To-Done List

Clinton Inauguration, January 1997

(First Published: 9/2007, Last Updated: 5/2018)One issue with our hectic lives is how much we focus on our everyday to-do lists, feverishly working day in and day out to get things accomplished and forgetting what it actually is we got done. The only time we spend remembering and recording our accomplishments is when it is time to apply to college or write a resume. It is important to have goals to strive for like a 100 things to do before you die list, but it is equally important to reminisce and celebrate everything completed; check off those things on your to-do list and record the unplanned, spontaneous accomplishments. A life to-do list is inspirational; motivating action. A life to-done list is rewarding; a chronicle providing reminders of everything achieved long after the memories become fuzzy and gray. It took months years of talking to friends and family to remember and compile the following list of accomplishments from my first 32 42 years; sad how easily we can forget vacations, concerts, celebrations and life experiences. Hopefully the following “to-done” list (by verb, not date accomplished) will spark inspiration for your to-do list or memories of what you need to record for memoirs:

Attended:

• a wedding overseas
• numerous bachelorette parties in New York City
• Bill Clinton's second inauguration from the VIP section and sat behind Dr. Ruth and in front of Michael Bolton (photo above)
• the Minnesota State Fair
• Jazzfest in New Orleans
• the Cherry Blossom Festival in DC
• the Virginia Wine Festival
• a Polo Match
• a Soccer game in Spain (Real Tenefrie vs. Real Oviedo)
• St. Paul's Winter Carnival
• the St. Olaf Christmas Festival
• Regensburg Dultfest
• Rothenburg Imperial City Festival
• Rhein en Flames
• Oktoberfest in Munich
• Taste of Chicago
• a movie premier and walked the red carpet
• the Minnesota Marriage Amendment signing and party
• numerous Minnesota State Fairs
• Diner en Blanc, Twin Cities

Celebrated:

• Yankees 1998 World Series victory parade in Manhattan
• Christmas in Sydney and Walt Disney World
• Independence Day on the Mall in Washington, D.C., in Disney's Magic Kingdom, in New York City and Philadelphia
• the King's Birthday in Bangkok, Thailand
• New Year's Eve in Paris, Disney World, Sydney, DC, Minneapolis and New York City
• the Statue of Liberty’s Centennial
• Breaking the Snuggie Guinness World Record in Anaheim, California

Cooked:

• Dad’s Tomato Sauce and Beef Stew
• Mom’s Stuffing
• Magnolia Bakery Cheesecake
• James Beard's "Chicken with 40 Cloves"
• in Iron Chef competitions as "Iron Chef Finnish"
• 52 new recipes a year for lots of years

Danced:

• the luau at the Old Lahaina Luau
• at the Waldorf Astoria
• the Flamenco in Madrid
• on top of the bar at Red Rocks West
• at the weddings of too many friends and family members to count
• as an extra in "Spandex, The Musical"

Dined:

• at Boudro's on San Antonio's Riverwalk

  

  A memorable meal with a perfect view in Capri, Italy

• at Emeril's in New Orleans
• Wolfgang Puck’s Chinois in Vegas
• at Ghiradelli's in San Francisco
• at Le Bec-Fin in Philly
• on Pizza at Geno's East in Chicago
• on Beignets at Café DuMonde in New Orleans
• on Cheesesteaks at Geno's, Jim's and Pat's in Philly
• on Eli's Chocolate Dipped Cheesecake on a stick at the Taste of Chicago
• in Lidia’s kitchen at Becco NYC
• on ice cream while sitting on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial (ala In the Line of Fire)
• Cabana Las Lilas in Buenos Aires, Argentina (although La Brigada was much better)
• at the South Beach Food and Wine Festival
• Mario Batali's OTTO Enoteca Pizzeria and Carnevino
• on a meal made by me at a cooking class
• on Pizza and Gelato in Italy
• Dumplings in Shanghai
• Peking Duck in Beijing
• Sichuan Hot Pot in Chengdu
• 1789 in DC



Mai Tai, Honolulu, Hawaii

Drank:

• beer at the Hofbrau House in Munich
• Frosty drinks at Sloppy Joe's in Key West
• Mai Tai's at the Princeville Resort Bar in Kauai and the Pink Palace in Honolulu (photo on right)
• Vodka at The Astoria and Katherine's Palace in St. Petersburg, Russia
• Hurricanes at Pat O'Briens in New Orleans
• my way around the World Showcase in Epcot Center
• wine in Sonoma, California; Willamette Valley, Oregon; Missouri River Valley, Missouri; Hunter Valley, Australia; Marlborough, New Zealand; Mendoza, Argentina
• High Tea at Lady Mendls Tea Salon at New York's Inn at Irving Place
• a Celebrity Cruise ship out of Champagne with friends
• Wine in the homes of two Tuscan Vinters in Italy
• The Beer Trail in Germany
• Scotch in Scotland
• Wine at a vineyard that shares my last name

Experienced:

• true friendships
• driving on the wrong side of the road in Ireland, Thailand, Australia, New Zealand, and Scotland
• delivering the farewell address at the Carle Place High School Class of 1993 Graduation
• delivering the farewell address to over 5000 attendees at the Mary Washington College Class of 1997
• a Cuban Cigar (or two)
• brownies in Amsterdam
• serving as a Capitol Hill, Gubernatorial, and White House intern (before intern became a bad word)
• serving as Class President in High School and College
• serving drinks as a bartender
• living on my own
• asking a stranger out on a date
• toilet papering school grounds
• bonfire and sleeping on the beach
• eating a meal, seeing a movie and taking an overseas vacation… solo
• dating a much older man
• making beautiful music with a violin
• marching half-naked in a gay pride parade
• the very chilly David Letterman studio for a show taping
• flying through the Costa Rican rain forest on a zip line
• riding a mechanical bull
• Zion National Park
• Bryce National Park
• Couscous cooking class in Morocco
• Curling

Hosted:

• Thanksgiving dinner for 18 26
• Royal Wedding Celebrations for William and Harry

Purchased:

• a townhome before my 25th birthday
• a brand-spanking new single family home
• a pair of earrings (or necklaces, my new passion) on every foreign trip
• an authentic Coach purse (and so started the obsession)
• a hot pretzel on Fifth Avenue
• Christmas decorations at the Christkindlmarkt in Munich
• lederhosen 
• my dream car; a purple Jeep Wrangler

Read:

• The Iliad
• Great Expectations
• The Scarlet Letter
• The Pit and the Pendulum
• A Christmas Carol
• The Little Prince
• The Catcher in the Rye
• To Kill a Mockingbird
• The Glass Menagerie
• more books on the politics of the US, England, Germany, Italy, France, The Former Soviet Union and many other countries then anyone ever should

Received:

• my High School Diploma with honors
• my Bachelors Degree in Political Science
• a few promotions
• a big raise (that should remain a to-do as well)
• an ancient Thai Massage at the Wat Po
• a lap dance
• a princess cut engagement ring from a good looking blond (along with the matching wedding band)



Mary Washington Commencement, May 1997

Rescued:

• 2 people from drowning
• 2 dogs from choking
• many lost dogs find their humans
• a stranger from a bad blind date
• people through donating blood

Disney World, 1978

Rode:

• Space Mountain at Walt Disney World, Florida
• Matterhorn in Disneyland, California
• Space Mountain at Disneyland Paris
• Tron at Shanghai Disneyland
• Coasters at Busch Gardens Tampa and Williamsburg
• Coasters at Canada's Wonderland
• Copenhagen's Tivoli Gardens
• Not Shamu Sea World Orlando
• Back to the Future at Universal Studios, Orlando
• Coasters Six Flags Great Adventure and Great America
• The killer rides at Action Park
• Sesame Place
• Chocolate at Coasters Hershey Park
• Coasters at Paramount Kings Dominion
• Little ridesat  Storytown
• The London-Eye
• San Francisco Cable Cars
• The Cyclone and Wonder Wheel at Coney Island
• a Segway through Prague

