Like Fine Wine

How old do you think she is? This question occasionally comes up when watching television or a movie. Either the person is a long time public figure and still looks great, or is aging before our very eyes. Professional makeup and photographic air brushing create a warped sense of what people should look like at a given age. We watch actors and actresses age gracefully, read countless articles on the forty and fifty fabulous set, and forget that artists and modern technology make it easy to erase years of a person’s face and body. On the flip side we have an up and coming generation of stars and starlets who take the teenage desire to look older to a whole new level with heavy makeup and provocative clothing. With the old looking young and the young looking old, it is increasingly difficult to play the age guessing game and even worse, answer the question “do I look my age?”

Today is my thirty-third birthday, and it is actually much less traumatic then thirty-two. I am old enough to understand how the beauty, fashion, and entertainment industries promote unhealthy and unattainable goals but young enough to still obsess with what I look like. I am old enough to know that airbrushes enhance the cleavage of Victoria Secret models but young enough to hope their bras can still grant the dream of gravity defying boobs. I am old enough to know that Demi Moore, Halle Berry and other “aging” stars have a team of doctors, makeup artists, nutritionists, and photographers working to hide wrinkles and cellulite; but young enough to pray that good genes and excellent skin care will render me a bombshell at any age. I have the age and wisdom to know the games Hollywood play, but have yet to lose the naivety and arrogance to believe the rules of the game actually apply to me.

Whether it is because of a more mature look, the confident swagger that no person in their twenties possesses, a change in body shape, established career, or more classic clothing, there comes a certain point where it is very apparent that you are in your thirties. Thirty-three is around the age where it becomes nearly impossible to pretend you are twenty-nine, no matter how good you look.

To determine how I looked in comparison to other women my age, I searched wikipedia for women born the same year as me; 1975. Some highly esteemed company share my birth year, many are undoubtedly gorgeous, but do they “look their age?”

Heather Chadwell: Bret Michael’s runner up in season one of Rock of Love, currently on I Love Money, is who sparked my curiosity on what women born in 1975 look like. When I say curiosity I really mean “scared the crap out of me and fueled a skin product shopping spree”.

Stacy Ann “Fergie” Ferguson: The Black Eyed Peas singer turned solo artist has a killer body, but her years as a meth addict make her look a bit worn around the edges. Her body is still kicking, but the meth and cocaine diet is not endorsed by the American Medical Association.

Angelina Jolie: One can’t help but look older than their age with six children under their belts. She is a beautiful woman, but did anyone think for a moment think she was only 33?

Melanie Brown: Perhaps it is the stress of a public battle with Eddie Murphy regarding the paternity of their child, but Scary Spice is looking a little scary these days (although not as scary as Posh Spice, Victoria Beckham).

Kimora Lee Simmons: She looks good, but it is hard not to think she’s older due to her ex-husband, Russell Simmons, being 18 years her senior.

Tara Reid: She still parties like she’s in her twenties, but will turn 33 this November. My father used to say “it’s not the age, it’s the mileage” and Tara has certainly put on a lot of miles in her 33 years. She still looks okay despite years of bodily abuse, but plastic surgery can only help for so long before Tara starts looking like Joan Rivers.

Lauryn Hill: All I can say is wow, she used to be so ripped, so gorgeous. 5 kids really can age a person.

Mayim Bialik: Blossom from the show by the same name. She hasn’t changed a bit, she still looks like a socially awkward teenager.

Milla Jovovich: As a super-model she has a leg up on the rest of us mere mortals in the looks department, but her skin seems to be thinning a bit; she looks translucent.

Sara Gilbert: Darlene Conner from Roseanne looks around the same age as me, so do we look 33 or younger then 33? She looks older then her days as a teenage TV star, but is still recognizable.

Natalie Imbruglia: I cannot help but think she had some work, but this music star from Australia, best known for her song “Torn,” is somehow avoiding the sun damage that occurs living in a country with a thin ozone layer. She looks good.

Danica McKellar: Winnie Cooper from “The Wonder Years” is still adorable, and adorable is hard to pull off at 33.

Drew Barrymore: Drew looks fantastic, and the only reason I would think she looks older than 33 is because she’s been around FOREVER. Of course I could be biased; Drew’s Great-Grandmother and my Great-Great Grandmother were sisters or cousins or something like that, making me a fourth cousin twice removed. No matter what the connection, women in my family age beautifully!

