoying anything and everything your heart desires. Obviously if you have a food allergy or other health issue there are times when foods should be abolished from the menu, but otherwise eat up and stop feeling guilty about eating fun and fabulous foods. Variety is the spice of life; if your mouth is bored then chances are you’ll be cheating on any healthier lifestyle you choose.

Purging Bad Behaviors

What do you picture when you think of a person with an eating disorder? It is hard not to think of a skeletally thin woman; weak, pale and sickly. This almost universal image focuses on the most extreme sufferers, anorexics, but leaves out so many others that endure various other forms and degrees of eating disorders. Those struggling with eating disorders come in all shapes and sizes, but those who are not thin often go untreated or undiagnosed as they display no observable signs of their disease. Very few recognize or understand the wide spectrum of eating disorders or the people who struggle with them. Far too many people, women and men, have an eating disorder and do not recognize the signs or are too ashamed to admit to their issues.

After years of yo-yo dieting and struggling with weight and poor body image I finally recognized early this year, with the help of books, a health coach and other medical professionals, that I suffered from a binge eating disorder complete with a side of exercise bulimia and super-sized diet obsession. This was only half a surprise as my past includes a dark bulimia nervosa period in college and my early 20s. While I stopped the puking, a pattern of binging, feeling guilty, starving myself, hiding my food consumption from friends and family and then binging again out of hunger and frustration was long established, deeply cemented and refined over the years, becoming just as much a part of who I am as my blue eyes and big smile. Half jokingly, I used to think that anorexics were lucky in their obviousness of their struggle with food and body image. Shamefully, the biggest struggle with “coming out” about my problem is the embarrassment of people thinking that being thin is an eating disorder pre-requisite and therefore I must just be a fat person looking for an excuse. While it would be easier to hide the issue I feel compelled to begin sharing some of the obstacles, insights and discoveries in my journey to combat my problem with overeating and exercising.

Bad habits, entrenched such as mine, cannot be fixed with a diet; I needed to tackle the “demons” in my head. Food is not the enemy, fat is not the enemy, carbs are not the enemy, I am the enemy. Through the years I had varying amounts of success with every diet imaginable. From liquid and pills to fasting and hypnosis, no approach to weight loss was left unturned. As a binge eater, fad diets were even more dangerous, bringing a level of justification to my problem and masking the extent of the issue. Bingeing within the guidelines of the diet de jour, bacon binges during the Atkins phase or Snackwells during the fat free craze, seemed perfectly legitimate in the mind of a compulsive overeater. People often develop fads of their own, disguising their eating disorder as healthy eating. Some vegetarians actually suffer from eating disorders, giving up meat as a weight loss tool. Others employ strange eating obsessions like refusing to ingest mammals with gestation periods less then 322 days or only eating foods that begin with the letter Q. Don’t be fooled into thinking these people are doing something healthy, they are just creating their own little disorder.

Even the healthiest diets can turn bad when put into the hands of a person with an eating disorder. Weight Watchers, unarguably the healthiest food plan in the diet market when done correctly, can teach the average person how to eat healthier and with more controlled portions to lose weight safely. Weight Watchers provides the necessary tools and tips to both lose weight and keep it off the weight in a world filled with restaurants and holiday parties. Yet somehow I managed to turn the healthiest diet on earth into an obsession that spiraled out of control.

Losing 60 pounds in six months back in 2002 was easy, all it took was calculating the points of every single item I ingested, avoiding friends and temptation like the black plague, and working out 3 hours a day, 6 days a week to ensure that everything I ate was burned off (aka, anorexia athletica). Piece of cake, right? Wrong. The weight was impossible to keep off and I blamed everything from breaking my left foot, changing jobs, breaking my right foot, and moving for the scale creeping up, up, up. Not until I re-joined Weight Watchers this year did I acknowledge my deep rooted issues with food and how I could manipulate any diet or eating plan into a compulsion. Almost immediately I transformed into what is un-affectionately known as a “Points Nazi.”

After a few weeks of being “on-plan” and eating like I was in prison or “off-plan” and gorging like it was my last meal I decided to switch from the flex (points) plan to the core plan. For those not religiously affiliated with Church of Weight Watchers, the core plan includes a menu of healthy foods that you are permitted to eat as much of as you want, so long as you stop when you are almost full which brought to light a major issue; diet plans, news, friends, family all teach us how and what not to eat, but no one really ever teaches us how to eat and when to stop. This was a major discovery in tackling my overeating. Somehow through the years I developed a mindset that my mouth was either turned on to eat everything not nailed down to the floor or turned completely off to everything but water. Eating until full then stopping was a foreign concept but a necessary piece to master in maintaining a healthy weight. Out of all the lessons I’ve learned over the past 6 months, this is one of the most difficult but important.

It is estimated that over 30% of women seeking to lose weight suffer from a binge eating disorder and after understanding my own issues I quickly saw the signs in others. My time attending Weight Watchers came to an end because there were far too many women making the same mistakes I made years ago; approaching the diet as another goal to be attained and not addressing their real issues. I could look around the room and pick out those who would lose weight in record time only to put it back on again and it pained me to hear their dieting triumphs and tragedies. While I could try and point out their paths to failure, dangerous habits and need to address their emotional health, I needed to focus on fixing me which couldn’t be done in a room full of women dieting and talking about their guilt and shame in eating. We each have to find our own path to combat our own issues and realize the journey of self-discovery is the most important of them all. I have been consuming solids for over 32 years now, but am really just beginning to learn how to eat.

AFD

After working for the Government, Financial Industry and Healthcare I saw every acronym under the sun; or so I thought. While driving around Australia, roadside billboards encouraged motorists to practise (yes, with the English “s”) two AFD’s a week for better health. The billboard gave little to no hint what an AFD was, depicting photos of couples enjoying a walk together or families out at the beach. There was such a frequency of the messages as we drove from Sydney to the vineyards of Hunter Valley that my curiosity quickly became overwhelming; I had to know what an AFD was. I don’t remember who exactly provided the AFD education, it could have been a waitress at a pub, a friend or random person on the street, but it was surprising and amusing to find out the definition behind the mysterious acronym; Alcohol Free Day.