Saw a ball game at:




Yankee Stadium, September 2001

• Yankee Stadium in New York (old and new)
• Legend's Field in Tampa
• Cooper Stadium in Columbus
• Metrodome in Minneapolis
• Wrigley Field in Chicago
• Fenway Park in Boston
• Oriole Park at Camden Yards in Baltimore
• Coors Field in Denver
• Miller Park in Milwaukee
• Safeco Field in Seattle
• ATT Park in San Francisco
• Rogers Centre (aka Sky Dome) in Toronto
• Veterans Stadium in Philly (RIP)
• Shea Stadium in New York (RIP)
• Angel Stadium in Anaheim
• Target Field in Minneapolis
• PNC Park in Pittsburgh
• Chase Field in Phoenix
• CitiField in New York
• Nationals Ballpark in Washington, D.C.
• Petco Field in San Diego
• MLB All Star Home Run Derby at Target Field in Minneapolis

Saw:

• the Mona Lisa at the Louvre
• Neuschwanstein Castle
• Burg Eltz
• Nightwatch at the Rijksmuseum
• Seurat’s "A Sunday on La Grande Jatte" at Chicago’s Art Institute
• Sunflowers at the Van Gogh Museum
• the Vasa at the Vasamuseet in Stockholm
• exhibits from every Smithsonian
• the Liberty Bell in Philadelphia
• the Hoover Dam
• the grassy knoll from the Sixth Floor Museum in Dallas
• the floating apples at the Museum of Glass in Tacoma
• the Anne Frank House
• Las Mininas at the Museo del Prado in Madrid
• animals at the Bronx Zoo, San Diego Zoo and Central Park Zoo
• the Southern Cross
• Coliseum in Rome
• Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree lighting
• stars arriving on the red carpet for the Oscars in Hollywood
• Fairy Glen in the Isle of Skye
• Pandas in Chengdu, China
• the Terracotta Warriors in Xi'an, China
• the bunkers in Albania

Took in a show:

• Billy Joel, Elton John, Prince, Paul McCartney, U2, Madonna, Tina Turner, Edwin McCain, Dave Matthews, Poison, Warrant, B-52s, Sugar Ray, Mighty Mighty Bosstones, Bare Naked Ladies, Live, Semisonic, Lenny Kravitz, Melissa Ethridge, Bryan Adams, Lady Gaga, Motley Crue, Guns n Roses… in concert
• Matthew Broderick and Sarah Jessica Parker from the front row in Broadway's "How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying" (and Matthew's fly was down half the performance)
• Matthew Broderick on Broadway in "Night Must Fall" (Front row: "I was christened in the spattle of Matthew Broderick)
• Nathan Lane in "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum"
• Donny Osmond in "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat"
• "Beauty and the Beast" at the Kennedy Center
• "Shear Madness" at the Kennedy Center
• Carol Channing in Hello Dolly at the Kennedy Center
• Original Cast Rent on Broadway from the front row
• Oliver on London's West End
• Avenue Q in Minneapolis and London
• Sebastian Bach as Riff Raff in "The Rocky Horror Show" on Broadway
• Sara Bareilles and Jason Mraz in "Waitress" on Broadway
• Tony Shalhoub in "A Band's Visit"
• Cirque Du Solei's O and Zumanity
• a ballet and a show at The Sydney Opera House
• Alton Brown and Anthony Bourdain Live

Skated:

• Northshore Inline Marathon (5 times)
• Wolman Rink in Central Park



Sydney, Australia, December 2006

Stayed at the:

• Grand Hotel Intercontinental Paris
• Hotel Westbury in Dublin
• Hotel de la Reconquista in Oviedo, Spain
• Sydney Hyatt (photo on right)
• Jefferson Hotel in Richmond
• Opryland Hotel in Nashville
• Hotel DuPont in Delaware
• Grand Cypress in Orlando
• Cavalier in Virginia Beach
• Park Hyatt Los Angeles in the Penthouse Suite
• Hotel Del Coronado
• New York Marriott Marquis
• Buenos Aires Palacio Duhau
• Opreyland Hotel
• Castle Hotel Auf Schoenburg
• Desert Luxury Camp in the Sahara
• Li River Resort in China

Survived

• being rear ended at a high speed
• my car rolling into a ditch
• being hit by a 40MPH car as a pedestrian
• falling out of a moving car when I was 4 1/2
• being dropped on my head as an infant (darn cousins!)
• learning to drive on a stick shift
• a broken heart
• getting 2 puppies through potty training
• picking up and moving half way across the country
• Mary Washington's Politics of the Soviet Successor States
• a rave in Pamplona, Spain
• my 10 year High School and College reunions
• my 15 year College reunion
• my 20 year High School reunion
• my 20 year College reunion
• NYC Flying Trapeze School
• sinking a jeep on a Mexican beach
• hitchhiking in Mexico
• Costa Rica Zip Line Tour
• Zip Line over the Mississippi River
• blind dates
• Alcatraz
• being laid off
• The Tough Mudder
• Memorial Day Murph
• air pollution in China
• eating street food in Marrakesh 
• Padleboard pub crawl

Swam:

• Atlantic, Pacific and Indian Oceans
• Mediterranean and Adriatic Seas
• the University of Mary Washington fountain
• in the Caribbean on horseback
• under a waterfall
• on a deserted beach on Ko Phi Phi, Thailand

Traveled:

• in a European Sleeper Car
• in a Chinese Sleeper Car
• on the Maid of the Mist at Niagara Falls
• Kauai’s Waimea Canyon by Helicopter
• to the floor of the Grand Canyon by helicopter
• Australia’s Great Ocean Road to see the Twelve Apostles
• the Baltic on a cruise ship
• first class
• down Abbey Road barefoot
• by private car through Mendoza wine country in the Andes foothills
• through the Panama Canal
• 125 MPH on the Autobahn in the driver's seat
• Route 66 through the desert in a convertible
• On a camel through the Sahara



St. Petersburg, Russia, August 2005

Visited 40 Foreign Countries:

• Canada
• Mexico
• Spain
• France
• Luxembourg
• Germany
• England
• Australia
• Netherlands
• Thailand
• St. Lucia
• Ireland
• Denmark
• Sweden
• Finland
• Russia (photo to left)
• Estonia
• Norway
• Aruba
• Bahamas
• New Zealand
• St. Martin
• Puerto Rico
• Belgium
• Argentina
• Honduras
• Costa Rica
• Panama
• Columbia
• Cayman Islands
• Italy
• Vatican City
• Austria
• Czech Republic
• British Virgin Islands
• Croatia
• Albania
• Scotland
• China
• Morocco

Visited 34 US States (and DC):

• Alabama
• Arizona
• California
• Colorado
• Connecticut
• Delaware
• Florida
• Georgia
• Hawaii
• Illinois
• Indiana
• Iowa
• Kentucky
• Louisiana
• Maryland
• Massachusetts
• Michigan
• Minnesota
• Missouri
• Nevada
• New Jersey
• New York
• North Carolina
• Ohio
• Oregon
• Pennsylvania
• South Carolina
• Tennessee
• Texas
• Utah
• Virginia
• Washington
• West Virginia
• Wisconsin

Visited the top of the:

• Eiffel Tower
• Empire State Building
• Arc d'Triumph
• Sydney Harbour Bridge
• CN Tower in Toronto
• Sky Tower in Auckland
• Space Needle in Seattle (photo below)
• Washington Monument
• John Hancock Building in Chicago
• Statue of Liberty
• Jefferson National Expansion Monument (aka, the Gateway Arch)
• St. Paul’s Cathedral in London
• St. Peter's Church in Munich
• Chitzen Itza Pyramid
• Great Wall of China