Eva Longoria: This Desparate Housewives star is the youngest of the housewives, but does she look as young as 33? I’m torn on this particular starlet, she’s beautiful, married to a much younger man, but something about her eye area makes me question whether she’s really 33.

Charlize Theron: Bitch. No seriously, Charlize is a timeless beauty who will continue to grace magazine covers for decades to come. Part of the beauty is a natural glow and presence that few people possess.

Kate Winslet: Kate looks the same today as she did in Titanic ten years ago. She is somehow comes off as both elegant and down to earth at the same time. Hollywood is always looking for her to lose 10 to 20 pounds, but she maintains her stance that she is a curvy woman and won’t give in to those demands. Her strength in the face of societal pressures makes her more attractive, and me proud to share a birth year with such a buxom beauty.

So there it is; the good, the bad and the ugly ladies of 1975. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder and everyone could have a different opinion on how these women, and I, are aging. Ultimately age is just a number, but there is so much pressure to maintain the looks of a 19 year old that it is a number that is sometimes scary. I’m not 19 anymore, or 29. My laugh lines reveal 30+ years of smiles, crow’s feet disclose decades of deep thoughts, and sun spots show years dancing in the sunlight. Perhaps thirty-three is the age where we start to realize that some people are like fine wine; we only get better with age.

Sex in the Suburbs

Some girls dream of love and marriage, house and babies; my dreams revolved around becoming a power single in Washington, D.C. A series of events derailed those dreams, first foregoing work on Capitol Hill and then meeting the love of my life at the ripe old age of 21. Shortly after meeting the future Mr. Blondebombchelle, HBO launched their groundbreaking series “Sex and the City.” With every episode I laughed, cried, and mourned the end of my swinging single self. As each season progressed so did my relationship with Mr. Right, from friendship to marriage, with all the ups and downs that any relationship experiences.

However, as much as I love Sex and the City, it was difficult to watch these smart, attractive, successful women focus so much on finding a relationship and not embrace the freedom and joy they possessed. Sex and the City is not the only show that portrays single women on the hunt for a husband. If anything, Samantha, the sex crazed, “act like a man” character on the show, was a breath of fresh air in the entertainment industry that fuels an invisible war between the married and the single. She did not see marriage as the road to happiness and instead found happiness in herself, her career, and her friends. Perhaps she knew something that only a failed marriage could teach Charlotte; a wedding isn’t the finish line to finding happiness. Carrie did pose the question; “Is there a secret cold war between marrieds and singles?” There probably is; the grass is always greener on the other side, but there is far more press devoted to the trials and tribulations of a single person than the struggles of coupledom. Relationships are not easy, even the best ones, but that reality is never portrayed or published in our “happily ever after” world. Even in friendships there is a somewhat unspoken code not to divulge the less than stellar points of being married to your single friends. Saying “I Do” doesn’t make the issues and questions that the ladies of Sex and the City, and other single woman across the globe, have go away. If anything, getting married amplifies some of the problems and struggles because you have to work through them rather then just break up and move on. After tying the knot I realized a dirty little secret that would knock Carrie and her friends out of their Manolos; marriage comes with many of the same issues faced by being single.

“How often is normal?” (Season 1): I remember reading about a couple who included frequency of sexual activity into their wedding vows; no less than 3 times a week and no more than 5, and thought to myself, “wonder how long they’ll keep that up?” Normal is a relative term influenced by personalities, life events, free time, present health, work stress, kids, dogs, etc.

“Are there still certain things in relationships one should never say?” (Season 2): For those who believe there are no secrets in marriage, try asking a friend about their mother-in-law in front of their spouse and see if you get a much different answer then what they say to you behind closed doors. Even after marriage there are some things never to say in the relationship, things that are just not important or worth the consequences. Topics to consider adding to the “never say it to your spouse” category include hair loss (or odd growth), bowel movements, the hot person at the office, and in-laws.

“Are all men freaks?” (Season 2): Yes.

''Is it better to 'fake it' than be alone?'' (Season 2): This was in reference to faking happiness and strength in a relationship rather then being single. Honestly, I can think of nothing more miserable then pretending to be happy with a person because of fear of being single. Single does not automatically mean lonely and couples settling down in bad relationships can feel more forlorn then any single. Eventually the reality of a poor relationship is realized. All faking it accomplishes is wasting time that could be spent finding happiness.

