Challenger Disaster Remembered

25 years ago today the US Space Program and the people of the United States suffered a major loss when the Space Shuttle Challenger blew up 73 seconds after lift-off. 25 years later I still recall with vivid detail watching the launch from the living room couch. I was ten and home sick from school. I cannot remember if I was sick or “sick;” it is perfectly conceivable that I played sick to stay home and watch the launch. This is something my mother would have let me play sick for because I was obsessed with the Space Program, like so many ten year olds. But unlike many ten year olds I was lucky enough to witness the very first Space Shuttle, Columbia, launch on April 12, 1981 when vacationing with my family in Florida. I remembering the earth literally shaking as the shuttle lifted from the ground and rose to the heavens above. I was not even six yet, but remember distinctively thinking to myself “when I grow up, I want to be an astronaut."

Prior to 9/11, “Where were you when the Space Shuttle Challenger Exploded” was like the “Where were you when JFK was shot” for late Gen-Xers. My sisters, who were also sick, and I were eating chicken noodle soup nestled behind our TV trays and glued to the Price Is Right. Our mother turned the TV to CNN right after the first showcase showdown and the Space Shuttle in all its amazing aerodynamic glory sat upon the launch pad ready for liftoff. In unison the three of us counted down with mission control from 10, 9, 8, 7, 6… the rockets firing and the amazing power of lifting something so large off the ground and into the sky. The sky was clear and with each second the Shuttle appeared whiter and whiter against the sky as it ascended into the deeper, darker blue of the atmosphere.

For someone who had witnessed many of the launches, both in person and on TV, I knew every stage of the process; what happened with each throttle, and when the booster rockets departed ways from the aircraft. I was baffled when the ball of fire engulfed the shuttle and mission control was still talking as if everything was okay. It was so obviously not okay. The CNN commentator when silent, everything was so very quiet and eerie and it seemed like forever before the words I will always remember were broadcast from mission control. “Obviously a major malfunction.” I started to cry, as so many people did. We sat glued to the tv for hours, I remember when the news focused on parachuters descending from the sky, hoping it was possible that crew members ejected themselves from the fiery wreck and then saying it was just a rescuer. After a while hope was gone and we were faced with the reality that 7 Americans gave their lives during the mission.

The Challenger explosion had a major impact on the trajectory of my life. Up until that point, I wanted to study science, become an Astronaut, and fly to space. The reality of the situation hit me like a ton of bricks, my innocence lost. This was no longer a cool job that included space walks, zero-gravity, and funky space suits. This was a dangerous job where people died. It scared me, and it was the first time I ever really thought of and faced my own mortality. Before 11:38 EDT on January 26, 1986 I wanted to be an Astronaut. After that time I didn’t and honestly, still don’t truly know what I want to be when I grow up because no job seems as cool and amazing. I still have a photo of the Challenger crew and sometimes wonder what life would have been like had I not been scared away from my childhood dream job.

I will always remember the exact date of the Challenger disaster not only because it changed my life and desired career path, but because January 28th is my Grandmother’s birthday. Ironically, I will always remember where I was when the Space Shuttle Columbia disintegrated upon reentry to earth. February 1, 2003 was one of the more difficult days of my life. My Grandmother passed away on January 29th, mere hours after her 91st birthday. A few days later we were driving from her funeral church service to the cemetery to lay her to rest when the news hit the radio of the Columbia disaster. Both these events remind me of my old dream to be an Astronaut, and of my beloved Grandmother. I like to believe Grandma and these American heroes are now amongst the stars.

Pick on Someone Your Own Age

It would be unfair to critique how the ladies of 1975 are aging and ignore the gentlemen born in the Year of the Rabbit. It is well documented that as men age they become more distinguished whereas women just get old. I don’t know if one can be distinguished by 32 or 33 years old, however I do know that many of the gentlemen from 1975 are fine specimens of human being; guess that’s why I ended up marrying someone born the same as me!

Besides analyzing looks, it is difficult to ignore the caliber of Hollywood talent the women of 1975 control. Hollywood powerhouses like Charlize Theron, Kate Winslet, and Drew Barrymore win awards and box office dollars. The men of 1975 are less influential in the movies, but certainly dominate ESPN headlines.