Seattle, Washington, July 2006

Witnessed:

• the Northern Lights from an airplane
• three Space Shuttle launches (including the first)
• the Changing of the Guard at Arlington National Cemetery, Buckingham Palace and Stockholm's Royal Palace
• a Volcano Eruption
• Cal Ripken not play a ballgame on September 20, 1998, ending his consecutive games streak
• the sun rise and set over both the Atlantic and the Pacific
• friends become one of the first Gay couples in Minnesota to marry
• a total solar eclipse
• the Women's March on Washington 2017
• Prince Memorial Street Party on First Avenue in Minneapolis the night of his death

Won:

• the second grade spelling bee
• a few creative writing awards
• high school shot put and triple jump medals
• a jalapeno eating contest
• an arm wrestling competition
• wadE’s heart, said yes, and "I do"

Top Eleven Things I Learned in 2011

• I could switch jobs and still be very good at what I do for a living.
• Avis disables the Four-Wheel drive on their Jeeps in Cozumel, Mexico.
• Champagne Sabering is just about the coolest way to open a bottle of alcohol.
• Nothing brings 60,000 people together like a good concert in the pouring rain.
• No matter how many body builders and athletes I meet the strongest person I know is my two-year-old niece.
• “Boy push-ups” aren’t just for boys.
• 175 pounds of lean muscle is smaller and sexier than 169 pounds of flab.
• A dog’s Achilles tendon is called the Superficial Digital Flexor.
• Dogs can have Orthopedic Surgeons, Physical Therapists, Acupuncturists, and durable medical equipment.
• The most beautiful words in the English language are, “it’s benign.”
• You are never too old to make new friends.

Challenger Disaster Remembered

25 years ago today the US Space Program and the people of the United States suffered a major loss when the Space Shuttle Challenger blew up 73 seconds after lift-off. 25 years later I still recall with vivid detail watching the launch from the living room couch. I was ten and home sick from school. I cannot remember if I was sick or “sick;” it is perfectly conceivable that I played sick to stay home and watch the launch. This is something my mother would have let me play sick for because I was obsessed with the Space Program, like so many ten year olds. But unlike many ten year olds I was lucky enough to witness the very first Space Shuttle, Columbia, launch on April 12, 1981 when vacationing with my family in Florida. I remembering the earth literally shaking as the shuttle lifted from the ground and rose to the heavens above. I was not even six yet, but remember distinctively thinking to myself “when I grow up, I want to be an astronaut."

Prior to 9/11, “Where were you when the Space Shuttle Challenger Exploded” was like the “Where were you when JFK was shot” for late Gen-Xers. My sisters, who were also sick, and I were eating chicken noodle soup nestled behind our TV trays and glued to the Price Is Right. Our mother turned the TV to CNN right after the first showcase showdown and the Space Shuttle in all its amazing aerodynamic glory sat upon the launch pad ready for liftoff. In unison the three of us counted down with mission control from 10, 9, 8, 7, 6… the rockets firing and the amazing power of lifting something so large off the ground and into the sky. The sky was clear and with each second the Shuttle appeared whiter and whiter against the sky as it ascended into the deeper, darker blue of the atmosphere.

For someone who had witnessed many of the launches, both in person and on TV, I knew every stage of the process; what happened with each throttle, and when the booster rockets departed ways from the aircraft. I was baffled when the ball of fire engulfed the shuttle and mission control was still talking as if everything was okay. It was so obviously not okay. The CNN commentator when silent, everything was so very quiet and eerie and it seemed like forever before the words I will always remember were broadcast from mission control. “Obviously a major malfunction.” I started to cry, as so many people did. We sat glued to the tv for hours, I remember when the news focused on parachuters descending from the sky, hoping it was possible that crew members ejected themselves from the fiery wreck and then saying it was just a rescuer. After a while hope was gone and we were faced with the reality that 7 Americans gave their lives during the mission.

The Challenger explosion had a major impact on the trajectory of my life. Up until that point, I wanted to study science, become an Astronaut, and fly to space. The reality of the situation hit me like a ton of bricks, my innocence lost. This was no longer a cool job that included space walks, zero-gravity, and funky space suits. This was a dangerous job where people died. It scared me, and it was the first time I ever really thought of and faced my own mortality. Before 11:38 EDT on January 26, 1986 I wanted to be an Astronaut. After that time I didn’t and honestly, still don’t truly know what I want to be when I grow up because no job seems as cool and amazing. I still have a photo of the Challenger crew and sometimes wonder what life would have been like had I not been scared away from my childhood dream job.

I will always remember the exact date of the Challenger disaster not only because it changed my life and desired career path, but because January 28th is my Grandmother’s birthday. Ironically, I will always remember where I was when the Space Shuttle Columbia disintegrated upon reentry to earth. February 1, 2003 was one of the more difficult days of my life. My Grandmother passed away on January 29th, mere hours after her 91st birthday. A few days later we were driving from her funeral church service to the cemetery to lay her to rest when the news hit the radio of the Columbia disaster. Both these events remind me of my old dream to be an Astronaut, and of my beloved Grandmother. I like to believe Grandma and these American heroes are now amongst the stars.

2011 New Year's Resolutions

Unlike most of the population, I am a New Year’s Resolution person who remembers their resolution well past January 2. This wasn’t always the case. For many years I made the same resolutions with the same poor results. I always vowed to lose twenty pounds or stop biting my nails. 364 days later I’d be celebrating New Year’s Eve with short nails and a big bottom. A few years ago I had the opportunity to work with a wellness coach who exposed my resolutions for what they were; vague, unmanageable, intangible, and unrealistic. My resolutions were admirable, but I kept setting myself up for disaster without the right tools for success.

The tool I was given was the concept of SMART goals; Specific, Measurable, Actionable, Relevant, and Time-bound. 3 years later I’m down over 30 pounds, have visited several new countries, and spend more time with my spouse (admittedly, I still bite my nails). Each goal has to be something I can take action on, measure that action (I’m a check-list/spreadsheet kind of girl myself), and have someone hold me accountable for. Rather than set a goal of losing 20 pounds, I set a goal of losing 10 pounds through exercising X number of days per week, and cutting back on my social drinking. As anyone knows me can attest, I haven’t done very well with any resolution focused on writing more but it’s a new year and time to try once again to become a better person mentally, physically, and emotionally and share the journey with you.

Goals: What do I want to accomplish this year?

• Career: Attain a new job. This might not happen this year but I need to start taking steps on taking my career to the next place/level.
• Finance: Become more financially responsible. I’m awful at finances. I have no debt, but I have no savings beyond the retirement stuff I can’t touch. I’m 35 now, time to get my finances in order.
• Health: Lose 10 Pounds. This is a stretch goal. I’m at the last 10 and understand it will come off slower. It’s also not 100% necessary, I only need to lose 5 to have a “normal” BMI.
• Health: Practice Preventative Care. Everyone should make this a goal, catching health issues early is the best way to stay healthy and alive.
• Home: Organize Home. We’ve been in our casa for nearly 6 years and there is still so much to make it run smoother, happier, and be ours.
• Personal Growth: Keep growing. I like being smarter, having new experiences, being more well-rounded. I think it makes me a better person.
• Relationship Be a better wife and friend.