''Can you be friends with an ex?'' (Season 2): This is a dicey one that can only be answered on a case by case basis. All I can say is the question still comes up once you are married, especially in the day and age of the internet where long lost ex’s can pop up in an instant. Personally, after nearly 7 years of marriage, I don’t care who he’s friends with, heck I can barely remember my own details of my past relationships. When it comes down to ex’s who are still friends it is all about trust in your partner and confidence in yourself; married or not.

“What constitutes cheating?” (Season 2): Again, this is something best addressed on a relationship by relationship basis but the question still exists after vows are exchanged. Some married couples engage in extramarital activities considered adulterous in 49 states but are perfectly fine with the arrangement. On the extreme side other couples have a hissy fit if their spouse makes eye contact with another person. It is important to set the ground rules early to avoid any issues and misunderstandings.

“Can you change a man?” (Season 2): No.

“How do you know if you’re good in bed?” (Season 3) : Marriage doesn’t necessarily make performance insecurities go away, but it should provide a comfortable and safe environment to address those insecurities and improve.

“In Relationships, what are the deal breakers?” (Season 3): Over 50% of marriages end in divorce so there are deal breakers after the wedding. While there are some people who give up too quickly when the going gets tough, there are some very legitimate deal breakers like abuse, infidelity, addictions, discovering homosexuality, or becoming a Red Sox fan.

“Do we need drama to make a relationship work?” (Season 3): As an Italian (German-Swedish-English-Irish-Finnish-Czech)-American I know drama. I grew up surrounded by couples who created drama, a way to make their relationships more passionate. Perhaps they picked up too many relationship tips from Soap Operas, because good relationships don’t need to be dramatic to be good. Drama is exhausting.

“Can we have it all?” (Season 3): In the words of the great Rolling Stones: you can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you just might find you get what you need.

“In a relationship, when does the art of compromise become compromising?” (Season 4): This is one of the most profound questions Carrie posed in all six seasons of Sex and the City. Relationships take plenty of compromise, and ideally it works out to be 50/50, but maintaining that 50/50 is a struggle. It is too easy for one person to take on more then their fair share, or give in to the other more often then not. I see other people compromise their opinions, values, time, and opinions to their spouses quite often and wonder myself when it is no longer compromising for the sake of a relationship and just being a doormat.

“As we speed along this endless road to the destination called who-we-hope-to-be, I can’t help but whine, “are we there yet?” (Season 4): One of the biggest misconceptions people have about getting married. The wedding is not a destination; it is just the addition of another person along for the ride.

Marriage is no walk in Central Park and comes along with a whole host of challenges that people associate with being single and the dating scene. Marriage is hard work, but is worth all the sacrifice and struggle when you meet the right person? In the words of Mr. Big, “Absofuckinglutely.”

It's Not Easy Eating Green

People on average weigh more today then they did in decades past. Experts blame everything from larger portion sizes to more sedentary lifestyles; valid reasons for the waistline explosion. As any person who has ever tried to “do the right thing” with eating and exercise can to attest to, sometimes efforts just don’t work. Whether the weight just doesn’t come off or cravings and emotions sabotage any ability to drop poundage, our best efforts are often thwarted. Even after working with a dietician, I ended the day hungry, craving sweets and junk with such rabid intensity it was wise for friends and family to stay out of the way or they could lose an appendage. As part of my effort to live a healthier life, I began focusing more on what was going into my body and the result it had on my mood, feeling, and waistline. Aspartame is a known enemy and eliminating it from my body yielded incredible results. Could other man made substances be the cause of an appetite that far outweighs my caloric need?

“French Women Don’t Get Fat,” “You on a Diet,” “Animal, Vegetable, Miracle,” and “In Defense of Food,” are just a few books that inspired me to stop dieting and just eat healthier. Each chapter of these books led to a greater understanding of human physiological, psychological, physical, emotional and cultural eating habits, and issues in our food supply chain. If I were to sum up each of these books with a theme they would be:

• French Women Don’t Get Fat: Enjoy the passion of good food (and wine!) with all your senses.
• Animal, Vegetable, Miracle: Think Globally, Eat Locally.
• In Defense of Food: Better living through nature, not chemistry.
• You on a Diet: If you filled your car with crap and drove it everywhere in first gear it would break down and so do you.