Chris Moneymaker: Made famous by the rage of televising poker on cable, this World Series of Poker phenomenon has obviously taken advantage of the free booze and food provided in Vegas to high rollers. On a good day I would guess he’s in his forties, but that’s an insult to all those people in their forties who look years younger than him (and that’s a lot of people). You think staying in the sunless, oxygen controlled environment of a casino would help, but he’s the poster child for avoiding booze, smoke, stress, and buffets.

Alan Iverson: He’s aged poorly and looks so terrible that blogger wouldn’t let me upload the photo. No joke. Go to this weblink to see how all the money in the world can’t counteract aging.

David Ortiz: Maybe he should have stayed in Minnesota where the air is clear, pure, and crisp, but “Big Papi” looks old enough to be my papi.

Matt Hasslebeck: Normally I love bald men, but this Seattle Seahawks Quarterback should consider some sexy facial hair to balance his cue ball cranium. He looks older, but any man whose brother (editor's note: I apologize for originally mixing Tim and Matt Hasslebeck up) married the no-talent, whiny, unintelligent, air-headed blonde Elizabeth Hasselbeck is going to age exorbitantly faster then the rest of the population.

Jamie Oliver: Britain’s celebrity chef, also known as “The Naked Chef,” has lost some of his boyish good looks with age but still looks smashingly young. Perhaps his fountain of youth is found in his commitment to eating fresh, organic meals; I could only hope.

Enrique Iglesias: This singer of Latin and Pop ballads looks about his age, which is a little disappointing as he was hot like fire in the late 90s and early this decade. His signature mole had to be removed due to a skin cancer scare, and he lost a little of his signature style losing the mole. Of course, he could age all he wants and lose half of his face and still be the envy of men worldwide because of his longtime relationship with tennis player Anna Kournikova.

Casey Affleck: Ben’s younger brother, although not as well known, is fast becoming one of the most sought after, respected young men in Hollywood. He looks young now, but with how quickly his brother suddenly started to age is family history going to repeat itself?

Alex Rodriguez: A-rod made many women nationwide pay a little more attention to the national pastime. Early in his career there was no one in sports better looking then this baseball slugger. Playing for the Yankees, with all the media attention, pressure, and sacrifice of personal life that accompanies playing in New York, is aging this poster boy.

Michael Buble: I always thought this baby faced big bang singer was younger due to reviews exclaiming how rare it is for someone so young to have such a mature singing voice.

Tobey Maguire: Spiderman appears much younger than his age of 33; perhaps that spider bite is also the fountain of youth.

Zach Braff: Geeks often age slowly and this actor from Scrubs and Garden State is no exception. His role on Scrubs as an insecure, goofball doctor makes him appear even younger.

Tiki Barber: The former NY Football Giants star and now NFL commentator is hot like fire with a smile that could light the top of the Chrysler Building. I cannot judge whether Tiki looks older or younger because I knew before researching he was the same age as me. We were both seniors in college in 1997 when he and his brother got a photo shoot with the Governor of Virginia… and I was a lowly intern getting them water.

David Beckham: It is a real shame this international soccer superstar is married to such a scary, botoxed Spice Girl; there are so many women more deserving of Becks. First and foremost, soccer players rank very high in the “best athletic body” competition. Then there are the dimples. Unfortunately, David Beckham is a prime example of the early wrinkling that can happen with too much sun exposure. Wear sunscreen on the futbol field Becks!

Tiger Woods: Unarguably one of the best golfers of all time, Tiger Woods is blessed with amazing genes that allow him to spend way too much time in the sun and still look amazingly young. The only reason to think he’s older than his current age of 32 (he’ll be 33 in December) is his amazing success and longevity in the spotlight.

Like Fine Wine

How old do you think she is? This question occasionally comes up when watching television or a movie. Either the person is a long time public figure and still looks great, or is aging before our very eyes. Professional makeup and photographic air brushing create a warped sense of what people should look like at a given age. We watch actors and actresses age gracefully, read countless articles on the forty and fifty fabulous set, and forget that artists and modern technology make it easy to erase years of a person’s face and body. On the flip side we have an up and coming generation of stars and starlets who take the teenage desire to look older to a whole new level with heavy makeup and provocative clothing. With the old looking young and the young looking old, it is increasingly difficult to play the age guessing game and even worse, answer the question “do I look my age?”