Drinking is as much part of the Australian culture as big portions are to Americans. Everywhere you go there is a pub brimming with men and women alike enjoying a pint of their favorite beer, playing darts, engaging in conversation and relaxing with family and mates. This laid back part of the Australian culture and their ability to create a community over cocktails, is one of the many things I love about the country and its people. Teetotalers would definitely declare that the entire citizenry of the Island nation has a serious drinking problem but their drinking is no more a problem then in any other place in the world. Actually, I think the Australians are much more social in their drinking and in my experience are much less apt to hide it or imbibe alone.

Apparently the frequency of their socializing is a big enough problem that the Government found it necessary to start a public awareness campaign aimed a reducing the number of days people drink and not necessarily the amount. What a country! I started wondering deep down inside under all this European blood was an Australian just waiting to come out. Encouraging people to put down their bottles 2 days a week is like an open invitation to drink 5 days a week. If a person in the United States admitted to drinking 5 or more days a week they would be met with concerned looks, sneers and rejection. As one of my Australian friends has pointed out, that is one of the many differences between a country founded by convicts and a country founded by puritans; convicts are more fun.

Upon returning home from my adventure down under we could not help but share the AFD public service message with all our friends, many who thought we were joking. Public health campaigns in the United States usually focus on nutrition, exercise or the benefits of breastfeeding. It is comical to think of how an AFD campaign would be received in the US, the types of studies needed to prove any real health benefits, and if it is even necessary in a culture more focused on short term binges then daily drinking.

Coming from a family that often enjoys too much of a good thing and always watching my caloric intake, I thought I was all too aware of my drinking patterns. The AFD campaign opened my eyes to some interesting personal patterns that included having a drink (or two) after a particularly stressful day at work, frequent attendance at happy hours, a jam packed social schedule and an inability to turn down a free drink. Suddenly, when paying very close attention to my AFDs vs. ADs (alcohol days), I realized that after joking around that 2 AFDs hardly seemed like much of a sacrifice that I often didn’t adhere to this simple guideline.

"Stay busy, get plenty of exercise, and don't drink too much. Then again, don't drink too little."
-Herman "Jackrabbit" Smith-Johannsen

ADs were often just a glass of wine with dinner which aligns with many medical studies that show a single glass of wine daily actually has plenty of health benefits. Unfortunately, my attempts to enjoy the finer wines and spirits of life in daily moderation are just that; attempts. I easily succumb to peer pressure and it doesn’t take much of an arm twist to convince me to have another at happy hour, a party, or dinner. This unfortunate trait to enjoy too much of a good thing makes it impossible to follow the healthy guideline to have a single glass of wine a day. Perhaps the Australian Government, in their AFD public health campaign, realized that their citizens are also unable to embrace moderation and opted instead to encourage weekly holidays from alcohol. Two AFDs a week is a modest goal and even with a jam packed social calendar I am finding it easier and easier to have three or four AFDs a week which is helping out with the size of my waistline and my wallet. People no longer assume if I bypass the wine or beer for an ice tea at an event that I must be sick or, *gasp*, pregnant. All it takes these days is one simple explanation; it’s an AFD.

Nutra-Not So Sweet

Daily bone-crushing headaches caused blurry vision and sleepless nights. These headaches would start at the base of my skull and quickly progress to my brow bone; my head felt like it was split into two halves. Medical Professionals were perplexed by the location and frequency of the headaches and ordered a gamut of tests to get to the root of their cause. Blood tests, x-rays and cat scans proved inconclusive leading the doctors to blame stress, prescribing nothing but muscle relaxers and pain killers to ease the discomfort until I was able to address and combat my stressful environment. Soon other symptoms started taking over my body; mood swings, lethargy, joint stiffness, swelling, and tingling to name just a few. Blood tests ruled out lupus, Lyme disease, Epstein Barr (chronic fatigue syndrome), and rheumatoid arthritis and MS was ruled out after a re-review of my previous cat scan. Officially, the diagnosis on the joint pain was carpal tunnel syndrome, but fibromyalgia was still considered a possibility. Deep in my heart I knew stress and my desk job could not be the causes of my health problems and I grew increasingly despondent with the thought of a life filled with pain.

Happy-go-lucky Chelle was replaced by just trying to get through life Chelle. Each day was a painful struggle and behind my forced smile was a miserable person. To make a concerted effort at normalcy I made plans throughout the summer to visit family and friends, finding comfort in their love and hospitality. During one trip I realized by weekend’s end something shocking; my head felt fine. It was somewhat ironic that the best I felt in nearly a year was after a weekend of drinking nothing but wine and beer and eating a cornucopia of delicious, fatty foods. Could it be that living healthy was the culprit in my health problems and the cure was eating crap and drinking like a fish?

My return to work after a long weekend away followed the usual routine; wake up, make coffee, shower, eat granola bar, drive to work, walk to desk, get thirsty, pop open a diet coke… Almost immediately after sipping the zero calorie bubbly goodness pressure shot from the base of my neck clear through my head as tears shot from my eyes from the sheer intensity of the pain. Diet Coke was a staple in my diet and it was not uncommon for me to drink it throughout the day. Initially I refused to believe that my beverage of choice was the culprit in my maladies but decided to treat the possible offender like any new food allergy; remove it for a week, reintroduce into diet, analyze results.

Fast forward one headache free week and the re-introduction of Diet Coke confirmed it was indeed the source of my pain. Then began the task of figuring out what ingredient in soda caused my headaches. I began trying different soda brands in diet and non-diet varieties and taking copious notes to whether the beverages triggered a headache. Aspartame, aka NutraSweet or Equal, was leading the ingredient analysis. To fully test the theory I began the same analysis with food and candy containing the suspicious ingredient, even ate a packet of Equal and sure enough, got a headache every time confirming that I needed to expunge aspartame from my diet. Months after giving up aspartame another positive result surfaced; my joint pain, swelling and stiffness disappeared. Turns out my headaches and joint issues were medically related to the same root cause. Years have now passed since the discovery and it is hard not to link other past health issues on the substance; my seasonal allergies are milder then in the past and I no longer need to use an inhaler.