Creating a “diet” based upon the principles of a healthy, natural, organic lifestyle led to the “Lean, Mean, Green Eating Machine” eating plan (maybe I should trademark this). The Green Eating Machine does not consist of eating twigs and berries or moving to Colorado with the rest of the granola-heads (disclaimer: I love granola and the people who eat it). It is possible to get tasty, amazing, flavorful, and enjoyable meals that are rich in vitamins, nutrients, and antioxidants. The overall guidelines for the Lean, Mean, Green Eating Machine diet are:

• Focus organic eating on “the dirty dozen:” Eating everything organic is almost impossible due to availability issues and cost. Several publications have listed 12 types of foods most affected by pesticides and poor farming practices so consumers can make smarter organic decisions. Essentially the list is meat, thin skinned fruits and vegetables, and coffee. Honestly, if you haven’t eaten an organic heirloom tomato or free-range organic chicken you haven’t lived.
• Buy Locally: Food transported over thousands of miles is engineered to survive the trip. The genetic engineering and travel compromise the taste and quality of the food. Buying locally also supports farmers in your region, bringing more dollars to the people who actually do the farming rather than multi-national food companies. This also cuts down on the use of fossil fuels in food transportation, saving gas for our own cars.
• Reading is Fundamental: Only consume ingredients that are pronounceable and made by nature, not a scientist. For the most part this means reading labels for unnatural and unpronounceable components. These fake foods and ingredients are stealing people of what their bodies need to thrive. Large corporations make money on feeding us crap they can manufacture and getting us to eat and buy more; our health and wellness is not a factor in their bottom line.
• Eliminate High Fructose Corn Syrup (HFCS): We have to import sugar in the United States but can manufacture plenty HFCS with our corn supplies in the US, making it a cheap option for American food manufacturers. This chemical “food” is used as a sugar replacement for a large percentage of foods and beverages in the United States but is left out of foods in overseas markets. Perhaps that is how the French (and everyone else) stay so thin despite a diet rich in cheese, cream and animal fat. Many researchers claim that HFCS prohibits brain receptors from receiving the message that you are full, leading to overeating. There is a great debate whether HFCS leads to obesity with some studies reporting it does and others refuting it. All I know is rise of obesity rates happen to mirror the rise of HFCS use in our food supply. Coincidence? I think not.
• Fresh is best: Pre-packaged and pre-prepared foods are loaded with ingredients and calories none of our bodies wants nor needs. Start off with real, fresh ingredients and food will taste better and be better for you. When shopping, stick to the farmer's market or the outer aisles of the grocery store to keep it real and fresh.
• Keep it Real: The diet industry and food manufacturers are trying to get us to eat substitutes for the foods we really want, leading us to keep eating (and spending) more until we actually “break down” and eat what we want in the first place. Stop using substitutes that are unsatisfying and taste awful. A little real ice cream, butter, chocolate, beer, and cheese is more satisfying then tasteless cardboard.
• Cut Down on Bottles: Environmentally friendly and a way to consume fewer calories in the alcohol format. We are either the best recyclers on our block or we produce the most beer and wine bottles for our blue bin, and my guess is we might produce a bottle or two more then our neighbors. Either way my goal was to have more AFD’s (Alcohol Free Days) than AD’s to cut down on the bottles and the empty calories. With fewer then 3 AD’s a week it takes a lot less to get the job done, also saving calories.
• Use less gas: Walking, biking, and skating to get to the store are great ways to reduce carbon emissions and use of fossil fuels. Added bonus, burning more calories!

There are some downsides to eating green; if there weren’t, everyone would be doing it.