Today is my thirty-third birthday, and it is actually much less traumatic then thirty-two. I am old enough to understand how the beauty, fashion, and entertainment industries promote unhealthy and unattainable goals but young enough to still obsess with what I look like. I am old enough to know that airbrushes enhance the cleavage of Victoria Secret models but young enough to hope their bras can still grant the dream of gravity defying boobs. I am old enough to know that Demi Moore, Halle Berry and other “aging” stars have a team of doctors, makeup artists, nutritionists, and photographers working to hide wrinkles and cellulite; but young enough to pray that good genes and excellent skin care will render me a bombshell at any age. I have the age and wisdom to know the games Hollywood play, but have yet to lose the naivety and arrogance to believe the rules of the game actually apply to me.

Whether it is because of a more mature look, the confident swagger that no person in their twenties possesses, a change in body shape, established career, or more classic clothing, there comes a certain point where it is very apparent that you are in your thirties. Thirty-three is around the age where it becomes nearly impossible to pretend you are twenty-nine, no matter how good you look.

To determine how I looked in comparison to other women my age, I searched wikipedia for women born the same year as me; 1975. Some highly esteemed company share my birth year, many are undoubtedly gorgeous, but do they “look their age?”

Heather Chadwell: Bret Michael’s runner up in season one of Rock of Love, currently on I Love Money, is who sparked my curiosity on what women born in 1975 look like. When I say curiosity I really mean “scared the crap out of me and fueled a skin product shopping spree”.

Stacy Ann “Fergie” Ferguson: The Black Eyed Peas singer turned solo artist has a killer body, but her years as a meth addict make her look a bit worn around the edges. Her body is still kicking, but the meth and cocaine diet is not endorsed by the American Medical Association.

Angelina Jolie: One can’t help but look older than their age with six children under their belts. She is a beautiful woman, but did anyone think for a moment think she was only 33?

Melanie Brown: Perhaps it is the stress of a public battle with Eddie Murphy regarding the paternity of their child, but Scary Spice is looking a little scary these days (although not as scary as Posh Spice, Victoria Beckham).

Kimora Lee Simmons: She looks good, but it is hard not to think she’s older due to her ex-husband, Russell Simmons, being 18 years her senior.

Tara Reid: She still parties like she’s in her twenties, but will turn 33 this November. My father used to say “it’s not the age, it’s the mileage” and Tara has certainly put on a lot of miles in her 33 years. She still looks okay despite years of bodily abuse, but plastic surgery can only help for so long before Tara starts looking like Joan Rivers.

Lauryn Hill: All I can say is wow, she used to be so ripped, so gorgeous. 5 kids really can age a person.

Mayim Bialik: Blossom from the show by the same name. She hasn’t changed a bit, she still looks like a socially awkward teenager.

Milla Jovovich: As a super-model she has a leg up on the rest of us mere mortals in the looks department, but her skin seems to be thinning a bit; she looks translucent.

Sara Gilbert: Darlene Conner from Roseanne looks around the same age as me, so do we look 33 or younger then 33? She looks older then her days as a teenage TV star, but is still recognizable.

Natalie Imbruglia: I cannot help but think she had some work, but this music star from Australia, best known for her song “Torn,” is somehow avoiding the sun damage that occurs living in a country with a thin ozone layer. She looks good.

Danica McKellar: Winnie Cooper from “The Wonder Years” is still adorable, and adorable is hard to pull off at 33.

Drew Barrymore: Drew looks fantastic, and the only reason I would think she looks older than 33 is because she’s been around FOREVER. Of course I could be biased; Drew’s Great-Grandmother and my Great-Great Grandmother were sisters or cousins or something like that, making me a fourth cousin twice removed. No matter what the connection, women in my family age beautifully!

Eva Longoria: This Desparate Housewives star is the youngest of the housewives, but does she look as young as 33? I’m torn on this particular starlet, she’s beautiful, married to a much younger man, but something about her eye area makes me question whether she’s really 33.