2011 New Year’s Resolutions: How I plan on accomplishing my goals.

1. Update Resume by 3/31/2011 (Completed by 1/15/2011)
2. Interview for another job by 6/30/2011 (Completed by 1/14/2011- New Job 4/18/2011)
3. Do not buy anything from China or India in 2011 (rationale: it’s usually cheap shit I don’t need)
4. Save $4000
5. Practice an average of four AFDs per week (208 for year)
6. Workout at least 260 days this year with a minimum of 225 group fitness classes
7. Spin at least 1.75 times per week (91 for year)
8. Resistance train (Yoga, CORE, Strength) 2 times per week (104 for year)
9. Conduct Self Breast Exam one time per month (12 for year)
10. Have Yearly Medical Exam (Completed 2/17/2011)
11. Hang Hallway Portraits
12. Paint Dining Room (current color = gross)
13. Paint and Organize Garage
14. Learn Backgammon
15. Read 12 Books (2 Career Related)
16. Take 1 Photography Class
17. Write 12 Full-Length Blog Articles (52 is just way too demanding)
18. Call Long-Distance Friend 2 times per month (24 for year)
19. Go on in-town date with Wade one time per month (12 for year)
20. Romp in the Hay at least twice a week (104 for year) (Been married almost 10 years and must make sure we stay atop each other's priority lists)

2010 Resolutions: I had them, didn't write about them (really bad adhereance to writing resolutions). I worked out, I added a new continent to my passport, I finished painting the interior of the house, I didn't save money, write enough, or sadly, have enough romps in the hay.

2009 Resolutions

2008 Resolution Recap

2007 Resolution Recap

2007 Resolutions

Memorable Meals

It is estimated we spend 7 years of our life eating. For those of us who love and savor our food, that estimate is probably low. Out of the 60,000+ meals we will each consume in the average lifetime, how many do you remember? Most of us can’t remember what we ate last night let alone years ago, but even as time passes and years blur together certain meals make a lasting impression on us. These meals are often memorable not just because of the food, but the friends, stories, and experience behind the meal. Smell and taste serve as excellent reminders of a point in time, an experience, a pivotal moment in our lives. As a self-professed foodie I can recall many “food moments” because a good dinner is just as memorable as seeing a concert or Broadway show. The list below is a snapshot of my memorable meals. Some were remarkable because of the food, but most were memorable because of the senses the meal satisfied other then taste.

Ivy Cottage “Risotto of the Day” Seafood Risotto
My mother, sister Renee’, and I decided to enjoy the process of choosing a bridal shower location and visited several local restaurants for a glass of wine and a shared appetizer. This allowed us to assess the service and experience the food. We sat at the bar at the Ivy Cottage and ordered a bowl of Seafood Risotto with 3 spoons. After taking a bite we each had the same physical reaction; we placed our spoons down in utter amazement and let the flavors envelop us. While the Ivy Cottage didn’t win our shower business (too small for our group) it did win a place on this list.

Manny’s Scallop Benedict
Perfectly seared scallops, salty bacon, and creamy hollandaise sauce; what more can you ask for in an appetizer?

Cinderella’s Royal Table Beef Barley Soup
Soup is among my top comfort foods and is a staple in my diet. We frequently visited family in Florida and never missed an opportunity to see Mickey Mouse and his friends. After a long day of running from line to line we would have dinner in Cinderella’s Castle and the first course was always the thickest beef barley soup served in a pewter bowl. I hold that soup as the standard for beef barley and have yet to find another that matches its flavor.

Umberto’s Sausage Pizza
Umberto’s of New Hyde Park is one of the last pizza joints in NY who hasn’t messed around with their recipe to save a buck. The crust is perfect for folding the pizza and eating it like a New Yorker. The sauce is rich, thick, fresh, and not over sweet, and the toppings plentiful. I don’t often make it to Umberto’s because Alfredo’s of Westbury is closer and nearly as good, but I will always remember the pizza and Italian food served at our Rehearsal Kegger, er, I mean "Dinner" the night before our wedding. The food at our wedding at The Harbor Club was to die for (the Long Island Seafood Bisque was amazing, but unfortunately the only thing the bride and groom had time to consume that evening). We had plenty of time the night before our wedding to relax with our family and out of town guests and savor the tastes of a fine pizza pie.

Lamb Burgers at St. Leonard’s Vineyard Cottages
Idyllic weather, gorgeous location, amazing company, fresh and local ingredients, and perfectly paired wines transformed an evening meal at a bed and breakfast into a night I will never forget. After a long day visiting the wineries of New Zealand’s Marlborough region my husband and I decided to hit the grocery store and take advantage of the grill outside our cottage (technically the stables if you are interested in visiting these accommodations). The lamb was full of flavor and perfectly seasoned with rosemary, salt, and pepper, served atop a freshly baked bun with tzatziki. Just thinking of that meal I shared with my husband overlooking the countryside makes me smile.

Café Runtz Pork Roast with Sauerkraut
Parisians take their food very seriously; even a one star restaurant serves meals to write home about. Not that Café Runtz is a hole in the wall, but it is a very modest establishment and not mistaken as one of the city’s glitzy and glamorous restaurants. Serving specialties from the Alsatian region of France, the German influences on the food make the meal a much hardier affair then the smaller dishes in many cafes. The Pork Roast melts in your mouth and the sauerkraut is expertly prepared to complement the meal rather than overpower it. If you are visiting Paris make a point to visit this restaurant; you will not be disappointed.

The Natural Resort in Ko Phi Phi
I can’t remember what we ate, but nonetheless this was a meal I will always remember for the setting. Ko Phi Phi is a remote island off the coast of Thailand and we stayed in a little bungalow at The Natural Resort. One evening the wait staff set a private table down on the beach right on the waterline for us, complete with candles and tiki torches for mood lighting. The servers anticipated our every need and went about their business virtually unnoticed, leaving us to focus completely on the moment. Whether we had the Pad Thai or the Thai Dumplings doesn’t really matter; no meal will ever top the romance factor of that dinner on a beach in the middle of no where.

Amy’s Café Paella, Leicester Square Market, London
I don’t know if it was at Amy’s Café or if it was just a stand set up outside the café, but we entered the market and could almost taste the paella in the air. Head downstairs at the market and don’t be shy to order the large size. My husband and I could argue about the best paella ever (the now closed Café Havana in Minneapolis being his favorite) but the paella in the Leicester market is not only delicious, it will be fondly remembered as a dish enjoyed while sitting on the ground that saved me and my friends from an impending hangover disaster.

Coin de Mer Mussels Gratin
Upon entering the Coin de Mer in Brussels, Belgium we began thinking we might be suckers who walked into the first restaurant that offered us a free drink on the Rue Des Bouchers (aka Beenhouwers Straat). Our fears were quickly diminished upon the arrival of a tray of mussels under a sea of molten cheese; two of my favorite things! The rest of the meal (consisting of more mussels!!) was incredible, but nothing compared to that tray of cheesy goodness.

Amy’s Flank Steak with Tarragon Potatoes
My friend Amy has a signature dish, one that she expertly executes for her friends and family. The meal is simple but delicious, but these dishes are remarkable because they are always eaten with a glass of fine wine in a room filled with the chatter and laughter of loved ones.

Sunday Dinner at Grandma and Grandpa’s House
My Grandfather made meatballs with so much garlic and onion that even those with the most iron constitutions would suffer indigestion. Grandma usually served pasta swimming in tomato sauce with a side of ricotta cheese (cavatelli my favorite). Crusty Italian bread accompanied the meal for slopping up the sauce or making meatball sandwiches. This same meal, with some variation on the pasta course, fed my body every Sunday for the better part of my childhood. Through the years I have managed to recreate those meatballs (secret ingredients: paprika and lard) and even managed to perfect the tomato sauce (gravy to those of us with Italian roots). But alas the meal was special not just because of the food served, but because the fun we had playing games, laughing, and spending time with our family. It makes me sad to think how little people appreciate the importance of a slow, traditional meal with their family; I would not be the same person I am today without these Sunday dinners.