I honestly do not know how people allergic to common food and ingredients like wheat, milk and eggs survive. Attempting to remove aspartame from my diet revealed just how many products this sugar substitute hides in, from food and drink to medicine and toothpaste, and how hard it is to find alternatives. Even under a watchful eye I would somehow consume some NutraSweet and suffer from the consequences. My poor friends must put up with my fear and neurosis with every meal out as I quiz waitresses on food content and often bring my own soda to ensure a pain free weekend. The side of me that wrestles with her weight curses the inability to get a diet beverage out at a restaurant or bar, but the extra calories are well worth a life free of pain.

Most of my sugar-free needs these days are met with Sucralose, aka Splenda, but I am increasingly nervous that someday my Splenda Diet Coke issue will cause lead to health problems. These types of allergies are often referred to as “exposure allergies” meaning the more you are exposed to the substance the worse the symptoms become. Many researchers and medical professionals classify aspartame as an intolerance and not a true allergy while others actually classify aspartame medical issues as poisonings. I was an avid Diet Coke drinker for nearly two decades before it starting making me sick. How long before other manmade chemicals start messing around with my body? Even scarier, was there permanent damage from my years of aspartame consumption?

Working around this allergy/intolerance/poisoning is often difficult but I am so thankful I discovered the cause of my issue. I often wonder how many people are misdiagnosed with a whole host of ailments, treating themselves with expensive and sometimes dangerous drugs, when they are actually suffering from some sort of food and drink related allergy. Could all the new dyes, chemicals, compounds and additives added to our diets be the cause of even more medical issues yet researched? The makers of all these new products claim no, but after my experience I am skeptical of their counter-claims and research. The manufacturers of aspartame deny any and all claims made against the safety of their product, citing and documenting lack of proof; all but claiming people with issues have other problems that should be addressed. It does not take a controlled scientific experiment to reasonably assess that aspartame made me, and many others, very ill. I encourage everyone suffering from unexplained medical issues to examine their diet and make some changes. We are all guinea pigs in long-term chemical additive experiments and I personally would volunteer in any aspartame study to prove there is a link between this substance and a host of debilitating symptoms.

Quote of the Week

In celebration of Twin Cities Restaurant Week...

One of the very nicest things about life is the way we must regularly stop whatever it is we are doing and devote our attention to eating.

- Luciano Pavarotti

The Happiest Restaurant on Earth

Disney World, the happiest place on earth, is now an even happier place for those who want to indulge in an Adult Friendly evening. Victoria and Albert’s, a five star restaurant in Disney’s Grand Floridian Resort, officially adopted a policy of no children under the age of ten at the start of 2008. The decision on the part of Disney management is one to be applauded; no one should be subject to a misbehaving child during $125 prix fixe meal. Some argue that this is the newest addition to a growing number of “child-unfriendly” policies sweeping the nation but few are addressing the root cause of the issue; why are businesses compelled to ban children?

Victoria and Albert’s is the definition of an upscale dining experience. Upon arriving each woman receives a single red rose and diners are escorted to a very small and private dining room. Guests enjoy a 2 ½ hour multi-course gourmet meal served with white gloves in an atmosphere compete with harpist. For an extra $60 above the base price of $125 you can enjoy a wine pairing with each course; this is a culinary event and not just a dinner. Does this sound like the kind of place to bring a child under the age of 10? Management attempted to communicate the adult setting of this restaurant with the absence of children’s pricing, yet parents insisted on bringing their young children. Ultimately the high number of complaints directed towards ill-behaved children forced Disney to take action, ensuring their key clientele paying top dollar would have the perfect evening they were looking for. Interestingly enough, reports indicate the biggest complaints came from parents who were trying to get away from children for the evening.

Disney is not alone. There are a growing number of restaurants, shops and bars addressing the presence of children on their premises. Ultimately it boils down to one thing; there is a time and a place for children and too many parents have demonstrated their inability to draw the line as to when and where children are appropriate. Fancy restaurants, rowdy bars, adult theaters and antique shops are just a few examples of businesses that are not designed for children and are taking official action to keep them out. Even casual restaurants and cafes are starting to create policies so their diners without children, or with well-behaved children, are not forced to endure inconsiderate parents and their misbehaving brood.

There is parental backlash against establishments enforcing a brat-free environment. Parents with a sense of entitlement are going so far as to bring age-discrimination lawsuits when denied entry or asked to leave when their child is acting up. This anger and action against restaurants is terribly misplaced. Rather then focusing upon busines policies shouldn’t we instead focus on the mounting parental irresponsibility driving the need for these policies? Even parents who actually have darling, perfectly behaved children recognize there are other parents who refuse to discipline and control their offspring and children-free policies are making up for a lack of common sense.

A combination of political correctness and mommy-mania has us dancing around the issue of parents refusal to supervise their children causing chaos, running around restaurants, tripping patrons and waitstaff, disrupting conversations, ruining everyone’s day and becoming a danger to themselves and those around. What is a sad testament to the state of our society is how many parents do not notice or care about their children running amok. Few parents take criticism of their children very well and most are horrified when confronted with the suggestion their child is anything less then perfectly behaved, becoming indignant when confronted. The worst behaved children are often the offspring of parents who would accept a request to gouge their eyes out with a sugar spoon sooner than a request to shut their kids up; making it nearly impossible to communicate when junior is causing angst amongst diners.

Even worse are those who claim this disorderly conduct is a normal part of growing up and calming children down is an impossible task or one that will hurt their fragile self-esteem. These parental excuses are leading to generations of children who without the most basic understanding of politeness and respect are ill-equipped to function upon leaving the nest. Some parents argue that these restaurant bans will actually limit their ability to teach children how to behave while dining out which is nothing short of absurd. Like all good lessons that of table manners can begin at home. If parents allow their children to run around the house and act up during mealtimes this behavior will not miraculously disappear when entering a fine French restaurant. Children can even learn table manners at McDonald’s if parents demand them to behave with the same courtesy and respect that is expected in a higher class restaurant. The lessons of public etiquette and behavior should be approached much like our schooling; just as we don’t expect a five year old to thrive in high-school algebra we shouldn’t expect that same five year old to master the skills necessary to dine in a five star restaurant. Even restaurants that cater more to children should not be viewed as a playground; no one visiting Applebee's expects an intimate and quiet dinner but that is no excuse to let children hang from the rafters.