Charlize Theron: Bitch. No seriously, Charlize is a timeless beauty who will continue to grace magazine covers for decades to come. Part of the beauty is a natural glow and presence that few people possess.

Kate Winslet: Kate looks the same today as she did in Titanic ten years ago. She is somehow comes off as both elegant and down to earth at the same time. Hollywood is always looking for her to lose 10 to 20 pounds, but she maintains her stance that she is a curvy woman and won’t give in to those demands. Her strength in the face of societal pressures makes her more attractive, and me proud to share a birth year with such a buxom beauty.

So there it is; the good, the bad and the ugly ladies of 1975. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder and everyone could have a different opinion on how these women, and I, are aging. Ultimately age is just a number, but there is so much pressure to maintain the looks of a 19 year old that it is a number that is sometimes scary. I’m not 19 anymore, or 29. My laugh lines reveal 30+ years of smiles, crow’s feet disclose decades of deep thoughts, and sun spots show years dancing in the sunlight. Perhaps thirty-three is the age where we start to realize that some people are like fine wine; we only get better with age.

Fertile Land

As a westerner from the “land of opportunity,” I cannot begin to fathom the struggles faced by millions of men, women and children living in impoverished African nations. The efforts people of Africa must exert to obtain the most basic needs for survival make our “issues du jour” seem petty and selfish. On the African continent over 1 million people die every year of malaria, 1.6 million of HIV/AIDS, and unknown numbers killed by violence and war. It is estimated that 6 million people die of malnutrition each year. Around 50% of people have little to no access to clean water, leading to diseases like cholera. Measles takes the life of a child in sub-Saharan Africa each minute of every day.
With all these life-threatening, imaginable problems facing the people of Africa, it is quite surprising that a group of doctors and scientists are busy addressing an issue that is trivial compared to the real needs on the continent; infertility.

Many of us Gen X’s learned of the African plight from the pleading of Sally Struthers from the glow of our television screens, asking us to help feed the children, to give only pennies a day to provide a hungry and malnourished child a chance for survival. Images of children with distended bellies, covered in flies, clinging to their mothers for added strength were haunting and even at a young age helped put our charmed lives into perspective. Decades after those commercials first aired the people of Africa still struggle with the hardships of famine. It hardly seems appropriate to focus on something like infertility when people are still starving across the continent.

Proponents of bringing IVF and other fertility treatments to Africa claim that having children is a fundamental right that should be offered to every person. I could not disagree more with this statement. Food, clothing, shelter, water; these are fundamental rights. It is insulting to focus on something like infertility treatments when millions upon millions of people cannot even get their own basic needs met.

Infertility carries a tremendous social stigma with it in African societies and the pro-infertility treatment camp wants to combat the social stigma issue by helping women get pregnant. Women who are unable to conceive are thought to be witches, and become social outcasts. Unfortunately some women are killed or commit suicide because of their inability to have a child. While it is tragic that women who are unable to conceive in Africa are subject to such horrific treatment, isn’t it far more tragic that water-borne diseases claim a child every three seconds or rape is often used as a weapon of war?

There is no arguing that infertility rates are higher in Africa than the rest of the world and there are many reasons behind that; poor healthcare for women, lack of access to basic needs, exposure to illness, nutritional inadequacies. Only a small number of women will be able to afford the infertility treatments and an even smaller number will have success. Instead of focusing on the infertility problem in Africa, which only benefits those who suffer from infertility AND can afford the treatments AND have success with the treatments, it would be smarter and beneficial to focus on women’s health for all women. Treat the root of what causes African women to suffer from higher rates of infertility in the first place.
No one is looking at ways to shift the social stigma against the infertile. No one is working to give options to women other than childbearing. It is difficult to change social beliefs and perceptions, but if the childfree option is not possible, what if an effort was made to elevate the status of adoption? There is a huge number of orphans throughout the African continent looking for mothers, and apparently a large number of women looking to have children. Seems like a match made in heaven.

