ROL

Money and I have a decent but fleeting relationship; we have fun together but often part ways very quickly. I am incredibly responsible in many aspects of my life with a thriving career, well-cared-for dogs, strong personal relationships, (somewhat) good eating habits, and a healthy exercise schedule. However, when it comes to managing money I am a complete moron. I am sure if I really put my mind to it I would be half decent in the realm of saving and investing but the whole process is rather boring and time consuming. For years I felt guilty about my poor saving habits, made excuses about how little I contributed to my retirement plans, and had various financial advisors frown at my monetary choices. But, after looking at my recent statements I no longer feel guilty; I feel vindicated!

The lack of enthusiasm for all things financial actually makes my plummeting profile easier to handle. Math is not my forte but upon a quick examination I have lost just about 20 cents of every dollar I’ve put away since 2000. Essentially if I would have just shoved that money under a mattress rather than be responsible and put it into my 401K, mutual funds, IRA, and stocks I would have 20% more than I have right now. Finally my monetary irresponsibility worked in my favor! Had I listened to the “experts” and been more “responsible” with money through the years my investment losses would be even more devastating. One could argue that all the money I spent rather than saved is also a financial loss but I disagree. I opted to invest in other things through the years. Although the ROI on these “investments” cannot be calculated by an accountant the ROL, Return on Life, cannot be disputed.

Many of my friends and co-workers followed a savings strategy that they believed would allow them to retire early so they could enjoy life. Taking the “responsible” route meant working like dogs, squirreling away every dime they earned so they could retire while they were “still young enough to enjoy life” and do things. Even before the economic downturn this logic didn’t work for me; we don’t get any younger and life should be enjoyed now. Dreams of retiring by 45 required sacrificing the here and now for the possibility of enjoying life later. People forget that later on might not come, that every day of life should include some level of enjoyment, and that we are young once and should take advantage of that youth. People are now realizing just how possible it is to work hard and have nothing to show for it when investments sour. I am glad I have more to show for years of labor than my now worthless 401K; a healthy ROL.

Perhaps ROI is easier to quantify than ROL because the calculation for ROL is different from person to person. Most people, although adept in understanding the return they get on their monetary investments, don’t understand or appreciate that the money they spend can have a good, or bad, ROL. People often spend money on stupid things that do not yield good ROL while bypassing those things that do. I am just as guilty of making worthless purchases that yield little to no benefit while bypassing those things that bring me measurable joy.

Through the years I realized I have a great affinity for shiny things, fine wine, good meals (and the kitchen items that make those meals happen), leather purses, camera equipment, fuzzy puppies, books, and quality bath and beauty products. I love to spoil dogs, family, and friends to make them smile. Cheap, processed food will never again pass my lips. Group fitness is worth every penny beyond cheap gym memberships. The world is a vast and beautiful and there is nothing I enjoy more then traveling to exotic destinations and staying in the most posh hotels. My house might be worth less then what it was purchased for nearly 4 years ago but it is still the home to many of the most amazing and happy memories I share with friends and family.

Many people might find my “investments” wasteful, not sharing the same ROL I get from seeing the world, entertaining friends, wearing nice jewelry, buying organic for my family and animals, eating, drinking, looking nice, and making memories. Conversely I have trouble understanding the ROL others get from spending their money on things like cars, electronic gadgets, nick-knacks, and raising children. ROL requires figuring out what makes you happy and focusing your disposable income on those things. If you can afford to buy a new car every year, understand it yields negative ROI but makes you very happy then it is a wise investment in your ROL.

Do I wish my retirement savings were at their pre-economic slump levels? Absolutely! But I am incredibly appreciative that I have more to show for the past 12 years of employment besides a depleted retirement account.

Classy Notes

A few weeks prior to my college graduation, members of the alumni association at The University of Mary Washington (nee Mary Washington College) asked me volunteer as an alumni news writer for the Class of 1997. It seemed only natural to serve in this role after spending four years representing my class as their President. The assignment seemed easy; keep in touch with classmates, gather their news, write a submission two or three times a year, and hand over the responsibilities to another classmate after 5 years. Well, those 5 years came and went and I continue to contribute to each issue, easily classifying those submissions as the most important pieces I write each year.

