Eulogy for Anna Nicole Smith

Today, we come to mourn the untimely death of another iconic blonde. This tragic event was one in the making from the day Anna Nicole Smith, aka Vickie Lynn Hogan Marshall, was launched onto the international stage as the face and body of Guess. As most of the fashion industry embraced the cocaine thinned models of the time, Anna Nicole’s figure and bombshell looks reflected days gone by, an era of pin-up girls ogled for their curves. She channeled the style and majesty of famous bombshells before her, and quickly became the object of both desire and jealously across the globe.

Beauty is a weak base for constructing long-term success and on the surface, there appeared to be little else for Anna Nicole to build a future on. She made the most of what she was given in life, and used her looks to find financial security in the arms of her husband J. Howard Marshall. Whether the relationship was for love or money, this marriage is what ultimately catapulted Anna Nicole from fashion icon to embattled celebrity. She was not the first person to marry a much-older man, but certainly became one of the more famous.

Her unconventional personality and court battle over the assets of her deceased husband kept Anna Nicole cemented in the tabloids. The media was able to focus on her limitations, honing in on her outrageous behavior and shocking weight gain. Anna Nicole Smith capitalized on America’s obsession with celebrity in a hit reality show that chronicled the chaos of her life. Her absurdity, foolishness and personal battles made for good television and exemplified the cliché that no publicity is bad publicity.

Everyone loves a happy ending, and for some time there was thought that Anna Nicole could actually enjoy one; securing a lucrative deal with TrimSpa due to her complete body re-transformation and Legal woes over her late husband’s fortune landed at the United State’s highest court and found her victorious.

Anna Nicole experienced life’s greatest joy with the birth of her daughter, Dannielynn Hope, last September. Unfortunately, this elation was met with the ultimate heartbreak a few days later when her son, Daniel, died of an overdose. Life again spiraled out of control for Anna Nicole, as she dealt with issues surrounding the paternity of her new daughter and scrutiny over the details over her son’s death.

The cruel irony of Anna Nicole’s celebrity is the very beauty and fame that brought her to our attention is ultimately what killed her. No matter what the coroner declares as her cause of death, Anna Nicole Smith died as a result of her battle finding love, security and understanding in a world that took advantage of her frailties. With death, may Anna Nicole find peace from her conflict and inner turmoil, solace in returning to life with her son and a legacy as a blonde bombshell.

Bride's Resume

As I get caught into the whirlwind that is the week before a family wedding, I can’t help but reflect on all the time, money and effort brides (and their families!) put into making the big day a memorable one. If you are a typical bride, planning a wedding becomes a second job, as you spend countless hours finding an officiant, a place to have a reception, the flowers, the dress, the invitations, the music, the photographer, the favors, the shoes, the veil, the jewelry, etc. etc. etc.

After the day is over, it is easy to experience post-wedding let down. The resume below is to show my sister (and other brides) the significance of their efforts and the additional skills they acquired in their job as bride-to-be. Photos, a husband and great memories are not the only things a bride has after the wedding is over, she also has valuable and marketable work experience!

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QUALIFICATIONS SUMMARY
Ms. Bride is an accomplished Project Manager with over 1 year of experience. Her skill areas include: Project Plan Development and Management, Budget Preparation and Administration, Contracts Management, Operational Readiness and Conflict Management. Ms. Bride is highly accomplished in identifying and promoting unique solutions as a driver for revenue savings. She is a team player, working effectively with vendors, customers, and peers, with strong relationship management skills and an ability to present high quality deliverables in a fast paced and changing environment.

EXPERIENCE
RETS Consulting Services Ltd. Inc.
January 2006 – February 2007
Project Manager, Event Coordinator, General Contractor, Wedding Planner, Bride-to-be

RETS Consulting provides professional services for individuals seeking to exceed their special events goals through meticulous planning and management. As a RETS Consultant, Ms. Bride has a proven track record for the planning and execution of complex projects through her skills in customer relationship management, project plan development and execution, contract pricing and management and problem solving.

Key responsibilities

• Developed and maintained project plans, providing time, scope and cost analyses throughout the project lifecycle.
• Led strategic projects, monitoring and adjusting plans to ensure successful completion of the project.
• Ensured project objectives were set and roles of team members were clear.
• Conducted package evaluations with vendors and provided direction and leadership in the development of solution estimates and alternatives.
• Translated, documented and implemented requirements, derived from facilitations, workshops and interviews, to specifications for event design and development.
• Accountable for budget development and management.
• Conducted risk, issue, and change management activities in a timely manner with quality resolutions.
• Managed delegation of tasks successfully.
• Monitored and reviewed team outputs.
• Experienced working and managing virtual teams.
• Managed organizational issues and communicated resolutions to key stakeholders.
• Provided guidance and support to stakeholders throughout the development life-cycle.
• Utilized proven project methodologies for deliverables including Bride’s Magazine Checklists and TheKnot.com guide.

Project Successes

• Leader of a development group and key team member for the successful implementation of a large budget event, leveraging the intellectual capital of thought leaders in the field.
• Responsible for the coordination and communications between project team and vendors for a high stake project effecting 150 people from both domestic and international markets.
• Developed and managed personnel hiring, financials, service level agreements and time controls for a high profile project to ensure on-time delivery of work to customers. 100% of teams managed delivered on-time.

Technical Experience

• Microsoft Excel
• Microsoft Word

I don't have a thing to wear

Honestly, I didn’t have a thing to wear this morning. This is not just a “girl thing” where I have a closet filled with perfect clothes and I couldn’t make up my mind. As I sit here at work, I’m not naked but wearing an outfit that is completely inappropriate. Khakis and a sweater were appropriate here two years ago and pseudo-appropriate last year. In the time I have been working for my current employer, our dress code has unofficially changed from Monday through Thursday Business Casual and Friday “Jeans Day” to Business attire 5 days a week. My closet needs a full transformation. It looks like a GAP, not Jones New York.

This dress code change is pretty unofficial. Call it a trickle down policy. C-level executives move from shirt and ties to suits. A few months later, their reports start wearing suits. The need for pinstripes rolled down the ranks like an avalanche and the inevitable needed to be faced; if I were continue to move up the corporate ladder and be taken seriously, it was time to start dressing like I worked at a bank.

Due to the exorbitant cost associated with classic suits, and the personal need to have a closet that ranges in sizes from 12 – 16, suits are being slowly added to my inventory with each 5 pounds I lose. The current count is at 4, which makes Fridays quite dicey. With proper mixing and matching, I get by.

Last week, I made the decision to purchase a new suit during although I had yet to lose the next 5 pounds that marks my reward to go shopping. I was getting sick of wearing the same outfits every week and all 4 suits needed to go to the cleaners. So, off my work wardrobe went to the dry cleaners and off I went to decided if the next item to enter my closet should be black or red.

For those of you who don’t religiously watch the weather channel, the temperatures in Minnesota dropped into pretty dangerous territory over the weekend. The thought of leaving the house, going to the mall and taking my protective clothing off in the dressing room closely resembled my definition of hell. So, rather then face the peril of shivering in Macy*s, I sit at work ever aware that I look young and unprofessional among my peers. Tonight, despite temperatures in the negative double digits, I will be heading to the mall straight from work. My cleaning won’t be done until Wednesday and I can’t face my empty closet for one more day.