Framily Ties

Brought together by the happenstance of sharing DNA we are pretty much stuck with our blood relatives. Disown, ignore, de-will all you want; family is still family no matter how we try to distance ourselves from certain members. The old adage “blood is thicker than water” was drilled into my head as a child and it was made clear nothing should come between me and my family. As I grew older I began to question this proverb when many friendships matured beyond my familial relationships. There is no denying the bond that exists in families, but the Beatles had it right when they said “we get by with a little help from our friends.”

You can pick your friends, allowing a better shot at liking that person over your predetermined family. Family is forever; not necessarily because you like them, but because it’s easier to shake free of an acquaintance if they piss you off. We are forced to deal with a little bit more with family, find a greater level of compromise and acceptance since holiday dinners would be much more uncomfortable otherwise. Unfortunately, many families operate like you have to like each other, be together, and offer help and support just because of the blood relation. People who treat their families like garbage, or who make little to no effort to be a real part of their lives, and expect the family bond to magically flourish because of some shared genes have little to no understanding of how relationships work. If these people treated their friends like they treated their family they would have no friends. Somehow people expect their family to stick around no matter how ill the relationship.

"Friends are relatives you make for yourself."
- Eustache Deschamps

When the going gets tough it is the people who step up to the plate who are important. Some friends and family alike will show their true colors in times of trouble and strife and disappear faster a cold beer on a hot summer day. It is usually a combination of close friends and family who “have your back” when you need them. Regardless of blood relation or not, these closest of bonds are the people we each want to have in our lives. These are the people who would jump in front of a bullet for you, who take your hysterical calls at three in the morning, who you trust with your most precious thoughts and possessions, who are extensions of your very own being.

There is a certain “sweet spot” in any relationship, blood relation or otherwise, where the lines between family and friends blur; when you like your family like they were your friends and love your friends like they are family. These are the family members who you can talk and laugh with until the wee hours of the morning and the friends whose mothers are almost your own. Friends who you couldn’t imagine leaving out of a family event because in your heart they are family, or the family who you send dirty email jokes to because they will laugh like your friends. Regard of last name or background, these are the people we move mountains for.

“A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.”
- Walter Winchell

These special people, “framilies” if you will, are much smaller in numbers than the total number of friends and family we have. This shouldn’t discount the rest of our friends and family, those who aren’t “framilies,” who are still very important people. Life, like a good screenplay, has good cast of characters and some play supporting roles to the lead. We all have friends and family who we value, trust, nurture, but are not in the first “ring” around our hearts; our supporting cast. I personally have a pretty big family, and a huge network of friends, and admittedly, I wouldn’t jump in front of a bullet for all of them. They wouldn’t jump in shark infested waters to save my life either and that’s okay. What is important is ensuring that members of our “framilies” are always put above all else when they need us the most, our script ensures they get top billing. I consider myself most blessed and fortunate to have an amazing tapestry of friends and family who can be classified as “framilies;” my mother, sisters, some cousins and aunts, the husband, extended family, friends from grammar school, high school, college, work, and general life. You all know who you are (and it is many more than the number of photos this page could hold).Thank you for being part of my very soul and the stars in my life story.

Taking the relationship offline

The closest I get to online dating is helping friends find a good match, write an eye-catching profile or recover from a bad date. Having picked up my husband the old fashion way, in a bar, my knowledge of online dating etiquette is quite limited. While our long distance relationship forced us to do a fair amount of “courting” through email, we did not have to wrestle with common online dating dilemmas: who to write, what to say, when to wink, if to take the relationship “off-line”, and how to meet in person. In the past I used to think that online dating was a passing fad, but the large number of my friends navigating the complex world of Match.com, eHarmony, Yahoo! Personals, Chemistry.com, DateMyPet.com, Millionaire Match, and a host of other websites is proving me wrong; online dating is probably the most common dating tool among the tech-set these days. I cannot help but wonder, with the millions of people meeting people online year after year, has the overall rules of dating changed?