The “job” of writing for the Mary Washington Alumni magazine is more challenging then I originally calculated for a variety of reasons. One major challenge is my inability to meet writing deadlines, a problem that still plagues me long after leaving the hallowed (and creaky) corridors of Monroe Hall. Another issue is adhering to the guidelines and ever changing deadlines set forth by the alumni publication Gestapo, who I often think would be secretly happy to abolish the long tradition of class specific news, making room for more kitschy articles that no one actually reads (sorry to break the news to any magazine editors who might catch this, but an unscientific poll concluded that most alumnus flip to the back of the magazine to read the Class Notes and the In Memoriam sections). Then there is my little type-A personality issue; if I was the kind of person who could casually volunteer for something, writing a small blurb for my alumni magazine would be a piece of cake. Unfortunately, I am not the kind of person able to half-ass this type of commitment and take my duties as class representative very seriously, combing the globe over to find alumni whose post-college stories remain unwritten.

From a purely professional perspective, the importance of alumni staying connected with their alma mater and other alumnus is priceless. Studies prove that people graduating from colleges and universities with strong alumni associations and connections find more success in the business world. Simply put, it’s not always what you know, but who you know, or who happened to attend the same institution of higher learning as you. Building relationships through alumni networking is how many find jobs, promotions, sales, deals, merger opportunities, etc. Keeping track and documenting everyone’s news could trigger communication between two alumni who together create a Microsoft, Google, or Starbucks like success. That merger would certainly lead to a very nice endowment for the university.

As a public college in the Commonwealth of Virginia, the Mary Washington alumni association focuses many of their official efforts in Virginia, Maryland, New Jersey and New York. Those of us who live outside of the I-95 Northeast corridor, as well as those who avoid alumni events like the black plague, can remain connected to classmates and the school itself through the alumni publication. Our college years are supposed to be among the best of our lives; it would be a shame to completely lose connection to those years. Whatever school you attended, whatever class you are from, remember the importance of keeping in touch with the place, and the people, that kick-started your adult life.

Over the past 11 years our class experienced the highest of highs, and the lowest of lows; celebrating the births of a dozen future graduates in each issue, congratulating each person receiving a higher degree or a major promotion, and mourning the unfortunate losses of people taken from us too soon. What amazes me most is that many of my old classmates let me into their lives and remember to include me (and therefore our whole class) in the news of their triumphs and tragedies at each and every juncture of their lives. I often receive the birth and wedding announcements from people I knew in passing, photos from family holidays, honeymoons and African safaris. Change of address cards and emails frequently come with a written request to update their address with the school so they can continue receiving class notes. Being entrusted with keeping a class of over 800 connected with each other and the broader family of alumni is honor and privilege, one never to be taken lightly.

While most jump right to the page with their class’ notes, reading news of their friends and classmates, I have a more unorthodox style of reading. I enjoy working my way backwards, starting with the latest graduating class and ending with the class holding the honor of having the oldest living alumna. The newer classes write much of the same news now found in my article archive; graduate school, law school, backpacking through Europe, Australia and Asia, sharing apartments with dear college friends, struggling with the “now what?” dilemma. Class year by class year, the news and stories take on predictable patterns with very little variation; only the names change. The marriage years, the baby years, toddler years, little league years, and high school years are the life stories shared by so many. Those choosing a childfree or marriage-free path have their own predictable patterns of where they travel and when and when they jump off the corporate ladder for more “meaningful” work. Empty Nesters and the middle-aged jump into the “what now?” years; the life script and checklist often leaves out what we are meant to do after finishing the work and children things. Surprisingly (or not), out of all the class years, the most enjoyable reads come from those reveling in the Golden Years. Reading class news from those beyond the Gold and Silver Reunion years serves as a reminder of the importance of friendship, love, faith, and education. Some of the news is sad, as people report the deaths of their dear classmates. Even in reporting the deaths the writers of these class notes point out the amazing things the departed brought to the world. Sometimes the spotlight is on children or careers, but often the memories are focused on the little things that go unnoticed by us “young whipper-snappers”; a friend’s infectious laugh, warm smile, melodic voice, or ability to mix the perfect martini.

Reading the little joys people from the earlier classes report is amazing. Those under the 20 year reunion mark focus on big milestones and accomplishments, those past the 60 year reunion mark learned that life is filled with smaller moments worth celebrating. It would not be unusual to open up the page from the class of 1946 and read something like this; “…I had coffee with Sally Smith Brown and she is still the same old firecracker she was 62 years ago. She misses her husband, who passed away late last year, but is so thankful for the 58 years they spent together. These days Sally is surrounded by a large and strong network of family and friends. Just like at school, she always has pot of coffee on, ready for unexpected company; at least now she doesn’t have to hide her percolator from the dorm fire marshals! Don’t be too jealous, but Sally is still able to live in her own house (which she now shares with her Virginia Hall roommate Jane Brown Jones!), walk on her own (thanks to the new hip she got from Dr. Anne Madison of the Class of 1972), and breathe without the help of any oxygen despite all those years of sneaking post meal cigarettes in the amphitheatre. Completing the Sunday New York Times crossword puzzle takes until Tuesday these days, but she still finishes it every week, a testament to her fine Mary Washington education. Sally said her joints are a little stiff these days, but she knows there is an expiration date on those joints and plans on finding that date at her weekly dance club…”