• Expensive: The short term expense of switching to organic or locally grown and produced food is apparent with each item costing a little more then foods from industrial farms. I could go into length on how industrial farming causes long term damage, actually costs society more, etc. etc. None of those things would have convinced me to pay more for a tomato, but then I thought about it in different terms. We have no problem spending more money on electronics, games, health and beauty products, clothes, and other material consumer items. It is a shame that Whole Foods is on a mission to demonstrate their competive prices. Food actually goes into our body, affects our chemistry, influences our mood, impacts our overall heath, and contributes to our longevity. Is this not worth a little bit extra money? Long term you actually save money going more organic with fewer illnesses driving costs of doctors and medicines. It takes a little bit to notice, but green eating is so much more nutritious that you actually end up eating less quantity, therefore saving money.
• Seasonal: Embracing the true meaning of eating green, and experiencing the intense flavors lacking in imported fruits and vegetables, means understanding the seasonality of produce and when certain foods are available. This is a difficult proposition for Americans who are used to getting and eating anything they want, whenever they want. There are certain things I love that I can never get locally, like pineapples, and I try my best to make sure those items are at least from the United States. Since King Crab has yet to be harvested from the Lake Superior it remains an exception to my new local rule; hey, someone has to support the Deadliest Catch guys! Asparagus is available year round, but is really only at its peak for a short period in early spring. Enjoy foods while they are in season; the flavors are more intense and worth the wait.
• Time Consuming: It takes more time to cook healthy meals then popping a Lean Cuisine or Stouffer’s meal in the oven or microwave. People have gotten so busy in their lives that the “joy of cooking” and eating has shifted to the bottom of people’s priority list. Good food takes time, and meals should be enjoyed and savored at a table, not in a car or hovered over a sink. People who think they don’t have enough time to cook or enjoy a good meal at least once a day should consider reprioritizing their calendars. Some of my most cherished memories in life are family meals, a dying ritual for many families. Cut out some of the television time and make a healthy meal to share with family or friends instead.
• Palate retraining: We have all heard people talk about certain foods or drinks as “acquired tastes.” Our bodies adapt to new flavors and textures and learn to like or dislike foods. Many fast foods and pre-packaged and processed meals contain man made compounds that actually make things taste better then they actually are, and trigger the craving mechanism in our brains. People who stop eating something like McDonald’s for a long period of time often report it tasting different or bad then they remember from the past; the palate and brain untrained the desire for fast food. Introducing healthier foods often takes a little bit to get used to. For me, the big challenge was natural peanut butter, which is not nearly as sugary sweet as brands most of us grew up on. After a few weeks (I eat a lot of peanut butter sandwiches!) my body started to appreciate the simplicity of peanut butter that contained nothing but peanuts. I ran out of real peanut butter and made a sandwich with the sugary stuff and had to throw the sandwich out. After a few months of eating the natural version the ingredient heavy manufactured stuff tasted awful. This same palate training is the basis of so many children’s cook books, like The Sneaky Chef, that call for hiding the healthy stuff into food. Not only do you slip extra nutrients into meals, but eventually this helps train the palate of the eater to be more accepting of vegetables.
• Limitations: Start reading labels and you quickly learn how many things on our store shelves contain unpronounceable ingredients and high fructose corn syrup. The quest to eliminate man made chemicals from your diet is challenging and it takes some time at first to learn what foods are okay. Certain foods that you expect to be “healthy” are actually packed unnatural and sometimes harmful ingredients. Some discoveries are actually heartbreaking; Special K, Triscuits, bread crumbs. Forget about a microwave meal! One of the happiest moments in food shopping history was seeing the words “Now Made Without High Fructose Corn Syrup” on a package of Thomas’ English muffins.

It may not be easy eating green, but it sure makes a difference in body and mind. During the first 6 months of this green eating journey I have noticed so many changes. The most obvious; my weight, 21 pounds lost without really “dieting;” I pretty much ate what I wanted; so long as it wasn’t crap. My sugar cravings, a huge part of my struggles with calories, disappeared. My hair grew stronger and shinier. My skin cleared up; issues with cyst-like acne on my chin no longer a problem. If all this was not enough to convince myself and those around me how much better eating fresh and local was for my body, how I feel right now might. Family and career stress of the past six weeks sent me right back to some old habits; eating store processed foods, not reading labels, imbibing in adult beverages way too often. This brief jump off the healthy wagon and onto the chuck wagon served as a reminder that eating green made a noticeable difference in my health and well being. After six weeks of abandoning the Green Diet I am 8 pounds heavier, terribly lethargic, achy, taking longer to recover from a workout, experiencing acne breakouts, and constantly hungry. Writing about this “diet plan” is not meant to be preachy; it is an exercise to document what made me healthy and successful earlier this year so I can get back to business. Read the books I mentioned above, they are inspirational and eye opening. If you decided to try the green diet let me know how it goes. The diet industry is worth billions…