Dad’s Beef Stew
Loosely based off of James Beard’s Beef Bourguignon recipe, this meal was a winter staple in the Trombetta household. My sisters and I would help Dad by peeling potatoes and carrots and dumping them practically whole into the broth to simmer for hours and hours and hours. This soup that eats like a meal is best served by the crustiest loaf of bread from Cardinali Bakery in my hometown. I told my father all I wanted for a wedding gift was the recipe and I have tweaked it slightly to make it my own (change number 1: actually cutting the vegetables to bite size!).

Mom’s Thanksgiving Stuffing
American Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays and much of that is because it is the one meal a year where my Mother opts to cook rather then call for takeout. Every stop is pulled out and it is an amazing meal shared with our family complete with well over 10 different dishes. The standout dish on the table for me is the stuffing (aka dressing). Mom inherited the recipe from her mother and it is not only delicious but is responsible for a few family members being born right after the holiday (can gas build up actually blow a kid out?). There have certainly been other memorable Thanksgivings in my life. A 5 star chef in Luxembourg cooked an elaborate American Thanksgiving meal for me and my co-workers since we were away from home (and not remembering the name of this fine establishment started my habit of taking a photo of the sign of every restaurant I eat at on vacation). I once celebrated Thanksgiving in Sydney, Australia with a meal consisting of nothing but pie. Last year I hosted a gourmet Thanksgiving for 24 with my husband and Amy. However, nothing beats giving thanks with my family over a plateful of Mom’s stuffing.

Wade’s Chili
My husband’s chili is never the same twice but it is always delicious. Sometimes he uses buffalo, sometimes beef, but his absolute best batch ever was completely vegetarian. My sister visited us and wanted to taste some of this award-winning chili but didn’t eat meat. Wade took time to read every single ingredient and make a completely meat and fish free batch. The chili is award winning and disappears so quickly my Mother gifted Wade with an 18 quart slow cooker so he could make larger batches!

The Food Network ran a special on favorite foods which sparked the interest in writing on this topic (as my husband references in his “The Best Thing I Ever Ate” article). To me favorite food and favorite meal are two totally different things. My favorite food is subject to a different set of criteria than my favorite meal. A favorite food is something that one never tires of, can be eaten every day, and is always satisfying. If someone asks the question “If you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be” the answer would probably not be some random food item from a meal on some vacation but something both satisfying and familiar. My favorite meals above range from simple to somewhat elaborate, but my favorite food is something so basic almost every American child (barring an allergy) has subsisted on it at one time or another; the peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Organic, natural, smooth peanut butter. Strawberry or blueberry preserves. Whole wheat bread. Delicious!

Losing my Religion

Holidays are a time to gather family to eat a fine meal, connect, and create lasting memories. Religious holidays are often the reason for formal family gatherings, filled with time honored traditions that are passed down from generation to generation. Some of my most vivid childhood memories took place at my Grandmother’s or parent’s dining room table during these holiday celebrations and I attempt every year to bring that magic to my own home when hosting. The one holiday we consistently host every year, not splitting between Minnesota and New York is Easter; my obligation to travel home for Easter ended during college. We love entertaining and hosting family and friends for Easter brunch but the irony of this being “our holiday” doesn’t escape me. Easter is, even with the advent of the bunny, a very religious holiday and I don’t believe in the reason for this season.

For several of my formative years I was dragged kicking and screaming to a “megachurch” with so many members it required large movie screens so the back row wouldn’t miss the three hours of worship. Followers prayed out loud, threw their hands up to God, and supported the preacher and his brood of children through weekly offerings. I would not be surprised if snake appearances and people fainting in the aisles actually happened, but they kept that stuff away from Sunday school area. Even in my youth I was clever enough to see through the smoke and mirrors of this cult. The “leaders” used unhealthy tactics to keep people coming and giving week after week; making the congregation feel guilty about their thoughts, uneasy with their bodies, disempowering their ability to learn, think, feel and believe in themselves. This wasn’t faith, it was a money making business, and the business plan included preying on people who had no faith in themselves and making everyone feel terrible so they needed “healing.” In bible school we learned to love our neighbors but hate non-believers and gays. We learned that we were all beautiful in the eyes of God, but men were more important in his eyes. Upon declaring I didn’t want children, I was told there was something wrong with me and I needed healing because women were put on earth to make more disciples. Needless to say this experience left me very cynical about organized religion and more then a little battered by their belittling, sexist teachings. Through the years I returned to the denomination I was baptized under, Lutheranism, but often attend not for the word of God but for the music; where else can you get a good performance for a tax-deductible donation?

This disdain, fear, and suspicion of organized religion led me to look at the world of religion from a magnifying lens. Studying political science after attending a cult-like church only deepened my cynicism of organized religion, examining social conservatism’s heavy reliance on the relationships between politicians and religious leaders. Those seeking power throughout history often used religion to achieve political objectives. Church services became a strong campaign medium, promoting candidates and causes through the exploitation of faith. “What Would Jesus Do” morphed into “Who Would Jesus Vote For” and congregations nationwide faced the ultimate peer pressure from their church to conform politically. “Followers” learned that that voting differently then their church leadership was an act against God. A few church leaders were so vocal from the pulpit about their political standings they were charged with violating the terms of their church tax-exempt status.

Separation of church and state is a nice idea in theory, but governments rely heavily on religious organizations to teach and enforce a code of morals and ethics. Even the most secular societies recognize religious holidays, encourage worship attendance, promote religious donations through tax-deductions, and support faith based volunteerism; religion is a tool used to maintain a happy, healthy, and reliable population. Religion teaches lessons like “thou shalt not kill,” “love thy neighbor as thyself,” and “forgive those who sin against you” but it is society as a whole, therefore government entities, who benefits from basic moral lessons. Religion is used as a means of enforcing order, law, and control in chaotic societies. Throughout time government, rulers, dictators, and other leaders recognized the power of religious faith; often people who would rebel against political leadership would blindly follow their religious leaders. Naturally many politicians and preachers recognized the benefits of combining forces; politicians get more votes and a better behaved populace, churches get tax breaks, attendance laws, and greater recognition.

There are plenty of churches and teachers that are true to God’s word, uninfluenced by political agenda, but my struggle with organized religion includes the historic interpretations and writings. I don’t know whether the Bible, or any other books like the Torah, Qur’an, or The Book of Mormon, is truly “holy.” Did messages get lost in translation, misinterpreted in a “game” of scripture telephone? Are holy scriptures more a reflection of the writers’ beliefs than divine message? Have we taken fictional literature and declared them God’s word? Were the messages in any or all these holy books manipulated to serve the political and social needs and beliefs of the very humans writing the verses? Our cultural rules of “polite conversation” and “don’t discuss religion and politics” make it nearly impossible to engage in any intelligent conversation on these difficult questions; it’s much easier and less volatile to discuss celebrity gossip.

People can say I’ve lost my faith or that I am a heathen but I’m not alone. According to recent data nearly 25% of American Christians and 60% of American Jews question the existence of God. 70% of Americans with a religious affiliation think salvation can be found in a variety of religions and not just the one they practice. Churches are closing in record numbers and many churches face decreased attendance and an aging population. Many churches now close on Christmas, unable to draw in people who are too busy opening up their Santa presents. Practicing Catholics and Evangelicals are often at odds with church teachings on birth control, abortion, women’s rights, homosexuality, and pre-marital sex. Muslims and Jews often eat bacon, forbidden by both religions. More and more people pick-and-choose what they believe in; practicing the parts of religion they like and leaving the rest on the table. I just happen to be on a very strict diet when it comes to organized religion.