Alumni representatives far and wide love hearing news of what people are up to, especially their successes. Class notes and alumni news from decades ago remind us that life is not just about what we accomplish, but the importance of maintaining lifelong relationships and finding happiness in the everyday; with age, or reading the words and thoughts of those with years under their belts, comes wisdom.

Aged Before Beauty

You are beautiful, thin, healthy, strong, smart and amazing. You do not need to wear that makeup, go on that crash diet, and for Christ sake you look just as good pale as you do with a deep, dark tan so stop leaving the house without sunscreen. Those pants do not make you look fat, if anything hiding behind baggy clothes that are 2 sizes too big for you makes you look fat. Everyone is not thinner then you, better looking then you, smarter then you, or more talented then you. Stop the self-deprecation, open your eyes and take a really good look at yourself to see the real you.

Do you ever wish you could go back in time and smack your younger self? This feeling is often sparked by an old photo from an event or time in life where you can distinctly remember feeling like garbage and in hindsight understand it was crazy and stupid to feel anything less then triumphant. Often I look at one of these photos and am surprised at just how good I look, especially photos from my teenage years when I hated everything about my body; my thick legs, wide shoulders, big butt, boxy waist, stringy hair, shiny skin, big feet, thin lips, etc. etc. etc. Obsessing over these issues probably perpetuated them as food quickly became the cause and solution of so many of my problems.

After tripping upon a photo album from my prom I had mixed feelings of sadness, anger, delight, and hunger. I can vividly remember the months and weeks leading up to the prom, trying every diet under the sun, buying multiple dresses in the hopes one would make me look thin, and crying to friends and my mother about how I was going to be the biggest, ugliest girl at the dance. In true early-90s fashion my dress had gigantic puffy sleeves that strategically drew attention away from the rest of my “fat” body. Standing pin straight and sucking in my gut all night made for a terribly uncomfortable evening. It is so sad knowing my prom night was not as fun and memorable as it should be because of an obsession with my perceived size. I say perceived size because looking at the photo now I cannot comprehend why I thought I was fat and what made me feel so unattractive; oh how much I wish I could have the waist, legs and wrinkle free skin of a seventeen year old now! As “they” say, youth is wasted on the young and what a waste in hindsight not enjoying the beauty and strength that is being young and (relatively) carefree.

Of course, can you imagine the arrogance of teenagers with perfect self-esteem and zero feelings of personal doubt? Oh yes! So many of today’s teens seem not only self-confident but almost over confident. Witnessing some of the narcissistic attitudes displayed by so many teens in the media today makes me realize that low self-esteem and self-loathing could be an important element necessary to keep egos in check and prepare us for the horrors and disappointment of adulthood. If we actually understood we are at the top of our physical game at 18 wouldn’t the rest of life seem bleak and impossible? High School physics is hard enough without learning a lesson that only comes with time; gravity is the law and it applies to Newton’s apples and our own breasts. Ignorance of youthful perfection could be the bliss that is needed to keep trudging through future birthdays and the downward droop of our mid-sections.

Putting ourselves down is certainly not limited to our teenaged years. Photo after photo, memory after memory it is hard not to think of how much more fun life would be if we focused on the positives of body and mind rather then the negatives. Longing for the smooth skin and gravity defying butt that only a person under 25 or under the knife will soon be replaced by yearning the days when I could walk for miles pain free, go to work routinely without makeup, party until the wee hours with friends, and sleep soundly through the night in my 30s. It is hard to think that 15, 20, 30 years from now I’ll be looking upon my 30s as potentially the best years of my life and regretting the time I wasted obsessed with my imperfections. Changing this attitude is easier said then done in a world that worships teenage pop stars, botoxes well earned frown lines, celebrates beauty over substance, and promotes anything over a size 4 as being fat.

