Blockhead

It’s raining; again. After enjoying a very dry June and July where in return for high water bills we got to enjoy the great outdoors constantly without mosquitoes, a complete 180 in the weather pattern has brought what feels like constant rain since mid-August. It is like we are living in the Northwest, but without the mountains and the ocean to keep our minds off of the crummy weather. Being someone whose mood is in direct correlation to sunshine exposure, the wet and gray skies are really putting a damper on my attitude and inducing a horrific bout of writer’s block, which honestly could not have come at a worse time.

Writer’s block must be absolutely the nastiest thing in the world when your livelihood is dependent on putting words to paper. You just stare blankly at the screen before you, frozen by the inability to come up with anything remotely intelligent. Writing more frequently for pleasure has made me recognize how much I actually suffer from some of the same creative roadblocks that journalists and authors do in their chosen professions. As a Business Architect and Business Process Specialist, my day-to-day writing revolves around the production of intricate process flows and presentations. Although my words are more concise bullets then flowery prose, it still requires a great deal of creativity to take an entire business and condense it into a few 8x11 pages that everyone, from business executives and sales to programmers, can understand and execute upon.

This week, I am working upon two major deadlines required for 1/1/08 launches. The project plan shows that client implementation, sales, technology, training and call operations all have major dependencies on my output to move forward with their work. Adding to the pressure is this being my time to shine after the unfortunate career hiccup and consequential department shift that occurred this summer. Never in my 10 years of post-college work have I felt such pressure to go above and beyond the call of duty and show the world what I’m made of, yet, here I sit suffering from analysis paralysis and unable to put a single keystroke toward the completion of this projects. Is it the rainy blues, or am I crumbling under the pressure?

This morning, my dogs were the unfortunate victims of my writer’s block, being forced to take a very long walk in the pouring rain. Returning home 3 miles later, cold and soaking wet, yielded nothing more then two smelly, mud covered dogs and, more then likely, a cold in a few days. With the deadline looming over my head like the dark clouds outside, I am taking a chapter from straight from writer’s “how-to” books and doing the one thing that many claim cures writer’s block; writing about the writer’s block. This writing exercise is one that is recommended by professionals the world over to combat this debilitating condition. For those who have never suffered from writer’s block, the only way I can explain how it feels is taking one of those moments you are stuck in conversation, unable to think of a word, and multiply that feeling of frustration and helplessness by a million. Personally, I am overcome by a feeling that my brain is shutting down, unable to process even the tiniest thoughts. Writer’s block effects my speech patterns; I begin having a nervous stutter anticipating that the writer’s block is going to cause speakers block. Silly as it might sound; I feel overwhelmed, humbled, stupid and embarrassed even opening my mouth in front of others, afraid they are going to realize this shortcoming. Rather then bring attention upon me, I begin to clam up and stop participating in conversations and become a wallflower in meetings and workshops.

Unfortunately, I must muster through this issue and get through this week, forget the thought of producing perfect work just to produce any work at all. To compare work to school, there is just no way I can possibly get an A on this assignment, but I have to suck it up and get things done so I can just pass the class.

Quote of the Week

Wishing everyone a happy Columbus Day and Canadian Thanksgiving; and a very special happy half-birthday to my husband... half way to 65.

Every one of us has in him a continent of undiscovered character. Blessed is he who acts the Columbus to his own soul.
- Author Unknown

Top 10 things I hate about Minnesota

Although I made it well past the five years I agreed to live in Minneapolis, it is not because I fell completely head over heels about my new “home” location. Every area of the world has its own little issues that give residents reason to complain and keep the population under control. Imagine if Seattle had beautiful weather; the whole world would live there. Minnesota has many positive things going for it; however, the following list outlines the reasons why I will not retire Minnesota:

Winter
It is quite tiring to hear people talk about how easy winters are these days and how much worse they were in the early 90s, the 80s, the 70s, etc. Maybe this is how everyone deals with the miserable winters; make them out to be better then they really are. Three things make the winters in Minnesota horrible. First is the unbearable cold; there is just no way to describe the bone-chilling feeling of death that is -20F. I can still vividly recall like it was yesterday walking 6 blocks from the car to the Metrodome on an evening with a -35 wind chill reading and wishing the lord would just end the misery and take me someplace warm, and this was nearly 10 years ago. Then there is the snow which does not come until February or March, when winter is all but done in most of the world, because it is too cold to snow in January. Snow is beautiful around the Christmas holiday, not Easter. Adding insult to injury, the beauty that is fall in Minnesota, my favorite season, is cut far too short with winter coming well before the solstice and lasting beyond the Spring Equinox. The bonus issue with long harsh winters is how they destroy roads, leading to everyone's least favorite season, construction season, when roads are closed for months on end to repair winter's damage.

Mosquitoes
Jokingly known as the state bird, the lakes and humid summer conditions create the perfect breeding ground for the mosquito. Mosquitoes could easily band together and pick up small children and animals; carrying them clear cross-state. These little blood suckers grow to the size of dinner plates and their bites leave larger welts on your skin then if you were hit by a Johan Santana fastball. A good run of West Nile or worse would create a health epidemic of monumental proportions.