This week I celebrate Easter even if that makes me a hypocrite for questioning whether I believe Jesus was the son of God or his ascension into heaven. I consider myself a spiritual person despite my skepticism of recognized world religions. I do believe in a higher being and she is not too happy with how we humans have distorted and manipulated her teachings or planet. I believe in not one but many higher spirits that would be more pissed at how we rape our soil, overpopulate our land, pollute our water, torture our creatures, discriminate, and hate than eating meat on Fridays during lent. This Easter Sunday I celebrate the changing of the seasons and pray to the gods above that our earth continues to provide the bounty on my family table. I applaud the Lutheran Church and the University of Minnesota's Eco-Palms program; ensuring leaves used for Palm Sunday, for a growing number of churches, were harvested in an environmentally sensitive manner by workers getting paid a fair price. I am thankful to those churches that promote acceptance and togetherness, organize their communities, promote volunteerism, and deliver services for the greater good. I thank the heavens above for providing me with the strength, will, intelligence, and determination to succeed in my “chosen” profession. I give thanks for the family and friends who provide me love, support, guidance and remind me of what is important in life. Most of all I celebrate living in a country where I can question its religious and political leaders without fear of persecution or crucifixion.

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Summary from my “Facebook 25”
23. I am not religious. I celebrate religious holidays because of tradition and family togetherness, not because of the true meaning of the day. Christmas for me is a celebration of winter. Easter is a celebration of spring. I (occasionally) attend church because it is a place to listen to cheap, beautiful live music. If there is a higher being then I think there is more than one required to do all the work required of higher beings. I guess this technically makes me a neo-pagan for those who must put me in a neat little religious box.

Background Check List

Statistically speaking age at the time of marriage is the number one factor in measuring how long the union will last. Those who get married very young are more likely to see the inside of divorce court then those who wait until their mid-twenties and beyond. Social scientists indicate a number of reasons why the age people get married is such an important factor in success; education, stability, and maturity just to name a few. Every 18 year old thinks they belong to the mature adult club, but they are missing the life lessons that can only come from navigating the complex world of personal relationships. Meeting new people, surviving a breakup (romantic or platonic), living on our own, learning new skills, and travel are just some ways we learn more about ourselves and others on our path to personal fulfillment. It is thought that those who marry too early in their inter-personal maturity cycle miss out on key developments necessary to figure out what and who really matters to them in life. We learn about ourselves and our needs from each person we interact with. I am not a relationship expert or accredited social scientist, but in hindsight it is interesting to analyze my own relationships and what I learned about myself and the world from dating trial and error.

Even if you only watched one talk show episode in your entire existence you more than likely heard the following phrase uttered by a woman scorned; “but I love him.” These four words are often muttered out of the mouths of women who are trying to defend the reasons they stay in an awful and physically or emotionally abusive relationship. He stood me up on a date but I love him. He cheated on me but I love him. He got another woman pregnant but I love him. He beat the crap out of me but I love him. Women who utter these words have no self-respect nor have they learned an important maturity lesson; you can love someone deeply and profoundly and not have a successful relationship or marriage with that person. This lesson applies to more then just the obvious bad relationship signs of abuse and infidelity. It might sound completely unromantic to those who have not “been around the block a few times” but the Beatles were wrong; love isn’t all you need. It is possible to fall in love with someone but still not have the elements necessary for a lifetime commitment. Understanding more about yourself, your goals, and your needs and how they conflict with a person is necessary to know when to walk away from an otherwise good relationship. Too many women (and men) stay in a relationship (or get married) to the wrong person because they are comfortable, stable, and ignoring the subtle signs of doom. Even worse, we often think the conflicting behavior, opinion, or attitude will change over time; people rarely change. Learning this lesson is eye opening but frightening. When it comes to relationships we cannot always trust our heart but we must listen to our head.

Warning signs are ever present during bad dates and in bad relationships, but we often don’t recognize those signs until it is too late. The sound of our brain screaming “no” to pursuing or continuing a relationship is undeniably muffled by the heart screaming “yes.” Our hearts lie to us when we are lonely, depressed, bored, or feeling a little desperate. Common sense is the first thing thrown out the window in affairs of the heart and it is important to have a mental (or physical) list of relationship “must haves,” “nice to haves,” and “no ways” allowing good judgment to prevail over lust and infatuation. New York Times op-ed columnist Maureen Dowd wrote a piece on Father Pat Connor who educates teenage girls on “whom not to marry” before they walk down the aisle with Mr. Wrong. Father Connor’s lessons on what traits and qualities make good husband material reminded me of my own “who can I date” list. Created in jest with friends one night to after one of my more amusing dating disasters, this list proved a useful tool in weeding out a few prospective boyfriends before anyone got hurt. Some argue against the laundry list of dating requirements claiming that they are unromantic, eliminate potential good matches, and make women and men too picky. For those who feel that way go ahead and waste your time in a string of dead end and unhappy relationships, everyone else can take notes on their life experiences to help speed up their process of elimination. Here are some qualities that were on my list (in no particular order):

No jealously or possessiveness: Some women (and men) think people show love when they are jealous or possessive. It seems cute at 16 but at some point it is important to learn that men who are jealous and possessive lack self-esteem, don’t trust you or your relationship, become controlling and manipulative, and should be kicked to the curb at the first signs of these negative qualities.

Macho Man: There is no bigger turnoff for me then the whole macho man showoff routine. I wasn’t looking for an ultra-sensitive “girly man” but the exaggerated sense of power, strength, and dominance often demonstrated through actions like bar fights is repulsive. Machismo is nothing more then men indicating that they think they are better than you just because they were born with a penis and this well-educated, equal rights advocate has no time or tolerance for men like that; romantically, personally, or professionally.

Foodie: One might say I am passionate about food. I love a good meal, love to cook, love an evening out at a fine dining establishment, and love trying new dishes. It would be impossible to share my life with a person who didn’t have the same feelings for food. It only took a few dates with a guy who openly admitted he ate not out of enjoyment but because it was a requirement for staying alive to realize this. He would plan day long dates without any stops for nourishment and look at me strangely when I begged to stop for dinner.

Cheers: I like wine with my dinner, love a cold beer on a hot afternoon, and have an affinity for fine scotch. I didn’t judge men who didn’t drink but they often judged me so it was best to avoid teetotalers. This predicament didn’t happen very often giveen I predominently met men (including my husband) in bars.

Adventurous: Not necessarily jump out of an airplane adventurous, but after a string of dating boring homebodies it became apparent that I required someone who liked to enjoy new experiences, learn new things, and grow as a person. With my love of food I also preferred to date men with adventurous palates and often used the pizza test; if a date ordered nothing but a plain cheese pizza with no toppings the date would end with a handshake and a nice to meet you; have a nice life.

Respectful: How a person treats a waitress or bartender speaks volumes about them. If someone is nasty to servers, talks down to them, and treats them like second class citizens beware; chances are this is how the person will treat you after the honeymoon period is long over. I waited tables and tended bar during college and was amazed at the number of men who acted like they were showing off to their date by ordering around the “help”.

College: Having a college education was a necessity. This is not saying that people who attend college are smarter or better then those who don’t, but my experiences in college shaped much of who I am and sharing my life with someone with similar experiences was very important to me. I went out with a few guys who didn’t go to college and the differences in life experience were too hard to overcome. These were also the same men who expressed jealously and contempt towards women who earned more then them and given the pay gap between educational levels chances are that would become an issue in the long term. Some of these men openly asked me to dumb it down around their friends. I like being smart and don’t think it is something I should have to hide or apologize for.

Dogs: I am a dog person and although I didn’t have a dog during my dating years there was never a question that some day I would have a dog, or two, or three. Men who didn’t like dogs, didn’t want dogs, or thought of dogs as anything less than furry blessings from above didn’t get past the first date.

Children: I am what the childfree community refers to as an “early adopter;” someone who knew from a very young age that they did not want to have children. Even possessing this knowledge about myself I still dated a few people before realizing the effect of this on long-term romances. I wasted my time, and the time of some amazing men who met many of my other criteria, not sharing this tidbit about myself up front. It is kind of a weird thing to bring up, but eventually I realized how important it was to just throw my not liking nor wanting children out in the open early rather then wasting my time and energy with a man who wanted to have 2.4 kids and the white picket fence.