How can we embrace and survive aging, especially as women who are thought to be all washed up by their 40th birthdays? The answer to this question is about as unique as all people who face it. The beauty of getting older is the confidence gained in getting wiser and I learned I don’t want to look at photos of myself in a decade or two and feel the mixed feelings I looking back now. Working through my own body image issues I have come to accept some of the inevitable parts of getting older, but continue to fight some others. My goal is to learn how to embrace the beauty and strength I have today while attempting to preserve what I can for tomorrow through important steps like better lifestyle habits, more time with friends and family, mind expansion through reading, and enjoying the little things in life. Someday I hope to look back at pictures from today and smile with the knowledge of a life beautifully lived, no regrets; cellulite and wrinkles and all.

Vita brevis. Carpe Diem!

Oh October...

October and I have a love/hate relationship. Professionally, October is one of the most grueling months I have to endure year after year. As a Business Architect and Process Design Specialist in the Health Insurance industry I must ensure my work is complete and handed off to my stakeholders with plenty of time for Technology, Training, Client Implementation, Consumer Communications, Recruiting and Workforce Readiness to do their thing by January 1 launches. I should not complain; a hellish October beats being overworked in December. This hate of October is painful in that prior to launching my career it was always my favorite month; crispy leaves, caramel apples, pumpkin picking, homecoming, the World Series, hay rides, mums, Halloween. October does have so much going for it but all too often I miss it with stressful, late nights at work.

October is especially beautiful as a photographer; the colors, the light, the family fun, all contribute to some of the most wonderful photographic moments of the year. I wanted to share some of my favorites from this October, mostly as a reminder to myself that I was still able to squeeze a little fun between deadlines.

Chick here to visit the full album.

What's your Legacy?

The months leading up to my recent college reunion brought about overwhelming feelings of failure, remorse and regret and I could not understand why. Although my career, my relationships and my physical location have taken a completely different direction then the map I laid out for myself in school, the experiences were well worth the change; making friends from all over the world, seeing far and exciting places and meeting and marrying my soul mate to name just a few. If I had followed my dreams rather then my opportunities, I would have missed out on everything I have now. Knowing all that, I could not get past the dream I abandoned; life in the political fast-lane. After countless months of soul searching it dawned on me that my childhood dream of going into politics aligned with my desire to leave a lasting mark on this world. Had my choice to forgo a career in political equated to ending my chance of leaving a legacy?

One of the hardest things to come to terms with when making the decision to be childfree is the thought of leaving nothing behind when you are gone. Many of us have seen the successories poster on a wall that says; "A hundred years from now it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove...but the world may be different because I was important in the life of a child." Although it is possible to make an impact on a child that is not your own, being a parent provides real evidence to the next generations that you existed. While continuing to make the children of family and friends a top priority in my life, I realized it was important to leave my own legacy behind, but a major question remained; what could I possibly bring to the world as a product manager and business architect?

While my career choice brought me tons of opportunities, no one remembers what I accomplished last year let alone the next generation. Looking beyond my career at ways to leave a mark on the world, I realized the one thing I have that will last beyond me is my photos. Not that I am Ansel Adams with my art displayed in museums for millions to view, but my hobby and love delivers a more personal impact, capturing life’s little moments; a child’s laugh, a mother’s glance, a pet’s smile, a friend’s smirk. On vacation, I jump at the opportunity to take a photo of a family desiring to have everyone included. Nothing fills me with more joy then knowing families around the globe have a photo I took of them in their albums, seeing a photo I took on someone’s wall, hearing a teenager express surprise at how beautiful they are and capturing the everyday to remember it for all days to come.

"Photography is a way of feeling, of touching, of loving. What you have caught on film is captured forever . . . it remembers little things, long after you have forgotten everything." -Aaron Siskind

Webster’s defines legacy as something handed down from an ancestor or a predecessor from the past and that is what I hope to accomplish through my photography. I might not be penning novels that are read 200 years from now, or delivering speeches that change the course of humanity, but I hope the impact of my work brings joy to many. If one of my photos is hanging on someone’s wall in the future as the connection they have with family and friends of the past, if I can show people beauty they are unaware they possess, then that is the piece of me I left behind for future generations, and to me there is nothing more important I can accomplish in life.

My favorite photo of me and my Grandmother, Greenwood Lake, 1989-ish. Whoever took this photo, thank you.

Cook Straight

The wind and choppy waters of New Zealand's Cook straight might have made for a tough ferry crossing, but it certainly led to a beautiful shot.

Princess Solei and Dearth Luna

From a galaxy not so far away... Princess Solei and Dearth Luna. Our dogs are never very happy about their Halloween costumes, but we give them food, water and shelter so why not clothing too!

Beautiful Sunset

Sunset in the Sand