Hunting
Minneapolis is ranked as the 13th most “Humane City” in the United States by the American Humane Society. It is well above average in most animal-friendly indicators; few pet stores sell puppies (stores “stock” dogs through puppy mills), low number of fur shops and heavy regulations on “show-animals” like those for circuses. The one thing that drops Minneapolis to 13th in the rankings is the hunting culture that is prevalent across the state. I will never understand how people could kill animals for pleasure and live with themselves. I am from NY, we don’t shoot animals, we shoot each other; chances are the animal did not deserve it.

Minnesota Nice
Minnesotans are very nice on the outside, however, beneath the surface lies the real truth to all the smiles and niceties; Passive-Aggressiveness. Passive Aggressive is loosely defined as behavior in which damaging emotions, especially anger, are expressed indirectly through negative conduct and disguised resistance to the demands or expectations of others. No matter how upset, angered, frustrated or pissed-off a native Minnesotan gets at a person they remain stoically silent, avoid showing their unhappiness and even go so far as appearing agreeable to the person or actions that get their panties in a bunch. Locals will sit and watch a light change green a dozen times and never use their horn to wake the person in front of them up. A co-worker will make a bad decision and no one will say anything to correct them, instead complaining to others in the meeting after the meeting without fixing the situation. Any sign of directly expressing your opinion or speaking your mind is considered rude. As you can imagine, being from a passionate Italian-American New York family, where survival is based on your ability to stand your ground, makes me much (Minnesota) different then everyone around me and the transition to living amongst the passive-aggressiveness very (Minnesota) interesting.

I'll be home for Christmas
I grew up in a close-knit family with my parents and two sisters, only about 2 miles away from my Grandmother, aunts and most of my cousins. Those in the family who were not within the 2 mile radius could be reached in less than 30 minutes. While most of my family still lives within an easy drive of each other, I live over 1000 miles away. I am fortunate to make it home for most major holidays and a few other visits during the year, but what I miss is Sunday dinners, popping in unannounced for coffee, meeting close friends and family for a beer at the local watering hole, random family events and casual BBQs. It is very hard to see the life you once had disappear and everyone going on without you; people all but forgetting to include you in events because they assume you will not be in town. I really cannot say I hate Minnesota, I just hate that it is so far away from those I love.

Scandinavian Beauties
Growing up in a community dominated by those of Southern European descent made being a 5’ 9’’ blonde with blue eyes incredibly fun. It is easy to stand out in a crowd when most of those around you are a half a foot shorter. Mostly everyone comes from a Scandinavian, Baltic or German background; they are tall, blonde, fair and beautiful. Frankly suddenly being average is quite annoying.

Cliques
93% of the people who are born in Minnesota die in Minnesota, with most spending all the time between their birth and death solidly planted within the state boundaries. This situation allows natives to develop incredible longtime friendships but makes it quite difficult to be a transplant. Luckily I am married to a Minnesotan and his friends have let me in their inner circle, but most are not so fortunate to have this avenue to break in and make friends.

Family Friendliness
To say the taxes in Minnesota are high is like saying Brittany Spears is going through a little rough patch. We pay state and local governments through the nose but in return get America’s best schools, plenty of parkland filled with playgrounds, locally subsidized after school programs and enrichment activities. All wonderful things if you have children, which I do not. So my taxes rarely support things that I could actually use like better roads (you should just see the disgrace of the street I live on), a local dog park (Minnetonka is surrounded by cities with dog parks but does not have their own!), and adequate public transportation. Just to go off a little more on the tax situation I still cannot believe that taxes do not include trash pickup (have to hire that yourself), sewers or streetlights (which we pay for additionally as well even though we have neither on our block).

Land Locked
Lakes are pretty, but nothing beats the feeling of water as far as the eye can see, the smell of salt and miles and miles of sandy beaches. When my life becomes overwhelming with mounting responsibilities and issues I am overcome by a feeling of claustrophobia; like the walls of the world closing in on me. My cure when living by the ocean was simple; take a walk on the beach or sit on a rock overlooking the open water and enjoy the beauty of the sea. Calmness displaces insanity the instant you breathe in the ocean air, listen to waves crashing against the shoreline and feel sand tickle your toes. Without that release, I am unable to break a feeling of entrapment.

Where’s the Deli
Oh, how I miss a good NY deli; a place where you can order a mile high made-to-order pepperoni sandwich on crusty bread with all the fixings, a good potato salad, a fresh kosher dill pickle, a pound of deli meat, piping hot knishes, homemade rice pudding, a full chicken dinner, the newspaper, a 6-pack of beer and a lottery ticket. A few places outside the northeast have attempted to call themselves a deli, but they always fall short. As a self-proclaimed “foodie” I miss both the convenience and quality of deli food the most, followed closely by Italian bakeries, pizza joints that sell amazing pizza by the slice, good Chinese food that delivers and Wise potato chips. Lucky for me alot of this is easily solved with frequent trips home and very big luggage.