Smoking: No ifs, ands, or butts; after kissing a smoker I realized it tasted like I was licking an ashtray. Not sexy. Nor is the use of any drugs; total deal breaker.

Friends: If someone is a loner there is usually a good reason. Often the loner has a crappy personality that appears a few months/years into the relationship.

Challenging: One might describe me as strong, tenacious, and opinionated. I tended to attract men who were quiet and looking for someone with a more domineering personality. They were fun at first, allowing me to take over the relationship with little to no push-back. After a while these men bored me to tears. No doormats please.

Taller: This is not very PC; I tried to date men who were vertically challenged and the relationships came up short (pun intended). There is nothing small about me and my 5 foot 9 inch frame, often described as statuesque and voluptuous. My inability to handle a relationship with a shorter man has much to do with my lifelong mental and physical structure with my weight. Dating a man shorter then me made the weight struggle worse and I realized I just feel happier and more attractive when I am with a man who makes me feel a little thinner and smaller.

Italian Men: Also not very PC but as a part-Italian girl growing up surrounded by Italian men I learned many lessons about what I did not want in a romantic relationship. (Most) Italian men are jealous, possessive, macho, sexist pigs. They are egotistical Mama’s boy drama queens who think their shit doesn’t stink and the world revolves around them. They believe they are God’s gift to women. Women, in their opinion, were put on earth to have their babies and it is there right to marry those women but keep a few girlfriends on the side. Even if an Italian man somehow escaped his upbringing without obtaining any of these negative characteristics, chances are I would tower over them wearing simple flats. I am still looking for an Italian man out there to defy the sterotypes and prove me wrong on any or all these observations. If you exist and are single let me know; I have plenty of interested friends.

Do you have a relationship checklist? If so, what is on your list?

ROL

Money and I have a decent but fleeting relationship; we have fun together but often part ways very quickly. I am incredibly responsible in many aspects of my life with a thriving career, well-cared-for dogs, strong personal relationships, (somewhat) good eating habits, and a healthy exercise schedule. However, when it comes to managing money I am a complete moron. I am sure if I really put my mind to it I would be half decent in the realm of saving and investing but the whole process is rather boring and time consuming. For years I felt guilty about my poor saving habits, made excuses about how little I contributed to my retirement plans, and had various financial advisors frown at my monetary choices. But, after looking at my recent statements I no longer feel guilty; I feel vindicated!

The lack of enthusiasm for all things financial actually makes my plummeting profile easier to handle. Math is not my forte but upon a quick examination I have lost just about 20 cents of every dollar I’ve put away since 2000. Essentially if I would have just shoved that money under a mattress rather than be responsible and put it into my 401K, mutual funds, IRA, and stocks I would have 20% more than I have right now. Finally my monetary irresponsibility worked in my favor! Had I listened to the “experts” and been more “responsible” with money through the years my investment losses would be even more devastating. One could argue that all the money I spent rather than saved is also a financial loss but I disagree. I opted to invest in other things through the years. Although the ROI on these “investments” cannot be calculated by an accountant the ROL, Return on Life, cannot be disputed.

Many of my friends and co-workers followed a savings strategy that they believed would allow them to retire early so they could enjoy life. Taking the “responsible” route meant working like dogs, squirreling away every dime they earned so they could retire while they were “still young enough to enjoy life” and do things. Even before the economic downturn this logic didn’t work for me; we don’t get any younger and life should be enjoyed now. Dreams of retiring by 45 required sacrificing the here and now for the possibility of enjoying life later. People forget that later on might not come, that every day of life should include some level of enjoyment, and that we are young once and should take advantage of that youth. People are now realizing just how possible it is to work hard and have nothing to show for it when investments sour. I am glad I have more to show for years of labor than my now worthless 401K; a healthy ROL.

Perhaps ROI is easier to quantify than ROL because the calculation for ROL is different from person to person. Most people, although adept in understanding the return they get on their monetary investments, don’t understand or appreciate that the money they spend can have a good, or bad, ROL. People often spend money on stupid things that do not yield good ROL while bypassing those things that do. I am just as guilty of making worthless purchases that yield little to no benefit while bypassing those things that bring me measurable joy.

Through the years I realized I have a great affinity for shiny things, fine wine, good meals (and the kitchen items that make those meals happen), leather purses, camera equipment, fuzzy puppies, books, and quality bath and beauty products. I love to spoil dogs, family, and friends to make them smile. Cheap, processed food will never again pass my lips. Group fitness is worth every penny beyond cheap gym memberships. The world is a vast and beautiful and there is nothing I enjoy more then traveling to exotic destinations and staying in the most posh hotels. My house might be worth less then what it was purchased for nearly 4 years ago but it is still the home to many of the most amazing and happy memories I share with friends and family.

Many people might find my “investments” wasteful, not sharing the same ROL I get from seeing the world, entertaining friends, wearing nice jewelry, buying organic for my family and animals, eating, drinking, looking nice, and making memories. Conversely I have trouble understanding the ROL others get from spending their money on things like cars, electronic gadgets, nick-knacks, and raising children. ROL requires figuring out what makes you happy and focusing your disposable income on those things. If you can afford to buy a new car every year, understand it yields negative ROI but makes you very happy then it is a wise investment in your ROL.

Do I wish my retirement savings were at their pre-economic slump levels? Absolutely! But I am incredibly appreciative that I have more to show for the past 12 years of employment besides a depleted retirement account.

The Facebook 25

The Facebook 25, also known as The Narcissistic 25, is a forward going around facebook encouraging people to share 25 unknown facts about themselves with friends. There are no pre-canned questions so the survey is free-form and allows the writer to expose as much or as little as they desire. In the spirit of social networking I participated in the Facebook 25 with mostly boring tidbits about me, but some could be considered “explosive” enough to share on this blog and discuss.

1. It is difficult to think of 25 things that people don’t already know about me. I am not what one would call quiet, secretive, or mysterious.

2. Somewhere during college I realized many of my grandiose dreams of becoming a politician, constitutional lawyer, or author required sacrificing my desires to pay off my college loans, travel the world, enjoy time with my friends, have time to read books, take up photography, and get a few dogs. Many dreams are mutually exclusive to others and require choosing a few so you don’t lose them all. I thoroughly enjoy what I have, and do not regret what I walked away from.

3. If anyone told me 15 or 20 years ago that I would be married by 26 to a guy from Minnesota that I picked up in a bar in Chicago, I would have laughed and had them committed to an insane asylum. Glad I didn’t follow some life script we dream up in our youth; reality is often more amazing than our dreams.

4. I love food. Whether it is a gourmet meal at a fine restaurant, a wonderful dinner cooked in my home surrounded by friends, or my daily peanut butter and jelly sandwich; I derive great enjoyment from eating and preparing food.

5. Food doesn’t love me. Not that I have food allergies or anything (well, besides aspartame causing my head to explode). My metabolism is not what one would call fast. My weight gain record is 11 pounds on a one week cruise at 13 years old and 16 pounds between Thanksgiving and Christmas more years than I can count; impressive stats really.

6. People watching is a national pastime. I love sitting in a park, café, mall, airport, or city street and just watching people go by. I like making up stories about their lives; what they do for a living, where they live, and what they are like based upon the way they carry themselves, what they wear, and who they are with. The thing with people is their reality is probably crazier than any fictional life I imagine for them.

7. People make judgments about us each and everyday based upon nothing more than their split second analysis. Because of this I learned to project more confidence then I really possess; people respect and admire confidence. Underneath this steel exterior lies a whole host of terrifying insecurities.