It is obvious that how people meet has changed, but ultimately “real” relationships should not have transformed with the onslaught of dating and social networking websites. Whether you met online, in college, at work, through a friend, at the gym, on an airplane, or at a bar, there is a certain point in every relationship that how you met no longer matters. It is at that point that the rules of internet relationships get replaced by the more traditional tenants of any friendship, romantic or otherwise: respect, honesty, trust, loyalty, admiration, understanding, shared interests, and open communication. Unfortunately it seems like these important pillars of strong relationships are forgotten in a technology age where people have “friends” they never meet, and where everyone can all too easily lie about their backgrounds, looks, personality, interests and dreams.

It is easy to develop very casual relationships online and make “friends” on Facebook, MySpace, Multiply or any other social networking site or chat board, but this same casualness with a group of people who might share your love of underwater basket weaving should not change how you handle your flesh and blood friends. When I say handle I mean not replacing meaningful conversations, face-to-face meetings, heartfelt phone calls, and the delivery of important news through impersonal measures like email or, god forbid, text messaging. It is one thing to have an online relationship, but once you have developed a true bond with a person and started seeing, or having sex, with them outside of cyberspace, rules that govern relationships should adhere to the wisdoms of traditional tried and true friendships. It is okay to start a relationship online, but once the relationship develops into something serious it is not okay to end it that way. Breaking up with a friend or lover through email or text shows a lack of courage, respect and character, even if you met over email in the first place. Technology might change the way we meet and connect, but it is so important to remember people are more then profiles and avatars who can be “de-friended” with a click of a button. We must each fight the urge to take the easy way out of hard conversations to ensure a future for what truly keeps humanity together; love and friendship.

Birthday XXXII

Sally: I'm difficult.
Harry: You're challenging.
Sally: I'm too structured, I'm completely closed off.
Harry: But in a good way.
Sally: No, no, no I drove him away, and I'm going to be forty.
Harry: When?
Sally: Someday.
Harry: In eight years.
Sally: But it's there. It's just sitting there like this big dead end.

The first time I watched “When Harry Met Sally,” the classic romantic comedy with Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan, I was 14 years old. I recall watching the film and thinking something along the lines of “Sally is old.” Today marks the day that the thought many years ago of Sally’s advancing age comes back to haunt me. Solving the simple mathematical word problem presented in the script above, Sally had her age breakdown at 32; the same age I turned today.

Meg Ryan’s onscreen breakdown is not the only reason this birthday is a little less sweet then the prior 31. A few weeks ago while on the phone making a chiropractor appointment I overheard one of my coworkers planning his friend’s 21st birthday party. Here I was suffering through unbearable neck pain, the aging process deteriorating my vertebrae, and he was determining which bar to begin the all night binge fest at. When was the last time I partied all night? After years of actually being one of the young ones in classes and at work, a freshmen taking classes with seniors and an associate working side-by-side with partners, I was now a veteran player wondering how I was going to keep up with the rookies on the team.

Being surrounded by people nearly 10 years younger then you has serious side effects. Their very youngness amplifies your own aging process. Being older and wiser is fine, but looking older and wiser sucks. I still look young for 32, but I definitely look older then the new hires and interns with their perfectly smooth, wrinkleless skin and lightning fast metabolisms. The only time I get carded these days is if the dirty old man behind the counter wants to know my name.

My wallowing in self pity will eventually pass and I will begin to appreciate all the wonderful things that are symbolic of being in your thirties. After spending most of your twenties trying to figure out the meaning of your life, you begin actually living that life in your thirties. You appreciate who is important to you, realize what direction your life is going and understand that you will forever be a work in progress. Most have stabilized their careers, their relationships and their living arrangements by their thirties. I welcome being taken more seriously at work and in conversations and enjoy being able to afford extra luxuries in life like surf and turf and exotic vacations that seemed impossible straight out of college.

There is nothing wrong with turning 32 and in the eternal words of the great Frank Sinatra “the best is yet to come,” but I still just can’t help but think that I’m going to be forty… someday…

My Number 1 Hit Me Hard

My sister recently sent me a website developed solely for the cruel purpose of demonstrating just how old those accessing it are. Do you want to feel old too?

One key to understanding how much the world has changed since your birth and how many years have passed by is learning what song was Billboard’s Number 1 hit on the day you were born.
I made my grand entrance into the world with The Bee Gees “Jive Talkin” playing in the background. How about you?