Parents also argue that they are entitled to enjoy a fine meal just as much as non-parents forgetting that part of the choice to have children includes sacrificing visits to restaurants that serve foie gras. Unless willing to hire a babysitter parents should stick to restaurants with high chairs, children’s menus, kids eat free specials and placemats with crayons. Children will still get a night out with their parents and will be far happier with chicken finger then goose liver. There are far more places that cater to children then those that don’t. Those who enjoy the pleasure of an intimate dining experience or even a quiet coffee shop should support businesses brave enough to stand up to “family-friendly” pressures to provide an adult-friendly atmosphere.

Super Menu VIII

It was inevitable that our 8th annual Super Bowl party, themed to match the host and team cities, would include New England. New England's continuous visits to the Super Bowl make keeping the menu fresh and unique quite challenging. Sick of Boston Baked Beans and Clam Chowder, the New Jersey Giants and Arizona were favored heavily on this year’s menu. We enlisted the help of friends and family in the preparation and presentation of our annual Super Bowl feast and the outcome was far better then any of the commercials that night.

Arizona was well represented this year with our friend Amy assigned the state and enlisting the assistance of our friends Tara, Chris, Sara and Wade. With our brutally cold winter it was nice to warm up with some fine Southwestern faire. Amy made her world famous Enchiladas served piping hot with her homemade Guacamole. Tara’s Corn Salsa presented in a giant margarita glass was both beautiful and tasty. Bottles of Patron Tequila from Amy, Sara, Wade, Chris and Tara made for very tasty Prickly Pear Margaritas. Wade and Sara spiced up the party with Chili Beer, every bottle complete with its own chili pepper. The stadium bundt pan made and appearance; the caramel cake decorated with Vikings purple and yellow (dare to dream!).

New York/New Jersey included many of my hometown favorites. Mom hooked us up with Gabila’s Knishes and Wise Onion and Garlic potato chips, two things I import back to Minnesota every time I visit my family. Like every good tailgater at the Meadowlands we made Italian Sausages and topped them with roasted peppers and onions. We visited Breadsmith the morning of the big game to get fresh hot dog buns for the sausages and discovered they also sell soft pretzels. Even with the frigid temperatures we fired up the grill and cooked all the New York food outside and discovered that nothing beats soft pretzels with a smoky flavor. Tara and Chris provided us with a White Chocolate Raspberry Cheesecake to satisfy our sweet teeth.

New England's presence on the menu was almost bypassed altogether but decided we had to pay homage to the AFC representative in the game. Wade whipped up a Crab and Lobster Dip which he baked in a crusty bread bowl. It would not be a Super Bowl party without me trying to make a funky cheesecake and this year’s entry was a Maple Sugar Cheesecake. It was like pancakes but not as healthy.

The food and the game both turned out better then expected and we look forward to next year when the menu will include items from the host city, Tampa, and whatever teams are lucky enough to play in Super Bowl XLIII.

• Super Bowl XLI Menu

I ♥ Coffee

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, an old adage that applies to affairs of the heart and the stomach. In an attempt to cut down my 6 cup a day coffee habit I decided to endure the pain and suffering associated with caffeine withdrawal and give up my daily java habit cold turkey. Once getting past the lack of energy and mind crushing headaches I discovered the sensory deprivation of life without coffee left me cold and miserable.

I love the taste coffee, the rich complexities of a fine bean brewed under perfect conditions. Coffee, when well made, does not need to be enhanced by flavors like milk or sugar but enjoyed for the pure strength and beauty contained within a steaming cup of black liquid. Coffee is a beverage that can be enjoyed both hot or cold making it the perfect beverage regardless of the season. Coffee beans, like wine grapes, take on different taste characteristics based on based upon bean type, soil conditions, weather, care and blending. Virginia Madsen’s monologue on wine in the movie Sideways can could easily convey the beauty of coffee; “I like how (coffee) continues to evolve, like if I opened a (bag of beans) today it would taste different than if I'd opened it on any other day, because (coffee) is actually alive. And it's constantly evolving and gaining complexity. That is, until it peaks. And then it begins its steady, inevitable decline.” A good cup of coffee is as beautiful as a fine glass of wine and takes more then just beans and water but true love from growers and roasters to be worth of vintage mention.

I love the sound of coffee, regardless to whether the sound comes from an espresso machine or a percolator it is like music to my ears; water heating, the first drop hitting the pot, a cup being filled. Especially melodic is the sound of beans being ground just seconds before their brewing; it is the sound of flavor.

I love the sight of coffee, people sitting around a table laughing and enjoying find conversation over a cup of java. Dark coffee shops with orange mood lighting perfect for a poetry reading. Bright and cheery shops, bursting with light from big windows, friends gathering over white ceramic mugs steaming with the drip of the day. Coffee brings people together and there is nothing that looks more beautiful then togetherness.

I love the smell of coffee; there is no other scent that evokes emotions of warmth and comfort like coffee brewing. The smell of coffee brings me back to family gatherings, adults sitting around the table for coffee and conversation while we all played games and eavesdropped. Once the smell of coffee wafted through the air we all knew that pie, cake and cookies were not far behind.

I love the way coffee makes me feel; what other beverage can be used to become more alert, awake and ready to take on the world or to lay back and relax in calming comfort. Comfort is also found in the routine of coffee; the morning ritual of brewing a pot to start the day, retrieving the large coffee urn from storage for large family gatherings, the way a long order like a Venti Half Caf Non Fat Extra Hot Sugar Free Caramel Latte just rolls off the tongue. From the time we are babies humans thrive in an environment of routine and structure and routine is still necessary in our adult years to provide a sense of calm and control that is lacking in so many of our lives.

Without coffee my senses are dulled, things do not taste, look, smell, sound or hear the same. I almost feel lost without my daily cup of coffee. This type of attachment to is synonymous with addition but mid-way through January it is time to admit failure on kicking the coffee habit and move on. With all the medical studies linked to the benefits of coffee consumption there are far worse addictions to have. Knowing you have an addictive personality is hard but finding something an addiction that can actually help my health and well being is priceless.