8. Not all men (or women) are created equally and life is not fair. This is not saying I believe in discrimination, this is simply stating that we are all different and should learn to accept, embrace, and respect those differences rather than pretending we’re all the same. Life would be boring if we were each good at the same things. We each possess unique strengths that make us who we are and should spend more time bettering those strengths rather than succumbing to our weaknesses.

9. My Dad told me in fifth grade that I wouldn’t be a gymnast because I was too tall, a dancer because I was too klutzy, a professional athlete because women wouldn’t make money in sports, a supermodel because of my large build, an astronaut because I was afraid of heights, or a vet because I would never be able to put an animal to sleep. This was devastating news at the time but in hindsight good advice and the toughest form of love. Why spend life trying to fit the proverbial square peg into a round hole when we can find what we are good at and be the best at that. I’m glad someone told me at 11 rather than finding out years into pursuing impossible dreams.

10. I am smart; not Einstein smart but I would beat most of the US population in a battle of wits and intelligence. This is one of my strengths and I wouldn’t give it up for all the grace, good looks, agility, or metabolism in the world. I am not bragging but think we should be able to embrace our assets without fear of offending those who do not possess the same strengths. It is a shame that somewhere along the line intelligence became “uncool;” something that people, especially women and teenage girls, thought they needed to hide. Just as not everyone is a gifted athlete, musician, artist, writer, actor, comedian, singer, dancer, cook, etc., not everyone is blessed with intelligence and it is a gift that should be embraced like any other.

11. I am only 5 foot 9 inches which I fully understand is 5 inches taller than the average for American women but I am still not happy about it. Nothing is more beautiful or commanding than a woman over 6 feet tall and I feel like I was ripped off by 3 inches.

12. I was not always comfortable with my height as it limited my dating options; I tried but couldn’t be with a man smaller than me. It pains me to admit that I am attracted to men who are large enough to protect me and allow me to wear high heels (specifically 3” heels that make me 6 feet tall). Betty Friedan and all the feminists before me are rolling in their graves as I admit this as a personal shortcoming (excuse the pun).

13. I was almost born on August 13; my mother spent most of that day in labor and I was born shortly after midnight on August 14. It dawned on me last year that my birthday would be different if I was born in any other US time zone besides Eastern. This is just one of the millions of odd and random observations I make constantly.

14. 14 is my lucky number, this could be because it is my birth date but I really like how it sounds in other languages. Catorce. Quattordici. Quatorze. Vierzehn. Fjorton.

15. I am not very good at foreign languages and by not very good I mean terrible. I feel like such an ugly American when I travel overseas because no matter how hard I try I cannot communicate in any languages but English and Spanglish.

16. My favorite personal feature is my smile and the Crest White Strip is the best invention of the past 10 years.

17. I get calls from every charity on the planet due to my being a sucker for sappy telemarketers. I finally had to set criteria for who received my finances because I am (unfortunately) not rich. I never donate to overseas charities; there are enough problems in the United States that require my time, attention, and money. My focus is often on helping animals in need; as far as I’m concerned people can take care of themselves.

18. I love dogs, big and small. This is not a secret at all, what I don’t normally admit is I like dogs more than I like most humans.

19. I am not a jealous person, but will always be a bit green with envy at the relationship my sisters developed with each other after I left for college.

20. Going away to college had a profound impact on my life and who I became. Leaving my comfort zone of home, family, and a small town to spend four years meeting new people from a variety of backgrounds expanded my world in ways I cannot begin to explain. I fondly remember my college years, not because of the late nights, difficult professors, fatty food, and crappy keggers, but because college is one of the only times in life where we are surrounded by people of similar intelligence and encouraged to explore ourselves, think freely, engage in heated debate, question authority, and grow.

21. People often think I am younger than my age. Sometimes this makes it very hard to be taken seriously.

22. I play violin and sing but do not do either very well. It took me many years to realize my position of first stand in the high school orchestra and spot on the choir had more to do with my leadership qualities (getting people to come to rehearsal and practice their parts) than my musical abilities. No matter why I had my experience I am grateful to read, understand, and enjoy all types of music (except country).

23. I am not religious. I celebrate religious holidays because of tradition and family togetherness, not because of the true meaning of the day. Christmas for me is a celebration of winter. Easter is a celebration of spring. I (occasionally) attend church because it is a place to listen to cheap, beautiful live music. If there is a higher being then I think there is more than one required to do all the work required of higher beings. I guess this technically makes me a neo-pagan for those who must put me in a neat little religious box.

24. I regret not keeping a journal through the years, but I was so busy making a juicy past that I did not have time to keep memoirs of it. Actually, that’s probably for the best now that I think about it, less evidence.

25. No one is more amazed at the number of facebook friends I have than me (currently nearing 500). I am incredibly fortunate that in my life has crossed paths with such a diverse group of people across the globe in only 33 years.

Feeling Mighty Fine in 2009

I make lists for everything; shopping, cleaning, work tasks, menus, decorating, parties, etc. Lists are an important part of combating my natural ADD tendency to lose focus on a task, work on 30 things at the same time, and ultimately accomplishing nothing. The only thing I like more than a good list is a categorized list. Shopping lists can be categorized by what store the item is at, cleaning lists can be categorized by room of the house, and menus are often categorized by length of cooking time to ensure all items hit the table at the same time. Understanding the way my brain works and the need for lists to achieve personal success helps in all facets of my life, including my annual New Year’s Resolutions. In theory each resolution should yield improvement to one’s body, mind, or spirit. This year I tried to categorize my resolutions by personal improvement area to allow my brain to clearly focus on the tasks. However attempting to categorize my New Year’s Resolutions proved impossible because good resolutions, the kind that really yield positive improvement, should feed the body, mind, and soul.

• Reading: Finish 12 books; keep track of what is read.
• Outgoing: Get out of life ruts by trying a new “thing” every month; restaurant, museum, park, sport, stage production, etc.
• Electronic De-clutter: I become incredibly overwhelmed by my email boxes (work, personal, blog) and end up ignoring them as if the piling messages will just go away. Each inbox should remain below 200 messages, deleting or filing messages to keep the number in check.
• Firm Up: Workout at least 180 days this year with a minimum of 150 group fitness classes.
• Year of Living Chainlessly: Only visit national “chain” restaurants when local options are not available; support local merchants and growers wherever possible.
• Animal Planet: Contribute to local humane society, support local pet friendly establishments, get involved with an animal charity event, remember to brush Luna & Solei’s teeth, and visit dog parks at least 10 times during the year.
• Bare Necessities: Before every purchase question myself; “do I really need this?” “Do I have something like this already?” “Can I live without this?” Don’t stock up on items just because they are on sale. Avoid Target where many of these unnecessary purchases occur.
• Detoxification: Practice an average of four Alcohol Free Days (AFDs) per week to cut out “needless” calories, netting out to 208 AFDs for the year. This requires “paying it forward” for times planned of debauchery (vacations, holidays, birthweek, etc.).
• Let Me Entertain You: 2008 was severely lacking in the house party department. In addition to the usual casual stuff at Casa Van Betta we will throw at least one “theme party” a quarter (and resurrect our Iron Chef battles).
• Be a girlfriend, not just a wife: Plan at least one date with my husband a month, reminding each other that there is more to marriage than bills and housework.
• Settling In: Finish painting the hallway, office, and third bedroom; all are still builders’ white nearly 4 years after completing construction.
• Photographic Memories: Finish scrapbooking 2005 Europe Trip, Australia 2006, and New Zealand 2007 trips.
• Writing: Post at least one blog a week of “feature article” length; 750 to 1000 words.
• Healthy Weight: My resolution last year was to maintain a “Happy Weight” which I technically accomplished since I finally learned that I could be happy at any weight. With this amazing discovery it pains me to admit I still need the scale to trend downward for my health… and that discovery is worthy of a “featured length” article.