Researchers Cook Up Recipe for a Happy Marriage

What makes marriage work? The Pew Research Center, a self-described nonpartisan "fact tank,” surveyed Americans to discover what they thought the answer to this age old question was. Respondents were given a list of 9 things that people find crucial to a successful marriage and asked if they were very important, rather important or not important at all. The latest results of this study had many surprised and concerned over the outcome and the shift in American opinions on marriage since the survey was last conducted in 1990. How could one study cause alarm on the state of marital affairs in the US?

The biggest surprise of the survey was the increased importance expressed on sharing household chores. While “faithfulness” and “a happy sexual relationship” took the number one and two spot in the rankings of what was very important to a successful marriage, the biggest change in the survey was the rise of “sharing household chores” as very important. However, the study report published on the survey results did not dive into the growth in the importance of sharing chores. Rather then focus on the important message this sends on marital partnerships and the increased equality in relationships, the published report honed in on the decreased number of people who rank children as very important to a successful marriage and public concern over the perceived de-linking of marriage and parenthood.

The research center’s analysis on the decline of children being very important to the success of a marriage is debatable and brings into question how nonpartisan the Pew Research Center actually is, especially with the attention received from conservative groups and organizations like the National Marriage Project, whose co-director Barbara Dafoe Whitehead wrote in her essay "Life Without Children," that "the popular culture is increasingly oriented to fulfilling the X-rated fantasies and desires of adults," "child-rearing values - sacrifice, stability, dependability, maturity - seem stale and musty by comparison," and "the cultural devaluation of child rearing is especially harmful in the American context."

The Pew report, “As Marriage and Parenthood Drift Apart, Public Is Concerned about Social Impact,” poorly interprets a tie to survey results on non-marital child bearing, on successful marriages and the reasons to get married, twisting the results to support the conservative agenda of the National Marriage Project and their discrimination against anyone who does not adhere to their ideals of heterosexual marriages and focus on child-bearing. Removing the conservative spin on the survey yields a different interpretation of the results. A majority of adults actually see believe in marriage before children. The survey also found that nearly 3-to-1 Americans see the main purpose of marriage to find "mutual happiness and fulfillment" rather than "bearing and raising of children” but still place high value on their relationship with children. Essentially, the study and survey results actually support the following:

• Children are not important to a successful Marriage.
• Marriage is important for Children.
• Children are important to People.

The logic applied in the study report incorrectly bridges areas of the survey and gives conservative groups unjustifiable support in their causes. The survey results demonstrate that people still place value on having children; they are just not seen as the center of a successful marriage. Marriage and parenthood are not drifting apart; people are just realizing that defining your marriage through children is not what it takes to be happy and successful, a belief that is central to childfree marriages and those parents who want to maintain a strong relationship even after they are empty-nesters. Our generation is learning from the mistakes of the past; we witnessed first hand what having children to save a marriage, staying married for the sake of the children, deciding to have children when being childfree would be a better personal option and making children the central point in defining a marriage did for past generations. Not only did these actions and attitudes contribute to the level of unhappiness in marriages and the exponential rise of the divorce rate, it also put an unfair burden on children to somehow make their parents marriage work; as if just being a kid is not enough pressure without the added responsibility of being the glue in an adult relationship.

I applaud the public shift in defining marriage as a distinctive and separate connection between people with a purpose other then bearing children and see this change as just what our society needs for stronger, healthier relationships. Let's hope others use the results of the survey more accurately to report on the progress being made in creating equality and stability in marriage through equality and partnership.

You oughta know my opinion

Word has gotten out to Gallup, Harris, Roper, Marlin and every other company on the planet that conducts polls and surveys; I am a willing participant. Whether it is by mail, email or telephone, survey companies find me and I answer them, no matter what the question, regardless of the cause. While the normal response for most is “I’m not interested” or a simple hang up, I actually take the time not because I have it, not because I am all that interested in spending 10 minutes on the phone talking about my shopping habits, or what I listen to on the radio. I take the time because someone in generation X has to, otherwise we won’t have any say in the world.