A funny thing happened on my way to the microwave

Microwave popcorn is a survival food at work, something easy to store in a drawer and readily available when endless meetings make it nearly impossible to grab lunch. Popcorn is fast, filling, tasty and more importantly to those following a diet plan, relatively low in calories for a reduced fat mini-bag. The three times a week popcorn habit was met with an occasional comment on the need to make time for a meal, but more often then not went completely unnoticed. That is, until the announcement that a consumer contracted a rare but serious disease that is referred to as Popcorn Workers Lung.

Bronchiolitis obliterans is a condition in which the bronchioles become plugged and individuals affected have severely reduced lung capacity. There is no cure beyond a lung transplant. Around 5 years ago, the Centers for Disease Control announced that a high number of individuals working in the popcorn manufacturing industry were inflicted with the disease, thus the name Popcorn Workers Lung. The recent discovery of a consumer contracting this debilitating disease hit the news last week and my popcorn habit is now a hot topic of conversation in the office.

Complete strangers are popping in my cube to ask if I heard the news, asking if I am worried for my health, or joking that I now need to completely change my diet. For the record, I am not worried for my health nor am I going to change my 2 to 3 time a week trip to the microwave with my mini-bag of smartpop. Out of all the bad habits I could have (and do have), eating a high fiber, low fat snack that might cause lung disease when consumed in excess is not really a big worry. Drinking diet soda, eating red meat and French fries, rollerblading without a helmet, speeding on the highway, forgetting to do breast self exams, carrying an excess thirty pounds and neglecting to put little sticky things in my shower to prevent slipping are probably a bigger cause of concern for my health and well-being then my love of Orville Redenbacher.

The overblown concern over microwave popcorn demonstrates a much bigger issue on the role of the press in creating a culture of fear where people lose perspective and become overly concerned about trivial things. We are constantly bombarded by stories and images of random stuff that could threaten our health, reported in such a way where the threat seems bigger then it actually is. People worry about these stories that hit the news when there are so many other threats all around them; they will throw out all their popcorn to save their family yet forget to buckle their seatbelt on the way to work.

Today marked a comical moment where such a misplacement of concern and energy occurred. Starved, I faced the option of eating a bag of popcorn or a high fat donut; I chose the popcorn. A funny thing happened on my way to the microwave as I received comments that the microwave popcorn would kill me. These comments came from one severely obese man and two women returning from their cigarette break who obviously have bigger health concerns to worry about.

100 To Dos Before I am Done

It is customary for bloggers to write 100 things about themselves to celebrate their 100th post. Since I write about myself rather frequently and would prefer not to bore you to tears, it is much more entertaining to share my personal checklist. You often hear people make mention of places and experiences “on my list,” but how many of us actually take time to make that list? Everyone should have a checklist of things they want to achieve in their lifetime; to strive for, to work for, and to live for. Sparked by the recent surge of books in the genre of “Things to do before you die,” it was time to officially pen my own list. Hope you enjoy my personal checklist of 100 things to do before I die and are inspired to start one of your own (and of course maintain the list of memories of things you have already accomplished: your to-done list).

Attend:
1. a creative writing retreat
2. a concert of Vivaldi Concertos performed by a famous orchestra
3. a game at every Major League Ballpark
4. a Grand Slam tennis match
5. a hot air balloon festival
6. a U2 Concert (July 23, 2011 at TCF Stadium in Minneapolis)
7. an Alanis Morissette concert
8. a wedding in Las Vegas
9. the Gilroy Garlic Festival
10. the Highland Games
11. the Kentucky Derby
12. the Oregon's Brewers Festival


Celebrate:
13. Halloween in Salem, Massachusetts
14. Oktoberfest in Germany (Regensburg Dultfest, September 2013, better than Oktoberfest!)
15. my 25th wedding anniversary renewing our vows on a tropical island
16. Thanksgiving by marching in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade
17. the Summer Solstice in Reykjavik, Iceland


Cook:

18. a Sunday dinner with my whole family at a villa in Tuscany
19. at an overseas cooking class


Dance:

20. lessons with my husband
21. the Polka in Eastern Europe


Dine:
22. at a Mario Batali or Bobby Flay restaurant (Vegas, August 2012)
23. at Charlie Trotter's
24. at French Laundry
25. at Sardi's
26. at the Chef's table anywhere
27. in a Café with my last name in Italy (Rome, April 2012)
28. on Buffalo Wings at the Anchor Bar (September 2008)
29. on Lobsters in Maine


Drink:
30. at a vineyard with my last name in Italy, Australia or California
31. at the Cape Winelands in South Africa
32. at the Chateau Ste. Michelle Vineyard
33. Champagne on a vineyard in Champagne, France
34. frothy goodness on a German Beer Trail (September 2013)
35. through Kentucky's Bourbon Trail
36. through Scotland's Scotch Whiskey Trail
37. wine and plenty of it on a vineyard tour with Kristen, Renee', Stacy and Diane


Experience:
38. a full day at a luxury spa
39. an African Safari
40. scuba diving
41. sex on the beach
42. raising $100K for animal charities


Host:
43. a Foreign Exchange Student
44. my family for a holiday in my home


Purchase:

45. an original Tom Everhart painting
46. a convertible for my WARM CLIMATE retirement


Read:

47. A Farewell to Arms by Ernest Hemingway
48. every Bill Bryson book
49. The Bible (or the Bible for Dummies (Removed)
50. Thomas Jefferson by R. B. Bernstein
51. War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy


Receive:

52. my Master's Degree (Removed)


Rescue:

53. a poodle mix


Ride:
54. the Cyclone in Coney Island (July, 2014)
55. the roller coasters at Cedar Point


See:
56. Michangelo's David (April, 2012)
57. Sistine Chapel
58. Monet's Gardens at Giverny


Skate:
59. Miami's Great EsSkate
60. Rockefeller Center
61. the London Inline Marathon
62. the Napa Valley Inline Marathon
63. the New York City Inline Marathon


Stay:

64. at a Disney Deluxe Resort
65. at a Ritz
66. at the Fairmont Banff Springs
67. at the Fairmont Le Château Frontenac in Quebec City
68. at the Grand Hotel on Mackinac Island
69. at the Hayman Island Resort in Australia
70. at the Hotel Del Coronado (completed March 2008)
71. at the Inn at Little Washington
72. in a castle (Oberwesel, Germany; September 2013)
73. in a lighthouse
74. in an over the water bungalow in the South Pacific
75. on a boathouse


Swim:

76. the Mediterranean Sea in the Greek Isles
77. with a dolphin
78. with the animals of the Galapagos Islands
79. in an ocean with my dogs


Travel:
80. across the Atlantic on a cruise
81. in a hot air balloon
82. on a water plane


Visit:

83. all 50 US States by the time I'm 50 (which will probably be 51 states by 51 by the time I get there)
84. all 7 continents (including Antarctica before the environmentalists realize we shouldn't be there)
85. a village of my descendants with my Mother (September, 2013)
86. Capri, the Amalfi Coast, and Montalcino Italy (April, 2012)
87. Cooperstown
88. Croatia (soon, before it gets McDonalds and Starbucks)
89. Disney World with my nieces and nephews
90. Mount Rushmore
91. Nantucket Island
92. Stonehenge
93. the Czech Republic
94. the Easter Island Statues
95. the Great Wall of China
96. Pyramids of Giza
97. the Seychelles (Chelle sees seashells at the Seychelles on the seashore)


Win:

98. a photo contest


Witness:

99. sunrise from Cadillac Mountain


Write and publish:

100. a book
101. a travel article

I would love to hear about what is on your list. Leave me comments to inspire my extended list...

Bonus To Dos:

102. Travel around the world on a cruise
103. See a Bills game in Buffalo
104. Do 10 pull-ups without help
105. Learn Italian
106. Get my boating license
107. Kite Surf

An Actual Useful Survey

After frequently responding to personal surveys via email and myspace, it dawned on me that these personal assessments could actually be tools useful beyond understanding what we are wearing and what is under our beds. We all think we know our friends and family very well, but then something happens that raises question on the closeness of our bonds. Recently, I found myself at the front of the line at a bagel shop with no clue what my sister’s favorite bagel was. I felt horrible; how could I not know whether she liked salt or poppy? To assure that no one goes through the same heart-wrenching moment, the following list of questions are really useful to understanding your friends and family at a time it really counts; when you are out grabbing them something to eat or drink and they didn’t tell you exactly what they wanted. Change this survey up to better serve the restaurants in your area and memorize the answers you get from your friends and family; they will come in handy someday. These are things everyone should know about those they care about...

How do you take your…?

• Coffee: Large and Black
• Eggs: Over Easy
• Bacon: Underdone and fatty
• Toast: Medium Brown, unbuttered
• Choice of Breakfast Potato: Hash Browns, Crispy, with cheese and/or onions if available
• Choice of Breakfast Meat: Sausage Pattie
• Choice of Breakfast Bread: English Muffin
• Choice of Dinner Potato: French Fries or Fully Loaded Baked Potato... never the rice.
• Choice of Vegetable: Anything but Cauliflower
• Steak: Black and Blue, aka Pittsburgh style, if I can get it… but usually medium rare.
• Salad: With Spinach Leaves, No Hard Boiled Eggs, No Orange Dressings or Italian
• Hot Dog: Well done with Ketchup
• Hamburger: Medium Rare with Ketchup and pickles
• Pizza: Italian Sausage and Mushrooms or Pepperoni and Mushrooms
• Buffalo Wings: Spicy Garlic at Buffalo Wild Wings. 3 Mile Island at Hooters. Usually hot unless it is one of those places where the hottest level of wings removes skin from your palate.
• Bagel: Everything, not toasted, regular cream cheese Hot Pretzel: Salt, no mustard
• Nachos: Super with Chicken and extra jalapenos, guacamole on the side.

What do you order at...?

• A Bar: An Irish or Wisconsin Brew
• A Bar and Grille: Buffalo Wings and an Irish or Wisconsin Brew
• A Wine Bar: Dry, Spicy Red; prefer Red Zins
• A Deli: Turkey and Pepperoni on a Kaiser Roll with lettuce, tomato and pickles
• BBQ Restaurant: ½ Rack of Ribs
• Chinese Restaurant: House Special Lo Mein
• Greek Restaurant: Lamb Pizza
• Indian Restaurant: Water
• Italian Restaurant: Penne ala Vodka or Eggplant Parmesan
• Mexican Restaurant: Chicken or Beef Flautas
• Seafood Restaurant: Grilled or Broiled Scallops or Tuna Steak
• Sushi Restaurant: Spicy Tuna
• Thai Restaurant: Shrimp Pad Thai
• 7-11: Cherry or Grape Slurpee
• Baskin Robbins: Anything with caramel or coconut
• Benihana: Scallops Teppanyaki with fried rice
• Boston Market: ¼ White meat chicken, mashed potatoes, creamed spinach and green bean casserole.
• Burger King: Chicken Tenders
• Caribou Coffee: Large, Non-Fat Caramel Highrise
• Carvel Ice Cream: Pistachio with Pineapple
• Cheesecake Factory: Godiva Chocolate Cheesecake; Grilled Vegetable Sandwich
• Chick-filet: Never Been
• Cinnabon: Cinnamon Roll
• Cold-Stone Creamery: Love It Cake Batter Ice Cream with Caramel, Colored Sprinkles and Yellow Cake in a Chocolate Sprinkle Dipped Waffle Cone
• DQ: Medium Caramel and Waffle Cone blizzard or Cherry Dipped Cone
• Dunkin Donuts: Reduced Fat Blueberry muffin or Chocolate Donut and Black Coffee.
• Hardees or Arby's: Curly Fries
• Kentucky Fried Chicken: Extra Crispy Chicken Breast and Mashed Potatoes with Gravy.
• Long John Silver: Fish and Chips
• McDonalds: Quarter Pounder with Cheese, no mustard
• Mrs. Fields: Chocolate Chip or M&M Double Doozie
• Noodles & Company: Asian Salad with grilled Shrimp
• Panera: Asian Chicken
• Salad Salad Works: Make Your Own with Spinach, Tomatos, Mushrooms, Broccoli, Cucumber and Croutons with Fat Free Sundried Tomato dressing
• Starbucks: Venti Sugar Free Caramel Non-Fat Extra Hot Latte
• Subway: 6 inch Turkey on wheat, no cheese, no sauce, lettuce, tomatoes, banana peppers and pickles.
• Taco Bell: Bottled Water
• Wendys: Biggie Fries and a Vanilla Frosty or a Biggie Chili in the winter
• White Castle: 4 Sliders with Onion Rings and a Vanilla shake (only when drunk)

I'll Never Touch...

• Veal
• Cod
• Curry
• Anything with Nutri-Sweet (I'm allergic)
• Bud Products
• Pink Wine

If you have any more ideas, or would like to share your own useful answers, leave me a comment!

Just say no to yo-yo

To everyone on the outside looking in, I am the woman who has it all; tall with natural blonde hair, blue eyes, a great smile, clear skin that makes me look about 3 or 4 years younger then I actually am, a happy marriage, a fruitful career, a close relationship with my family, a large number of close friends, a beautiful house in the burbs, a thriving social life and two wonderful dogs who are more entertaining then anything on television. Yet there is one major thing that causes me to forget everything I have going on in my life; my weight. My long history struggling with my weight is a difficult to discuss and even more difficult to combat. Today, I have decided to come out of the pantry, face my issues and do something about it.

No matter what I achieve or what I do, it always comes back to the intense self-loathing I have because I’m fat. Every few years I am able to muster the strength and determination it takes to fight my weight issue; waging a battle against my natural tendency to be heavy and transform my fleshy curves into muscle, eat well, exercise and dedicate my entire being to becoming thinner. For a brief period of time I am happy with my size, but what it takes to accomplish this feat is intense and overwhelming and the happiness is fleeting. The last time I was able to lose a significant amount of weight, I devoted 20 hours a week to the gym, consumed 800 to 1000 calories a day and avoided social situations that would include food or drinks. While attaining happiness with my size, the real me, the one who enjoys long dinners with friends, full-flavored beer and discovering new cuisine, was missing.

It is hard to avoid food without avoiding friends and family. Food cannot be avoided; we must eat to live and cannot give it up cold turkey. Additionally, our society revolves around food. We meet our friends for dinner, we have doughnuts at work meetings, we have picnics, barbeques and birthday cake; every major and most minor events in our lives are marked by some feast. Food cannot be avoided, so “foodaholics” must learn to live with it and actually form a healthy relationship with food. Not to dismiss what it takes to stop drinking, but I always thought alcoholics are lucky; they don’t HAVE to drink in order to survive. They can avoid consuming alcohol and attending situations where alcohol is present; try that with food.

Obsessing over food is time consuming. Women would take over the world if time was spent on other activities then how to get into a smaller dress size. There are many other things in life to spend time obsessing over and so many causes we can devote our time to; imagine what we could accomplish if the same amount of time spent focused on weight issues was shifted to local or global causes.

Realizing the unhappiness in denying myself the finer tastes of life, the time lost with family and friends and the guilt of focusing on my weight rather then the world causes the “lapses;” eating pizza and hot dogs, ordering the fancy coffee with the whipped cream and avoiding the gym for more time to enjoy life. The pendulum swings and the thin person who avoided friends and family because of the fear in being around food is replaced by a fat person who avoids social situations so no one witnesses them consuming a bag of pretzels dunked into a pint of Ben & Jerry’s. Any Yo-Yo dieter will appreciate the emotional highs and lows that are experienced with the scale; how wonderful it is to be thin but how miserable it is to maintain it. Finding the happy medium, the place where a person is both happy with their size and their life, is a magic place that far too few people ever find. Every weight loss program stresses that diets do not work, that the only thing that works is a lifestyle change. The issue is how easy it is to accept a lifestyle that is conducive to weight loss for a short period of time and how hard it is to change your whole life when the world is not changing around you to allow for the time, energy and support necessary to stay thin.

Through all the times I have lost the same 30 to 60 pounds, I have discovered that losing weight… or maintaining a healthy size, takes just about as much time as having a second job. For those naturally thin, they can’t possibly understand the number of hours a week it takes to lose weight. Not only is there the obvious time commitments that must be allotted to exercise, but planning healthy meals takes longer then throwing non-healthy ones into the microwave. What is easy and saves time is the ability to order take our, grab fast food or pop a pizza into the oven. Much harder is choosing a healthy menu, grocery shopping more frequently to keep fresh produce around and cooking without the aid of rich sauces to add flavor to the blandness that is inherent in healthy cooking. It isn’t a surprise that Emril can make his dishes taste so good. Everything tastes better with butter!

Healthy eating is not only time consuming, it is expensive. The local salad bar has yet to offer a dollar menu. Vegetables are expensive and go bad so quickly that many stop buying them because they perceive them as a waste of money. Check out the advertisements received from grocery stores and notice that the items on sale are usually the unhealthiest things in the store… but who could resist getting 3 gallons of Ice Cream for $1.99? Families on tight budgets are often forced to forego healthy eating so they can just put some food on the table.

Today I embark on my latest journey to lose 30 pounds, one I have started many times before with varying levels of success through crash diets, obsessive calorie counting, pills, exercise bulimia and hypnosis; ultimately resulting in me putting the weight back on. All these changes do not align with work and personal commitments; there is no time to visit the gym 3 hours a day, to weigh every ounce of food I put in my mouth or attend weekly meetings where I talk about my feelings and challenges. I refuse to avoid my friends and family so I can lose a few pounds. Life is too short. Instead of focusing on my weight, I am going to follow a new path and focus on my life. My motivation will come from what my body can do and not what it looks like. My new program will challenge my friends to pick up a basketball rather then a burger and to leave work at a reasonable time to walk the dogs. Inspiration will not be found by fitting in my wedding dress again, but squeezing in an extra lap around the lake; my will to continue pushing myself based upon my desire for a stronger body and not a thinner one. My hope is this new attitude on my body and my life will allow my body to naturally find a size that is healthy and not force it so low that it shuts down or so high that it can’t move. Learning to accept that a body’s natural and healthy weight may not be model thin and instead embracing the power and beauty that is being strong and happy. This could be the magic equation we all need to overcome the yo-yo and find happiness with our bodies and our lives at the same time.

What kind of ice cream am I?

Just in case anyone ever asks "If you were ice cream, what flavor would you be?"

You Are A Pistachio Ice Cream Girl

Funky. Surprising. Wild.

What Flavor Ice Cream Girl Are You?

BBQ Standard Operating Procedure

A little summer humor to kick off Independence Week...