My decision to begin answering all telemarketers revolves around simple statistics. Generation X, to which I solidly belong to the tail end of, is the smallest generation in the United States. Roughly defined as those born between 1965 and 1977 (although some go as early as 1958 and as late as 1981), Generation Xers are those sandwiched between the Baby Boomers of 1946 - 1964 and Generation Y, also known as the Millennials of 1978 - 1994. Everyone knows the tremendous number of people in the Baby Boomer generation, hence the name. With size comes attention and every company devotes time, energy and money to determining how to gain the interest and wallets of the Baby Boomers. What many do not know is Generation Y is more then 3 times the size of Generation X, almost the same size as the Baby Boomers, making them the next market that companies will target, bypassing Gen Xers all together and muffling our voice on everything from entertainment to clothing to cars. A larger market is more appealing to companies and marketers have already begun to sidestep the needs of Generation X to reach for the Millenials, willing to give up the 30 to 42 year olds, historically a major focus of advertisers, to begin tapping into the next generation.

Other factors go into companies overlooking Generation X. Looking at the patterns over the past 40 years, Gen Xers have lived through some major recessions, the dot-com bust and could remember their parents dealing with the gas shortage and double digit home interest rates. Marketers see this generation as being skeptical to mass marketing and more frugal with their spending due to fear of losing their incomes and other economic worries. Generation X was marked as such because no one knew how to define them; the “latch-key kids” embraced their independence and rapid changes in technology and culture made differences between the early part of the generation and the latter part vast; factors that make it difficult to place a solid classification on the entire demographic. Advertisers and product developers are also dealing with a major shift in the demographic that was unforeseen when members were in their 20s. Dubbed “the slacker” generation for years, no one saw the sudden rise of power and salaries Generation X experienced due the abundance of technical jobs, or the effect low interest rates and other societal factors like September 11 had on the generation “settling down.” Essentially, Generation X went from grunge to 3 car garages overnight and no one in Hollywood or Madison Avenue had time to react to the change. Rather then focus on figuring out what happened and how to re-market, the decision has almost universally been made to just skip to the next set of shoppers, those who embrace consumerism, have been shielded from their parents’ money issues and are more likely to follow what their friends are doing.

Although there is plenty more things to do with my time, I will continue to answer surveys to ensure someone is speaking up for what is set up to be the forgotten generation. We might be a small generation, but if we raise our voices and opinions like fellow Gen Xer Alanis Morissette, we will still be heard.

An Open Letter to Those Under 30

I sometimes lament at how to deal with some of the younger people I've worked with and how they truly expect instant gratification with their job and are adverse to the hard work it takes to move ahead. This generational phenomenon probably has multiple reasons, from parents who gave their kids everything without having to work for it to society that has shunned things like bad grades and repercussions for laziness. Or, are they just a product of the technology revolution. Perhaps this email forward below sheds light on why Generation Y thinks life should come to them easily and are sorely surprised when they aren't CEO of a fortune 500 company by their 25th birthday.

An Open Letter to Those Under 30:
When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning... uphill BOTH ways! And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it! But now that I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia! And I hate to say it but you kids today -- you don't know how good you've got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!! There was no email! ! We had to actually write somebody a letter ... with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week or two to get there! There were no MP3's or Napsters. You wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up!

We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting. If you were on the phone and somebody else called, they got a busy signal...that's it! And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either. When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn't know! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister. We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like "Space Invaders" and "Asteroids" and the graphics sucked wind. You actually had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever. And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died. Just like LIFE!

When you went to the movie theater there was no such thing as stadium seating. All the seats were the same height. If a tall guy or some old lady with a hat sat in front of you and you couldn't see, you were just screwed... plain and simple.

Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 15 channels and there was no onscreen menu and no remote control! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on. Yup... you were screwed when it came to channel surfing. You had to get off your butt and walk over to the TV to change the channel or sit where the little box wired to the TV reached. And there was no Cartoon Network either. You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying? We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little brats. And we didn't have microwaves, you see. If we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove or go build a frigging fire. Imagine that if we wanted popcorn, we had to use that stupid Jiffy Pop thing and shake it over the stove forever like an idiot.

You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled. You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980!

Regards,
The over 30 Crowd