We are about to enter the summer and BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity, as it's the only type of cooking a 'real' man will do, probably because there is an element of danger involved.

When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:

1. The woman buys the food.
2. The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
3. The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.
4. THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.
5. The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
6. The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation.
7. THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.
8. The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.
9. After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
10. Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for making dinner.
11. The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women....

Blizzard of the Month

For those fortunate enough to live in an area with a Dairy Queen, I highly recommend visiting in the next day or two to indulge in June 2007’s Blizzard of the Month; the Caramel Waffle Crisp Blizzard. DQ hails the Caramel Waffle Crisp Blizzard as “a flavorful mix of crunchy, freshly baked waffle cone pieces, rich chocolate chunks and luscious caramel, all blended to perfection with creamy DQ soft serve.” Their marketing does not come close to describing just how yummy this dessert is.

Although you can certainly order this same blizzard in July, when the Blizzard of the Month is the Kit Kat Blizzard, you will not receive the coveted two punches in your Blizzard fan club card. Since I am not a fan of the Kit Kat Blizzard, I will forego the two punches in July and try a new creation that I cannot help but think will be wonderful; Chocolate Covered Strawberry Waffle Crisp Blizzard. I will post in July the results of that ice cream test.

I left my waistline in San Francisco

With some time to kill in San Francisco, I decided to do my own little culinary tour of up and down the Embarcadero. With 11.4 miles of walk planned (3 roundtrips from the Ferry Building to Ghirardelli Square), I felt completely justified eating everything along the way.

Light Caramel Latte from The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf in Ghirardelli Square: Coffee shops that offer drinks in caramel flavors get big points for me, those that have sugar free caramel are in a league of their own. This cup was the perfect way to start my morning without the dose of high calorie beverage guilt that plagues me.

Almond Croissant at the Ferry Plaza Farmers Market: My search for the perfect almond croissant continues; not bad, needed more almond paste and a flakier crust. I only ate half, no need wasting precious stomach space if it does not measure up to Byerly's Almond Kringle or the perfect croissant consumed at a Sydney bakery in 1997.

Strawberries at the Ferry Plaza Farmers Market: Organically grown strawberries were good, but I couldn’t taste the difference from the non-organic strawberries. For $2 more, they should be the best strawberries I ever tasted.

Lamb Sausage at the Ferry Plaza Farmers Market: I died and went to heaven. My favorite tasty animal grilled over an open flame and served on a sourdough bun. The sausage was lightly spiced to let the lamb taste through. Although I wanted the sold out soft shell crab sandwich, I was not disappointed with the replacement.

Lobster Bisque in a Sourdough bread bowl from the Fisherman’s Wharf: Most stands on the wharf had New England Clam Chowder, which I am not a fan of. One stand offered bisque and I was sold. The bread bowl was excellent, and the bisque very tasty but left me wanting more lobster. Honestly though, I always want more lobster.

French Fries from In and Out Burger: Feeling like I’m the only person on the planet without and In and Out Burger experience, I stopped in for fries. After waiting 20 minutes, I asked the woman where my order was to find out they often lose “just fries” orders. Finally getting my fries, I was utterly disappointed. They are very fresh and potatoey, but somewhat bland. Maybe it was because I didn’t eat them with an In and Out burger, or maybe being a coinsurer of fried potato, this was unable to live up to the hype.

Ghirardelli Ice Cream and Chocolate Shop at Ghirardelli Square: The Ghirardelli Café had a longer line then a Space Mountain on a Saturday in July, so I visited the to-go shop and enjoyed my caramel sundae by the bay. Everyone should have a Ghirardelli before they die; smooth ice cream, decadent toppings with a chocolate square on top. I had trouble understanding all the tourists walking around with other ice creams when Ghirardelli has undoubtedly the best sundae on the planet.

As enjoyable as my day eating in the sun was, it is more fun sharing the fine dining with the one you love. A loaf of sourdough from Boudin Bakery, a bottle of red zinfandel from Kokomo vineyards and a bar of dark chocolate from Ghirardelli made the trip back to Minneapolis where I could enjoy a taste of San Francisco with my husband.

The Way I See It…in bed

If you drink Starbucks, or are around people who drink Starbucks, you have been exposed to their “The Way I See It” campaign. The side of every coffee cup displays quotes from a wide variety of people from various walks of life. The original intention of the campaign was not to promote any political agenda, but to encourage dialogue on a variety of topics. Coffee shops around the globe are the houses of thought provoking conversation and personally, I think promoting more conversation in a coffee shop is brilliant; what better way to convince patrons to stay for another cup of java.

Starbucks has come under a lot of fire from groups across the political spectrum for this campaign. Each cup contains the following disclaimer “Please note: The opinions put forth by contributors to “The Way I See It” do not necessarily reflect the views of Starbucks.” This footnote on the cup has not stopped conservative groups from criticizing Starbucks for leaning to the left and promoting a liberal agenda. Some Christian groups have boycotted Starbucks over quotes that promote stem-cell research and support homosexuality. Starbucks’ success in creating a catalyst for conversation through this campaign is evident by the number of hits you get when typing “The Way I See It” and “Starbucks” into any internet search engine and the amount of controversy it has created.

This morning while enjoying my morning venti, I commented to my good friend that even with a few cups of Starbucks a week, I had yet to repeat a “The Way I See It” quote. Rather then engage in a discussion on today’s passage, dissecting the quote and analyzing its inner meanings, we agreed that “The Way I See It” campaign is like a 21st century fortune cookie, and like a fortune cookie, the addition “in bed” at the end of each passage intensifies the enjoyment of the tasty treat. The premise is simple, when sitting down for piping cup of coffee, read “The Way I See It” cup and end the quote with “In Bed.” Warning: Don’t actually drink the coffee when doing this exercise since it is pretty dangerous to shoot hot coffee out your nose.

Fortune Cookie:

• Confucius: Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall… in bed.

Starbucks Coffee Cup:

• Mo'Nique: F.A.T. (Fabulous and Thick) folks know that it’s the extras in life – like pounds, cash and love – that give us character. Embrace the extras, baby… in bed.
• Bonnie St. John: People fall down, winners get up, and gold medal winners just get up faster… in bed
• John Fabian: We live in a limitless world, but if we aim low we’ll surely miss the target… in bed.